Home Orifice Irony

Home Office emails appear on the Ashley Madison wannabe adulterers list. If they have done nothing wrong, they've nothing to fear, right?

— Techno Guido (@TechnoGuido) August 19, 2015

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The Dangers of Biscuits

Oh dear, it seems that owing to Nanny's Home Orifice rules Norfolk police were forced to record an incident of a man being hit by a biscuit as a “violent crime”.

The victim was hit by the biscuit after a minor disagreement with a woman, and was left with “small red mark”.

Stephen Bett, the Police and Crime Commissioner, is quoted by the Telegraph:

“You could not make this up – it’s jaw-dropping.

I am sure people will find these examples of what the police are having to record as violent crime hard to believe to say the least.

I frankly couldn’t believe what I was reading. Is it any wonder we have seen a rise in recorded violent crime in Norfolk if these types of incidents have to be logged?”

In other cases a child who was brushed across the arm with a stinging nettle by another child was also recorded as ABH (actual bodily harm).

A Norfolk Police spokesman said:

"National crime recording standards give the police a duty to record these incidents as crimes in Norfolk. However, we have a measured approach to how we deal with them.

Just because we record these as crimes, it will not always be appropriate to arrest or seek to prosecute the alleged offenders.

It is very much dependant on the individual circumstances of each report."

The country has gone truly mad!

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Nanny's CCTV Code of Practice

I am particularly gemused to see that Nanny has introduced a code of practice on the use of surveillance cameras, by bodies such as local authorities and police forces, in England and Wales.

The Home Orifice introduced the code after concerns over the potential for the abuse or misuse of surveillance by the state in public places.

The code says the cameras must be used "in pursuit of a legitimate aim" and when it "meets a pressing need".

"Where used appropriately, these systems are valuable tools which contribute to public safety and security and in protecting both people and property. 

The purpose of the code will be to ensure that individuals and wider communities have confidence that surveillance cameras are deployed to protect and support them, rather than spy on them."

Hmmm, all very well but as I have noted before the only really effective CCTV is one that can fire a laser or equivalent weapon at the criminal whilst he/she is engaging in the illegal activity; rather than passively record a poor quality image that might be used a year or so later in a some tawdry court case.

Anyhoo the 12 point code of conduct says the use of a surveillance camera system must:

1. always be for a specified purpose which is in pursuit of a legitimate aim and necessary to meet an identified pressing need
2. take into account its effect on individuals and their privacy
3. have as much transparency as possible, including a published contact point for access to information and complaints
4. have clear responsibility and accountability for all surveillance activities including images and information collected, held and used
5. have clear rules, policies and procedures in place and these must be communicated to all who need to comply with them
6. have no more images and information stored than that which is strictly required
7. restrict access to retained images and information with clear rules on who can gain access
8. consider any approved operational, technical and competency standards relevant to a system and its purpose and work to meet and maintain those standards
9. be subject to appropriate security measures to safeguard against unauthorised access and use
10. have effective review and audit mechanisms to ensure legal requirements, policies and standards are complied with
11. be used in the most effective way to support public safety and law enforcement with the aim of processing images and information of evidential value, when used in pursuit of a legitimate aim
12. be accurate and kept up to date when any information is used to support a surveillance camera system which compares against a reference database for matching purposes

There are of course many more CCTV systems than those just used by the police and local authorities (ie there are systems not covered by the code), additionally in the event that the code is breached there appears to be no penalty system in place to reprimand those bodies that breach the code.

In other words, so what?

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Prats of The Week - The UKBA

'Tis a grey September Monday morning, and therefore an ideal time to award one of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to our old chums in the UK Border Agency (UKBA), an organisation that has already featured on this site a couple of times.

Why therefore am I awarding them a "Prats of The Week"?

Ask Professor John Tulloch (70), who appeared on the front pages as one of the bloodied, dazed victims of the 7/7 London bombings.

The Prince of Wales visited him in hospital afterwards, and proclaimed him an example of the “resilience of the British people”.

The Telegraph notes that Prof Tulloch can trace his British ancestry back to the 14th century, was born to British parents in a British colony. He has a British wife, children and brother. He was raised and educated in Britain from the age of three, has substantial assets and property here and has lived or worked in the UK for most of his life, holding a series of posts at British universities. He even held a British passport.

However, he was born to a British Army officer in pre-independence India. This makes him a “British subject without citizenship”.

Professor Tulloch took a job in Australia and was granted Australian citizenship. Unknown to him, this automatically cancelled both his British nationality and his right to live in Britain. 

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, when he applied to renew his British passport, it was confiscated.
Ironically he was able to return to the UK, where he has held a professorship of communications at Brunel and was head of the School of Journalism at Cardiff University, under a work permit and has spent the majority of his time in recent years in this country.

However, as he is about to semi retire, he has now been told by the UKBA that he can no longer permanently remain here and can only visit for brief periods as a tourist. He cannot apply for naturalisation.

Professor Tulloch would have more chance of staying here if he had been a perpetrator, rather than a victim, of terrorism. Just ask Ismail Abdurahman, a Somali convicted of providing a safe house for the would-be 21/7 bomber, Hussain Osman, who was excused deportation after serving his prison sentence on the grounds that his human rights would be at risk if he was returned to Somalia.

A UKBA is quoted:

“It is the responsibility of an individual to check that they will not lose a previously acquired nationality or citizenship on acquiring an additional one.” 

The UKBA, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Big Brother - A Nation of Suspects

Remember in May 2008 when I wrote this?

"I see that Nanny's much "respected" and "efficient" Home Orifice is considering plans to build a humongous database to store the details of every phone call made, every email sent and every web page visited by British citizens in the previous year."

At the time the Conservatives campaigned against such a move.

Move forward some four years and oddly enough, on the same day that Cameron is appearing before Leveson, the Home Orifice and Theresa May have chosen to announce that Nanny intends to go forward with plans to monitor our electronic and online activities.

Nanny intends to track everything we do electronically, in a way that no other democratic country does.

Nanny uses the convenient "it will catch paedophiles" excuse.

Ms May claims that Nanny's laws would only be used to access "crucial bits of information" and would not invade people's privacy. She denied that there was a lack of control over the laws despite admitting that there were more than 500,000 requests for such information.

Pathetic!

The Telegraph quotes Dominic Raab, a Tory MP:

"Mass indiscriminate surveillance risks turning Britain into a nation of suspects. 

The security case for extra powers has not been made out, and the technical risks of fraud and data loss are huge.”

David Davis sums up the issue succinctly by noting that it would only catch the innocent and incompetent. He went on to say (as per the Guardian):

"This is exactly the same thing that Labour proposed in 2009. They went from a central database to this and we attacked it fiercely. In fact, David Cameron attacked it.

It's not content, but it's incredibly intrusive.

If they really want to do things like this – and we all accept they use data to catch criminals – get a warrant. Get a judge to sign a warrant, not the guy at the next desk, not somebody else in the same organisation."

He has hit the nail on the head, as with all of Nanny's plans for introducing new laws on this that and the other, she always conveniently fails to remember that we already have laws and procedures (eg relating to warrants) that can (if used properly) deal with issues such as "online criminality".

However, even if we manage to stop this, I am afraid far worse is coming.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present project Stellar Wind (due to go live in 2013):

"Its purpose: to intercept, decipher, analyze, and store vast swaths of the world’s communications as they zap down from satellites and zip through the underground and undersea cables of international, foreign, and domestic networks. The heavily fortified $2 billion center should be up and running in September 2013.

Flowing through its servers and routers and stored in near-bottomless databases will be all forms of communication, including the complete contents of private emails, cell phone calls, and Google searches, as well as all sorts of personal data trails—parking receipts, travel itineraries, bookstore purchases, and other digital “pocket litter.”....

Everybody’s a target; everybody with communication is a target.”

Good luck everyone, we are entering an era where will be watched, monitored and manipulated by the state as never before!


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Booze Matters

I see that Nanny is getting her knickers in a twist over booze again.

The Home Secretary, Alan Johnson, is proposing new measures (subject to parliamentary approval) to be implemented against retailers and pubs etc.

"All-you-can-drink" promotions are to be banned, and compulsory identity checks on those who look under 18 introduced.

Speed drinking competitions will also be banned.

All very amusing, but this is merely a headline grabbing exercise which will not make one jot of difference.

1 The supermarkets, in order to curry favour with Nanny, already have an id scheme in place whereby people who look under 25 have to prove their id. In fact some idiotic supermarkets try this id game on with people in their 40's.

2 Unless I have missed something, it is perfectly legal for people to drink at home etc. Therefore people will simply "stock up" before going out.

3 The majority of "cheap" booze (which Nanny hates) in the UK is bought from supermarkets (not pubs or off licences). It is noticeable that, whilst Nanny is happy to try to destroy the pub trade, she doesn't dare lift a finger against her all powerful friends in the supermarket business.

4 Pubs are not the enemy of civilised drinking. In pubs, that are well run, people learn how to drink without making "c**ts" of themselves (or face a battering and banning from the landlord and regulars). Nanny should be encouraging the survival of well run pubs.

5 Poorly run pubs that are centres of trouble making can, at the behest of the police/council, be shut down. The law is already there to be used against sources of trouble. There is no need to add more rules.

6 Councils make large sums of money from late night clubs and pubs, they don't want to shut them down (hence some town centres turn into vomit strewn ghettos at night). The councils already have the powers to improve the quality of town centres at night. Instead they have pro actively encouraged to spawning of late night clubs, yet publicly moan like hell about the effects of these clubs.

7 The more that the state demonises drink, the more popular it will become.

8 Politicians are serial abusers of booze, fags and other substances. It is not their place to lecture us on what is good/bad for us.

In short, this is a headline grabbing manoeuvre that will achieve nothing.

Drunken yobbery can be curtailed very simply by tattooing the foreheads of the yobs with the phrase:

"I am a drunken yob"

Then banning them from buying booze in any outlet, pub or club for a period of time.

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Nanny's Al Capone Powers

We have known for quite some time that this country is being run by a bunch of gangsters, viz:

- Extortion via excessive tax rises and council fines

- Protection rackets via demands for licences and insurance fees for any activity whatsoever

- Bullying via the Iraq invasion, holding people without trial etc

However, in a twist of irony Nanny is now using a law designed to deal with "Al Capone" type "master" criminals against the ordinary person in the street; ie she is designating us all as potential "Al Capones".

The powers that police currently have to deprive crime barons of luxury lifestyles are being extended to councils, quangos and agencies to use against us.

These powers include the right to search homes, seize cash, freeze bank accounts and confiscate property.

Nanny is giving the following groups "carte blanche" (can I use French here?) to use these powers whenever they see fit; town hall officials and civilian investigators employed by organisations such as Royal Mail, the Rural Payments Agency and Transport for London.

Nanny's little chum Alan Johnson, the Home Secretary, is sneaking these powers in next week via a Statutory Instrument (this means parliament doesn't have to debate it).

Now why would a local council need such powers?

Well my loyal readers, isn't it obvious?

To collect backdated council tax, to tackle fare dodgers and other minor criminals.

At this point you might say, "So what? They are criminals, they deserve it!"

OK, but I would make a number of observations:

- The powers of the state should be in proportion to the crime.

- Punishment should be in proportion to the crime.

- Do you really trust the local councils not to misuse these powers? Remember what they did with RIPA.

- Do you really think that they state should have such powers, that can be used willy nilly against all and sundry? The state cannot be trusted.

- Imagine a time, not long hence, when ZaNuLabour increases council tax to unprecedented proportions. Under the current system there would be a wave of non payments, and people would use due process (as councils took them to court etc) to humiliate the government. Under these new powers the state would simply lock individuals down financially", at the stroke of a pen. How would you function without any bank account? This would kill any council tax protest stone dead within a matter of days.

The chairman of the Police Federation, Paul McKeever, is well pissed off with this; noting that the decision to hand over "intrusive powers" to people who were not police was made without consultation or debate.

He is quoted in The Times:

"The Proceeds of Crime Act is a very powerful tool in the hands of police and police-related agencies and it shouldn't be treated lightly.

There is a behind the scenes creep of powers occurring here and I think the public will be very surprised.

They would want such very intrusive powers to be kept in the hands of warranted officers and other law enforcement bodies which are vetted to a very high standard rather than given to local councils."

The Home Orifice (remember it has been classified as "not fit for purpose") has a plan to "embed" financial seizure in the criminal justice system. Labour have set a target to recover £250M in criminal assets by 2010, rising to £1BN per year soon after.

Ah Hah!

Ker Farking Ching!

We are all designated as prostrate milch cows, to be milked dry via taxes and fines in order to feed the ever growing appetite of the state.

Oh, and by the way, Nanny intends to create a whole new body of financial investigators who will be accredited, trained and monitored by yet another quango, the National Policing Improvement Agency.

More money here from course fees!

More interfering busybodies in uniforms to crush the individual!

Do you not see what ZaNuLabour (wasn't it the Telegraph that claimed that I had lost all sense of proportion the other day by calling them that?) is doing here?

They are creating a police state, that even the police don't want!

A Home Orifice memo states:

"Investigation bodies will receive a share of money recovered as additional funding to incentivise further work in recovering the proceeds of crime."

Thereby neatly incentivising these bodies to create false charges, in order to earn some more money.

As we all know the councils etc already have powers to reclaim debt etc, they most certainly do not need these extra powers.

They most certainly cannot be trusted with them!

The memo also say that the councils will be "less reliant on more traditional law enforcement agencies, notably the police".

Another police force has been created, under the direct control of the state.

THAT IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Power corrupts!

The state, under ZaNuLabour, has become the enemy of the people.

Here is Johnson's email Alan Johnson.

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Prats of The Week - The Home Orifice

Ooh I feel another Prats of The Week Award "coming upon me".

This time it goes to our ever "popular" and "efficient" Home Orifice.

For why?

Well loyal readers, wayback last April when the G20 protests were underway, a group of "anarchists" were nicked for impersonating police officers.

Some months later the Home Orifice, in its infinite wisdom, continues to pursue these "miscreants" through the courts for their "crime" of impersonating the police.

Now under normal circumstances I would totally agree with HO on this one, impersonating a police officer is a very serious issue and needs to be dealt with.

However, may I indulge you with some factoids here?

The "anarchists" were in fact a motley collection of students and "young professionals".

The "police costumes" were, to the uneducated eye, unlikely to be mistaken for the real Mac Coy.

One woman was dressed in a black bra, another had red high heels and stockings. The males of the group (long haired I would point out) dressed in blue boiler suits and the occasional riot helmet.

They sported a fake plastic machine gun and blasted the Ride of the Valkyries through a set of speakers.

Obviously they could easily be mistaken for real police officers!

Ho Hum!

Well, Keir Starmer, the director of public prosecutions, thinks so and decided last month that 11 of the Space Hijackers (for that is their name) will face a four-day trial at a magistrates' court in February.

Leah Borromeo, a freelance writer who was arrested wearing a black bra and boiler suit, said:

"If I'm guilty of anything it's of impersonating a stripper, not a police officer."

The Home Orifice, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week - The Home Orifice

Tis a Monday morning, and with a song in my heart I am happy to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award to Nanny's Home Orifice.

What have they done to deserve this?

Easy peasy, they have issued a booklet (at our expense) telling their own staff not to eat food in front of Muslim colleagues during Ramadan; lest it makes them feel hungry.

Aside from the sheer bollocks waste of time and money that this absurd piece of "homespun" advice has inflicted, it is also highly offensive and patronising to Muslims as it singles them out as being "different".

Didn't Hitler do the same thing with Jewish people?

It is also somewhat ironic that the Home Orifice is so concerned about the possible "hurtfulness" of eating in front of Muslims who are fasting.

Is this not the same Home Orifice that, as part of the Nanny state, gave approval to the US to use the UK for rendition flights (whereby Muslim terror suspects were snatched from various foreign locations, and taken to G'tmo to be waterboarded without due legal process)?

What's worse?

Waterboarding, or eating in front of someone who is fasting?

Maybe eating in front of a fasting Muslim will be added to the CIA torture manual?

The Home Orifice, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Barfing News

Good news everyone, Jacqui Smith (Home Economics Minister, sorry Home Secretary) is to "resign" from the Cabinet (she will stay on as an MP in order to fund her lifestyle) in this week's reshuffle.

The Milky Bars are on me!

I wonder what will become of Jacqui's Irregulars?

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Jacqui's Secret Army

Oh dear, I see our Home Economics Minister (sorry, Home Secretary) Jacqui Smith has decided to create her own secret army.

Not content with the normal police, and the "plastic" police (Police Community Support Officers), Jacqui has decided to add another layer of policing "Jacqui's Irregulars".

These are a wee army of private security guards and town hall employees (eg park wardens and car park attendants) who have "police type powers". Our "respected and efficient" Home Orifice imbues these people with their "special powers" (eg to be able to fine people for truancy and littering, and to be able to demand someone's name and address) once they have undergone "training".

Jacqui's scheme is known as the Community Safety Accreditation Scheme, members of Jacqui's Irregulars get to wear a special badge and a uniform (and we all know what happens to some jumped up jobsworths once they start to wear uniforms, don't we?).

Seemingly there are now 1,406 people who are members of Jacqui's Irregulars.

Has anyone ever come across a "Jacqui Irregular", I must admit it was news to me that a third layer of police had been created.

Errm...isn't this rather alarming?

Has this been discussed in Parliament?

Did anyone get to vote on it?

Is this merely a private army to protect Jacqui when she goes to buy a kebab?

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Horrornation Street

My sympathies to the good people of Manchester, who are to be used by Nanny as guinea pigs in her id card scheme.

Manchester has been selected as the first place in the UK where Nanny's id cards are to be rolled out on "voluntary" basis. Those who are so inclined can buy one of these things for £30.

Here is a link to why id cards are bollocks, also do remember that if the so called terrorist threat comes from British born citizens, then they will have an id card.

This is just another way for the government to raise taxes, a nice little earner!

Who in their right mind would voluntarily give Nanny more money to waste?

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Of Apes and Man

Here is are a few questions for our Home Economics Minister (sorry Home Secretary) Jacqui Smith (of no specific address) wrt her planned law, due to come into force later this year, re prostitution.

Under the new legislation a man will face prosecution if he pays for sex with a woman who is being "controlled for gain" by someone else.

In court he will not be able to argue he did not know the woman was being controlled, because ignorance is no defence.

Do you really think that this is provable in a court of law?

What about women who pay for sex?

To quote Gloucestershire Chief Constable Dr Tim Brain, he said that the complexity of the law may make gaining evidence hard.

"It will take a lot of unpicking to prove and therefore I am concerned that the deterrent effect the government was hoping to bring about will be lessened because the legislation is so complex."

Quite!

Aside from that I read today that male apes apparently give food for sex, will they be prosecuted too?

Re the concept of paying for "sex", what exactly does the word "sex" mean in terms of the law?

- Full scale intercourse?
- Slap and tickle?
- Dressing in women's underwear?
- Watching porn? etc

Many people get their rocks off in many different ways, as we know from reading the lurid stories about our MPs and their "sex" lives/proclivities.

Surely, it could be argued, that a man/woman who pays to watch porn is paying for sex?

Will Jacqui be bringing a prosecution case against her husband then?

I see also that Jac's Home Orifice had linked their website to a Japanese porn site the other day. Errmmm..who is running this shower?

The issue that our "respected" Home Secretary hasn't quite grasped is that once people think that you are corrupt and have become a joke, your career in politics is over.

Just a few thoughts.....

Over to you Hom Sec...

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Big Brother - Nanny's DNA Database For Babies

Nanny's desire to record all of her subjects on a DNA database will not be mollified by ethics, decency or public outcry.

Nanny's best chum the ever hapless and hopeless Home Economics Minister (sorry Secretary of State for The Home Orifice), Jacqui Smith, has found herself trying lamely to defend a decision to place a baby's DNA on the national database.

Smith admitted that the child was aged under one at the time its profile was taken by police and stored.

I would remind everyone that, aside from the obvious point that a baby is unlikely to commit a crime, the age of age of criminal responsibility is ten in England and Wales.

Why therefore did the state choose to take the baby's DNA sample?

The most likely explanation is that the baby was at a crime scene, and all persons present had their DNA taken.

OK, that sounds just about plausible.

However, could Ms Smith explain why the baby's DNA sample (having been eliminated from the enquiry) was not then destroyed instead of being place in the database?

Even our "friends" in Europe think we are overdoing this. The European Court of Human Rights condemned the system as excessive and disproportionate, claiming it "could not be regarded as necessary in a democratic society".

Oddly, back in December Ms Smith said that the Nanny would take "immediate steps" to remove the profiles of children under ten.

So why then does this baby's DNA remain on the database?

To further expose her lack of comprehension of the basic tenets of a democratic and just criminal justice system, Ms Smith said it was her intention to treat innocent people with "greater flexibility and fairness".

Errmmm...call me old fashioned...but isn't that what the system was meant to be doing already?

Is Ms Smith suggesting that the system does not, at present, treat innocent people fairly?

Isn't that the hallmark of a dictatorship?

Ms Smith is a fine example of a ZaNuLabour frontbencher:

- lacking in initiative,
- lacking intelligence,
- lacking understanding of the basic principles of law,
- lacking empathy with the voters,
- a failure,
- disliking democracy and,
- ignorant.

Vote ZaNuLabour for more of the same.

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RIP RIPA?

I see that Nanny has got something of the wind up her skirt over the public reaction against our "respected" local councils using the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (RIPA) to spy on people wrt dog mess, dustbin "crimes" and other local trivia.

Home Orifice minister Vernon Coaker told a House of Lords committee that Nanny was considering how to limit the use of RIPA, which was set up to tackle terrorism.

Coaker said:

"We don't want to see legislation available for local authorities to use with respect to serious crime being used... for example, in respect of dog-fouling.

That's something we need to address. We have to stop some of these things happening that do undermine support."

Quite!

The trouble is anyone with half a brain could have told Nanny that Blunkett (who allowed councils to use RIPA from 2003) was opening a can of worms, and that RIPA would be abused in this way.

The more powers you give the state and its organs, the more tempted they are to use them.

Labour peer Lord Peston agreed:

"If these powers are being used for local authorities to search my dustbins, isn't the danger that you lose public support... in the area for which you most need public support, namely the anti-terrorism and anti-crime thing?"

OK, so that's all very comforting, the question is will Nanny stop local councils from using RIPA?

Don't hold your breath, this is just a comforting PR exercise designed to lull us to sleep.

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Foreign ID Cards

I see that Jacqui Smith, Nanny's home economics teacher (now Home Secretary), is feeling very pleased with herself about the launch of the ID cards for foreigners.

If I may insert a small factoid here, one of Hitler's first acts as chancellor was to impose compulsory ID cards on every German citizen.

The cards will be compulsory for foreign nationals, who will need one to enter the UK, to work and to claim benefits.

Fine, except that the foreign terrorists, who Nanny claims that these cards will deter, will of course not be entering the UK legally. Additionally, as the London bombings showed, the acts of terrorism will as likely be carried out by British citizens.

Jacqui also believes that UK citizens will volunteer to pay £30 to have one as well.

Errmmm...is she on drugs?

The scheme is bollocks from start to finish!

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Bollocks - Home Orifice Leak

Nanny's special chum, Jacqui Smith (Home Orifice Home Economics teacher), has played the old politicians' trick of "leaking" a memo; the memo forewarns of strife and chaos, as the recession bites ever deeper.

In summary the Home Orifice believes that crime will rise, and the "disenfranchised" would be tempted to join terrorist organisations.

Why would the Home Orifice leak such a memo?

How can such a dire vision of the future be helpful to "Smiler" Brown and his "administration" (the word "administration" usually implies some form of competence, not in this government's case)?

The answer is simple:

FEAR!

Governments know that if the population is fearful of an enemy (be it another country, organisation or "the enemy within"), then the population will be more compliant and malleable.

Additionally, it will give Nanny the opportunity to impose more surveillance and more restrictive laws/rules upon the population.

As to the assertion that the recession will drive more people to terrorism, that is palpable bollocks.

This did not happen in the slump of the 1930's or the recessions of the 1970's, 80's and early 90's.

Why should it happen now?

Nanny is talking out of her backside!

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Prats of The Week - The Home Orifice

Ah a cheerful, grey Friday morning; just the right time to award my prestigious, and world renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the Home Orifice (so deserving, on so many occasions, I wonder if I should make this a lifetime "achievement award?).

Anyhoo, here is why I think they deserve this award.

The Home Orifice, in a naive and wasteful use of taxpayers' money have attempted to bring the "yoof" vote onto their side. They have set up a website (MyLifeMyId.org) for 16 to 25 year olds to express their views about identity cards.

I assume the "brains" in the Home Orifice thought that they would get a tidal wave of approval for the scheme; yet all they got in return is scorn, sneering and scepticism.

Eg:

"The NIS is an authoritarian imposition on this country and places the desires of the state above the rights of the people. It will entail threatening the public and extorting money from them until they comply.

The biggest effect it will have on my life is to completely redefine my relationship with the state. Now I'll have to tell them everything about myself and will be forced to keep it up to date and will be responsible for it's accuracy while having no power to control how it's used/stored/accessed.

The state has all of the rights and I have all of the responsibility.

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."

Good for the "yoof" of Britain!

Odd that the Home Orifice could make such a bad judgement call on "yoof" issues, given that our "respected" and "highly qualified" Home Secretary (Jacqui Smith) was a teacher (Home Econ was it?) herself.

Seemingly there was also a YouTube video featuring Jacqui Smith, which was meant to augment the website. However, it had its comments section disabled and now seems to have disappeared.

Fear not though, one individual resurrected it (and enabled comments):



Rest assured, because the responses have not been up to Jacqui's expectations, the government will ignore them and try to airbrush them from history.

The Home Orifice well deserving winners of the Lifetime Achievement Award for "Prats of The Week".

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The Home Orifice - Worse Than Worthless

Those of you who have been worried about what Nanny intends to do with all the data that she is collecting about us, and wants to collect on us, should not worry.

Nanny does not intend to keep it, or indeed use it, she intends to lose it!

Added to the list of shame of incompetent government departments is Nanny's Home Orifice. It has managed to lose a memory stick that contains details of thousands of criminals, informers, police officers etc.

Well done lads!

However, Nanny in the shape of our highly "qualified" (wasn't she a teacher or something?) Home Secretary (Jacqui Smith) has been quick to point out that Nanny didn't lose the data, but PA Consulting (a private firm) lost it.

So that's alright then!

Errrmmm...no not quite Jacqui, as you are the people who hired PA Consulting you are therefore responsible for ensuring that they are up to the job.

QED!

Let us be clear, this government is complete shite and could not be trusted to sit the right way on a lavatory let alone handle confidential data.

There is no way we should allow it to collect any more data about us, eg via ID cards, medical records etc etc.

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Nanny's Humongous Database

I see that Nanny's much "respected" and "efficient" Home Orifice is considering plans to build a humongous database to store the details of every phone call made, every email sent and every web page visited by British citizens in the previous year.

Oh yes, this will work!

Nanny says that this will help her in her fight against terrorism and crime. Well, she always says that.

From what I recall the invasion of Iraq was meant to make the world a safer place from terrorism too, but that plan was a complete load of old bollocks as well.

The Home Orifice has already approached telecoms firms and internet service providers (ISPs), they would be the ones providing Nanny with their customer records if the plans go ahead.

The security services and police would then be able to access records for any individual over the previous 12 months, by gaining permission through the courts.

Do you recall how RIPA, the surveillance law allegedly designed to be used only for terrorists, is being abused by local councils in their never ending fight against dog shit and litter?

I guarantee that this database, if it comes into being, will be abused in exactly the same way.

Another rather nagging worry in the back of my mind is the security aspects of the data storage, given last year's loss by HMRC of 25 million personal records and ongoing reports of other security breaches in Nanny's databases, who seriously believes that Nanny is capable of looking after all of the data securely?

In the UK, last year, 57 billion text messages and 3 billion emails a day were sent. Given Nanny's shambolic mismanagement of other IT projects, do you really think that she is capable of designing and managing a system that can cope with all of that data?

Of course you don't!

We all know that Nanny and her minions are basically useless and inept. This project is a car crash waiting to happen.

Notwithstanding that, Nanny's Home Orifice continue to press ahead. A Home Orifice spokesman said that the plan was needed to reflect changes in communication that would "increasingly undermine our current capabilities to obtain communications data and use it to protect the public".

The trouble is that the data is not used to protect the public at all, see what Nanny has done with RIPA.

Governments down the centuries have hated it when people gather together to talk to each other "privately", they have always done their best to listen in or to ban such discussion. This is the same old trick being rebranded to suit the modern age.

Terrorism is used as Nanny's catch all excuse to cover all of her rapidly expanding surveillance requirements. In truth, our lives are not being blighted on a daily basis by terrorism but by "low level" crime (yobbery, thuggery, robbery, scummy behaviour etc). These are the issues that need to be addressed.

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