Nanny's Bouncers

My sympathies to the elderly members of the Sandyford and Goldenhill Residents' Association who planned to hold a singalong concert at their local community centre, in order to raise money to keep the centre open.

Sadly for them Nanny's chums from Stoke-on-Trent council insisted that they hire two bouncers for the door.

Why?

Because there was to be a bar.

Now I can understand that requirement if the event was to be attended by teenagers et al. However, the attendees were expected to be in the 70's and 80's.

Needless to say this insistence that there be two bouncers on the door has put the financial mockers on the event, as the council want to charge £100 for supplying the bouncers.

A cynic might wonder if the council were deliberately trying to sabotage any fund raising activities in order to shut down the community centre.

NB: a decision on the future of the centre will be made in the coming months, after the council looks at its profit and loss.

Ker Farking Ching!


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Auntie Uses 1984 As A Blue Print

As loyal readers know, George Orwell wrote "1984" to warn about the rise of the totalitarian state and the use by that state of surveillance, censorship and history revisionism to control people's lives.

Well good old Auntie has not only read it, but has decided to use it as a blue print for how she handles repeats.

Thus it came to pass that Auntie exercised a wee bit of Orwellian word deletion and censored a recent repeat airing of Fawlty Towers. The Telegraph reports that the offending episode had a scene with the words “wogs” and “niggers” in it. The major, played by Ballard Berkeley, is explaining the difference between the two.

The BBC cut the line out.

Auntie was of the view that the words are offensive, yes they are. However, context is everything, had Auntie bothered to watch her own show she would have seen that the entire point of the scene was to mock the major for being a racist not to gratuitously insult people of other ethnic origins.

Aside from needing to learn the subtleties of humour, Auntie needs also to understand that airbrushing history is a futile exercise as it always comes back to bite you in the arse (can I use the word "arse" before the watershed?)!

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Parking Matters - One Rule For Us, One Rule For Nanny

Will Nanny's traffic wardens be fining Mark Hoban for parking on a double yellow?

No, I thought not!

Source Saggydaddy

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Nanny To Tax Coke?

I was gemused to read this morning that there are calls from various medical bodies, Sustain (a food and farming charity), Academy of Medical Royal Colleges, Friends of the Earth, the National Heart Forum and the Royal Society for Public Health et al for Nanny to start taxing Coke.

The snorty kind, or the fizzy kind?

Thinking for one nanosecond that Nanny had experienced a Damascus moment wrt legalising drugs, I was needless to say unsurprised to read that this tax refers to adding 20p or so to a litre of fizzy drinks that contain sugar.

Seemingly it would help avert the health disaster of the "mini time bombs" that are this country's children (their words not mine).

Pah!

Here's a simple and more effective solution for those parents who are worried about their children's consumption of sugar etc.

Don't buy them sugary, unhealthy shite to eat and drink!

It really is that simple!

My parents only ever bought Coke and crisps for me as a very rare treat, and limited my pocket money so I didn't go and waste it.

Problem solved, without the need for state intervention!

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Les Prats De La Semaine - The French

Ooh La La Missus, today I would like to make an international presentation of my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the French, or rather one of French Nanny's government departments the Commission Générale de Terminologie et de Néologie (tasked with keeping the French language "pure").

How does it do this?

Simple, it reinvents new French words to replace "evil" new foreign ones that have invaded the language; al la "1984".

Thus it has come to pass that the word "hashtags" has been banned by French Nanny from all legislation and official correspondence etc.

The new French word for hashtags is "mot-dièse" (sharp word).

All very "amusing", no doubt. However, the Commission Générale de Terminologie et de Néologie forgets that a language (if the culture that uses it is still vibrant and living) continues to grow, develop and evolve.

On the assumption that the French language is not yet dead, you can no more stop its evolution than you can disinvent the wheel.

The Commission Générale de Terminologie et de Néologie, well deserving Prats De La Semaine!


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Give Nanny An Inch

Give Nanny an inch, and she will take a mile.

Such was the case for Andrew Wilson, a window cleaner from Lincol, who recently had the misfortune of parking his van in his own driveway in such a manner that one inch of it overhung the yellow lines of his street.

Needless to say a traffic warden duly appeared and presented him with a £70 fine.

The van was parked near the end of the driveway because of building work going on at a neighbour's property.

Mr Wilson is quoted by the Mail of accusing Lincolnshire County Council of 'milking people of every penny':

"It's a £70 fine but if you pay it in 14 days then it's £35. 

I'm not going to pay it. 

I've appealed against it and sent the photos I took. 

I have been living here for three and a half years and the yellow lines have always been there but I've never had a problem. 

'After 6pm you don't need a permit so the traffic wardens are always down there at like 5.30pm trying to catch people out.  I've seen them scraping the ice off trying to look for permits. 

'It is just stupid. It is milking us for every penny we have. It is disgusting."

The council will investigate and cancel the ticket, if they find it has been issued in error.

We shall see!


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No Sex Please, We're Hovians

I am gemsued to read that Hove (the "posh" end of Brighton) has banned the use of the word "sex" in a forthcoming fair at Hove Town Hall.

Brighton psychotherapist Steve Griffiths was planning to hold the " Love, Sex and Intimacy Fair" in September as an event to dispel taboos, tackle discrimination and promote safe sex. 

However, Nanny's chums from Hove council have, according to the Argus, banned “sex” from the name of his event lest the event itself be banned.

Factoid: Brighton has an annual naked bike ride and is awash every weekend with hen and stag nights carrying inflatable penises (or is it penii?) and the like.

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Cobbles!

I see Nanny has invoked "health and safety", yet again, as her "rationale" for interfering in people's lives.

This time Nanny's chums from East Riding council have decreed that the two century old cobbles that make up the Beverley market square pose a health and safety hazard to visitors and residents with disabilities.

Nanny's proposed solution is to dig the cobbles up!

Unsurprisingly this decree has not gone down well, and local residents have organised marches and petitions to try to stop Nanny.

This being a "democracy" Nanny is of course ignoring her local voters.

History Professor Barbara English, of Beverley Civic Society, is quoted by the Telegraph:

"This will destroy the town's historic atmosphere.

Saturday Market, which is surrounded by listed buildings, is the absolute core of the town. This and the minster are what people associate with Beverley.''

It is worth noting that several years ago, plans were put forward to transform the market square into a continental-style piazza, complete with fountains and trees. They were ditched following a public outcry.

A cynic might argue that Nanny (greedy for "investment" from property companies et al) is pulling up the cobbles as a means of making another attempt to turn the square into a "piazza" less fraught with opposition.

East Riding council said it does not need planning permission to remove the cobbles, as the work is being classed as highway repairs.
 

It is worth noting that the cost of this cobble scheme is around £2.5M, money that should be spent on filling in pot holes and repairing roads/paths etc (potholes etc pose dangers to both able bodied and those with disabilities).

 

Does this mean that there are no potholes in East Riding?

 

Local residents are welcome to send me picture of any potholes, so that I can post them on this site.

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Smoke Free Smoke - Nanny Backs Down - Maybe

Last week I wrote about the Uber Prats from Haringey council banning London's oldest working smokehouse (Walter Purkis & Sons) from using smoke to smoke fish.

Unsurprisingly, a veritable firestorm of anger was unleashed upon the cretins within the council.
 
Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Nanny (as she always does when she is exposed as being a cretin) backed down.

London24 reports that Walter Purkis & Sons has been allowed to smoke fish again.

Cllr Nilgun Canver, cabinet member for the environment, said:

“We recognise the unique nature of this family business and its importance to the local community, and we are really keen to help find a solution in the best interests of everyone involved. 

We have been working closely with Mr Purkis to help him find a way to reopen the smokehouse while also reducing the impact on neighbours. It has now been agreed that Mr Purkis will reopen the smokehouse and we will support Mr Purkis over the coming months to help him upgrade the smokehouse equipment.”

However, rather wisely, Mr Purkis is not yet convinced by their promises.

“We will be happy if it does come out right but we are a little worried in case it is a temporary thing until things have calmed down.”

Nanny can never be trusted, and must be watched closely at all times.

What she takes with the one hand, she receives with the other.


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Snow Alert

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Selfish Stupid C*nt!

Proof positive that living in the Nanny state makes people farking stupid and selfish!

The above photo is of a car travelling at around 60mph on a motorway this weekend!

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Snow Joke II

Just spotted on the outskirts of Brighton, the council have deployed special patrol vehicles to deter people from entering the city during these Arctic conditions!

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Snow Joke

I see that with less than an inch of snow London's mainline stations are closing. Oh, and Pontypool ski centre is closed today.

All hail the Nanny state for looking after us so "well" and for protecting us from risk!

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Smoke Free Smoke

Congratulations to Haringey council for winning my rarely given "Uber Prats of The Week" Award.

For why?

Just ask Walter Purkis & Sons (the oldest working fish smokehouse in London), which is facing closure after one person complained about the smoke to the council (funny how it only takes one complaint to cause Nanny to wet herself); who then told the owners that they can only use smoke-free wood.

Now the astute amongst you may notice a wee problem with that.

Anyone?

Yes, that's right, it's a farking smokehouse; it needs to use smoke to smoke the fish!

A council spokesman told the Mail:

"We are working closely with them to resolve the issue. 

Until then the owner has been asked not to use the smokehouse."

Haringey council, well deserving Uber Prats of The Week.

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The Grim RIPA - HMRC Copies Local Councils

I am ungemused, but not surprised, to see that HMRC has taken a leaf out of local councils' books and has started using RIPA more often to spy on taxpayers (their phone calls, websites visited etc etc).

It is not just councils that are the enemies of the people, but the state!

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Advice To The Spamming Git Who Recently Infested This Site

Dear Spamming Git

I have identified your website, your so called "business", its sole shareholder and its phone number.

Pretending that you have no connection with the site that you are spamming won't work.

I advise to to stop spamming this site, or I will pass on your details to my chums in the media who will take a closer look at your company and its director.

Have a nice day!

Ken

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Ofsmoke - Go On Have A Fag!

I am gemused to see that some academics have come up with a "novel" scheme for raising tax revenues from the fag industry, without raising taxes on the fags themselves.

Their solution?

Cap the profits of the fag manufacturers by imposing a form of "super profits tax".

The academics are of the view that Nanny could raise at least £500M a year by imposing a profits tax similar to the means used to control the price of water.

How amusing that they liken fags to water!

Writing in the journal Tobacco Control, they say reducing profits would allow for higher taxes without changing the price in shops.

Dr Branston of the University of Bath wants to create a regulator (Ofsmoke), similar to Ofwat, to limit the profits made by tobacco manufacturers.

All very academically "entertaining" no doubt. However, here is the real world reality:

1 Ofwat has proven itself to be bollocks at regulating the water industry. Just ask yourself how much water is being wasted, at a cost to the consumer of water shortages and hosepipe bans, by some of the water companies because they will not upgrade their infrastructure.

2 The cigarette industry directly employs approximately 70,000 people in the UK (not forgetting those employed in other sectors who benefit from the sale of fags, eg corner shops). Were Nanny to implement profit hostile legislation they would simply move their remaining operations offshore.

Nanny should allow people to indulge their vices, and not interfere in people's private lives.

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Global Warming - Snow Level Three Warning

In keeping with the sense of hysteria that grips Nanny whenever anything happens with the weather, last night's light dusting of snow has caused Nanny to sound the alarm.

The much "respected" Met Office has placed England on Level 3 Alert (that's one notch below "National Emergency" FFS!) and the NHS has issued advise to people about how to stay warm.

Hmmm...it is winter isn't it?

We do live in a country that does occasionally experience snow and cold snaps don't we?

That'll be the global warming then!

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Sa-Vilegate

As the allegations about Savile mount, it is disturbing to see that many of his alleged crimes took place in institutions that are directly run by or approved of/licensed/monitored by the state.

This being the same state that seeks to increase its powers to remove children that it classifies as "vulnerable" from families.

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Go On Have A Fag!

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Postman Prat

Commiserations to the resident of Maryfield Walk and Rogerstone Avenue (in Stoke-on-Trent) who were, at the tail end of last year, hit by the health and safety gestapo who work for the Royal Mail.

Owing to "uneven paving slabs" (that are deemed by Nanny to be a "trip hazard") the Royal Mail have banned their postmen from delivering to these roads. Residents have to make a six mile round trip to pick the mail up from the nearest depot.

The Mail quotes a spokesman for Royal Mail said:

"We have temporarily suspended deliveries because of the very poor state of the pavements in the area. 

We previously raised our concerns with residents about the safety risk because the pavements are their responsibility, but to date these haven’t been addressed. 

We carried out a further risk assessment last week and the paving clearly posed a safety risk. Our delivery staff have been injured in very similar circumstances and as we have a duty of care we are not prepared to compromise on safety. 

We are keen to resume deliveries to these addresses as soon as improvements are made to the pavements."

Seemingly the council will not repair the road.

Pete Price, of Stoke-on-Trent City Council, said:

"It is the responsibility of the landowner to ensure the roads and pavements are maintained to a safe standard."

An absurd situation, by any reasonable person's standards!.


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Prats of The Week - Her Majesty's Courts and Tribunals Service

Ohh err missus, 'tis the second week of 2013 and most certainly time for the first Prats of The Week Award of the year.

Therefore, without further ado, I am happy to announce that Her Majesty's Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) are Prats of The Week.

For why?

Just ask Tim Green, who was disputing a decision to remove his disability benefits.

Mr Green's ex wife (who helps him with his paperwork because of his poor sight) received a letter from HMCTS saying that he couldn't appeal the decision to remove the benefits.

For why?

Because he was dead!

HMCTS then added further fuel to the fire by writing another letter, one week later, saying that Mr Green was fit enough to work.

HMCTS officials have now issued a formal apology, as per the Mail:

"This letter was sent in error. 

We are taking steps to ensure that proper procedures are followed in future."

HMCTS well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Beware Nanny's Prum Treaty

In the "good old" days of Nu Liebour, Nanny quietly signed up to an EU treaty in 2008 known as the Prum Treaty.

This treaty (yet to be implemented in the UK) entitles EU police forces to access Nanny UK's DNA database, the police fingerprint database and the DVLA records of every driver in Britain.

According to the Mail, Nanny EU is now fed up with the foot dragging of Nanny UK and is threatening to fine the UK unless access is given.

When this is implemented in the event that there is a cock up, ie an innocent person is mistakenly identified as a suspect, innocent Brits will find themselves extradited to a foreign land before they have the chance to prove their innocence in the UK.

Mind you this is par for the course under Liebour, given that it was Bliar that gave the US the right to extradite British citizens to the US to face trial over there (rather than be tried in the UK under British law) without the need for prima facie evidence of a crime.

However, it is only a one way agreement!

- It removes or restricts key protections for defendants
- It was signed and adopted without any parliamentary scrutiny

Under the treaty, the allegations of the US government will be enough to secure the extradition of people from the UK. However, if the UK wants to extradite someone from the US, evidence to the standard of a "reasonable" demonstration of guilt will still be required.

No other EU countries would accept this US demand, either politically or constitutionally. Yet the UK government not only acquiesced, but did so taking advantage of arcane legislative powers to see the treaty signed and implemented without any parliamentary debate or scrutiny.

All happy with this are we?

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Fat Matters

I was ungemused, but not at all surprised, to see that Nanny's chums from Labour recently called for legal limits to be placed on the fat, sugar and salt content of foods.

Shadow health secretary Andy Burnham said that current voluntary agreements with the food industry were not working, and the obesity problem was worsening.

Quite how Nanny can impose "legal limits" on the fat, sugar and salt contents of foods is beyond me; eg cheese and butter are, by definition, fat! Is Nanny intending to ban cheese and butter, or ration our consumption of them (as per the Second World War)?

The issue of obesity is not as simplistic as fat, salt, sugar but it relates to the fact that humans are designed to store fat during relatively rare times of "plenty" in order to survive the frequent times of scarcity. The "problem" (one would actually call it a "success") that the Western world faces is that we no longer live (in the First World) in a situation of food scarcity.

However, that is likely to soon end as the prices of food staples is set to rocket in the coming months/years; thus bringing us back to a period of food scarcity.

Nanny's chums in Parliament may care to also reflect on their own taxpayer subsidised intake of "unhealthy" substances (and their waistlines) before lecturing the rest of us on what we can/cannot eat!

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Auntie's Banana-free Zone

I am gemused to read that Nanny's chum Auntie has imposed a banana-free zone in the new Broadcasting House, because a member of staff has an allergy to bananas.

Posters have been put up a picture of a banana with a large cross through it.

The banana-free zone has been put in place in “specific areas of the newsroom”, where staff have been warned that unpeeling or eating the fruit at their desks could cause problems.
 

A spokesman for the BBC told the Telegraph that the ban was not imposed by the corporation, but issued by members of staff concerned for their colleague’s welfare.

Wouldn't a simple, polite verbal request along the lines of "please could you eat your banana elsewhere" be a little more appropriate, proportionate and less humiliating for the member of staff?
 

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Nanny Hates Fat People

In keeping with the ongoing onslaught of diet and anti fat BS being spewed forth by Nanny and the food/diet industry, I am "gemused" to see that a Tory council (Westminster) has declared war on fat people who claim benefits.

Westminster council wants fat people who claim benefits to take more exercise, fat people who refuse to attend exercise sessions could have their benefits slashed and GPs would also be allowed to prescribe leisure activities like swimming and fitness classes under the plans.

This Orwellian idea is contained in a report entitled A Dose of Localism: The Role of Council in Public Health, in a link-up between Westminster Council and the Local Government Information Unit (LGiU).

It seems that Nanny has used 1984 as the blue print for her vision of "utopia".

Orwell would not be pleased, as he wrote the book as a warning not a blue print!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Booze Matters - New Year Resolution

A Happy New Year to one and all.

In keeping with the time of year, I see that Nanny and the diet industry are bombarding us with adverts etc telling us to diet, detox and exercise.

All very boring and all very predictable.

To add to the cacophony of unwelcome noise, the World Cancer Research Fund has decreed that alcohol makes up nearly 10% of total calorie intake among drinkers.

Shock horror!

So what?

The solution to excess calories taken in from alcohol consumption is simple.

Eat less food.

Voila, problem solved!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries