The Serial Groper

Breaking news....the Smooth Talking Bar Steward has admitted that he was stupid!

I do believe that this is the first time that I ever agreed with something that Prescott has said.

Am I becoming soft in my old age?

Doesn't Nanny count groping at work as sexual harassment?

Has Nanny broken her own rules?

Buy your memorial thong here The Prescott Memorial Groping Thong

Educashun, Educashun, Educashun

It never ceases to amaze me how on the one hand Nanny says that we must all get an educashun, yet on the other she dumbs it down.

Nanny's chums in De Montfort "university" Leicester have been so worried about upsetting their students, that they have lowered the passmark on the pharmacy exam to 26% to prevent widespread failure by the students.

It seems that 14% was arbitrarily added to the scores of trainee pharmacists, in order to save the university's reputation.

Nanny tried to keep this secret.

However, Richard Thomas, the Information Commissioner ruled that De Montfort was wrong to withhold documents because they might damage its reputation and commercial interests.

De Montfort, a former polytechnic, had denied claims that pass rates were manipulated.

This claim appears to be bollocks!

Marks were raised for five modules, one of which was maths, an essential component of the training of hospital and high street pharmacists.

Several lecturers actually had some backbone and integrity, and were opposed to tampering with the marks. They were of the belief that the "university" had recruited weak students who were "not up to the rigours of the programme".

Needless to say they have been overruled by Larry Goodyear, the head of the pharmacy school, who said he did not want to be

"the head of a school that failed 50 per cent of students at the first assessment attempt".

In other words, he wanted to cover up his own failings!

Sack him!

He even tried to intimidate staff, their word not mine, by warning of redundancies if so many students were failed and forced to re-sit before the second year.

Marks for five modules were increased by 3%, 6%, 9%, 12% and 14%; depending on how badly the students had performed.

The lowering of the pass rate happened in 2004, the students are now in their final year of the qualification.

The university was also forced to disclose a letter from external examiners who said the upgrading was "deplorable" and "improper".

The Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain has put the pharmacy course on probation, and is monitoring the implementation of a five-point action plant.

A De Montfort spokesman bulshitted by saying:

"..every confidence in the quality and robustness of the pharmacy modules and course, in the staff that teach the modules and in our students".

What a load of crap!

We do ourselves no favours by awarding useless degrees to moronic students who will end up the rest of their lives in penury, with their hands held out waiting to be given a handout.

The world does not owe anyone a living.

Education is a privilege, not a right!

Nanny Bans Merchants

I have always had the feeling that Nanny rather disapproves of making money by buying and selling things, all a little bit too grubby for her.

Therefore it has come as no surprise to hear that the phrase "merchants" has been banned in Bristol.

The proposed name, "Merchants' Quarter", of the city's £500 million development scheme has been dropped after campaign groups complained about its links with the slave trade.

Opponents have said the name of the city centre regeneration project was an insensitive reminder of Bristol's past.

Now the developers, the Bristol Alliance, have decided to drop the name of the project in the face of growing public disquiet.

Philip Vaughan, Bristol Alliance project director said:

"We would not wish the name of the development to cause offence

to any individual or group."

The leader of Nanny's trolls on Bristol City Council, Barbara Janke has been lobbying for a change of the name for some time.

She said:

"There is no doubt that the proposed branding has offended a significant number of people in the areas directly affected by the scheme."

Simba Tongogara, Afro Caribbean representative of St Paul's Unlimited Partnership, said:

"It's a deep rooted thing in terms of the Afro-Caribbean community.

It's good that the Bristol Alliance has seen the sensitivity
of the issue.

Knowing that the Atlantic slave trade was a holocaust for African people we must welcome that the name the Merchants Quarter has now been dropped."

That is all very well, but merchants existed before and after the slave trade. To try to eradicate all words that may have had some connection with slavery is a nonsense.

The current wealth of Bristol, and indeed the UK, was built in part on the slave trade. Yet people are still happy to live in this country and others (eg the USA) which also have had connections with slavery.

Other countries that have used slavery for their own gain include: Africa, Egypt, Italy, Greece, Nazi Germany etc. Yet we are still happy to visit and lavish praise on the Pharoahs' tombs, admire the Roman viaducts, enjoy a Greek meal and buy German cars etc!

The Dangers of Swimming

Do you recall those marvellous public information films in the sixties and seventies, which on the one hand warned of the dangers of playing near canals and ponds (lest you fall in and drown) and on the other encouraged you to learn to swim so that you could save yourself, or someone else, if you did end up in the water?

Well, Nanny has decided that the safest thing to do is to ensure that we don't swim at all.

Nanny's trolls in a Weymouth magistrates court earlier this month decided to ensure that Nanny's no swimming message was heard loud and clear, much to the chagrin of Daniel Roy from Portland Dorset.

You see Mr Roy was caught in Weymouth Harbour, which has a strict no "enter the water" policy. The magistrates fined Mr Roy £68 for breaking the law.

However, I should at this stage point out that Mr Roy was not in the water for some self centred personal amusement; he was in fact trying to rescue his best friend from drowning!

Maybe he shouldn't have bothered?

Welcome to Lah Lah Land!

The Smooth Talking Bar Steward

Gratifying to see that Nanny's Smooth Talking Bar Steward has lived up to the nickname given to him by this site, and used his cunning linguistic skills to charm the ladies.

See Two Jags Two Wives.

Commemorative T shirts and thongs of this historic event can be purchased here Bollocks To The Bar Steward.

On The Buses

Sometimes even I am surprised, and stunned, by how daft Nanny is becoming in her senile old age.

We have seen her ban; Hot Cross buns, fags, fat, religion, hoodies, hats, conkers, hot water you name it...now it seems that paint is on her list of banned products.

Nanny's trolls who run the bus service in Cardiff have taken it upon themselves to designate paint as a dangerous substance, which should not be carried on the buses.

Brian Heale, who is 73, got on a number 9 bus the other day and wanted to be taken from Heath Hospital to Prospect Place in Cardiff. Unfortunately for Mr Heale he was carrying a tin of paint, antique emulsion to be precise; he was taking it home to do a spot of painting.

The jobsworth bus driver, who clearly has been trained at Nanny's special school for jobsworth cretins, decided to strictly adhere to the rules issued by the bus company; these rules have placed paint in the same category as swords, guns and cans of petrol.

The driver caught Mr Heale in the act of carrying a can of emulsion, and ordered him off the bus.

Mr Heale is quoted as saying:

"When he told me I couldn't take the paint on the bus I thought he was joking.

But he parked the bus and called head office.

He told me carrying the paint was against new health and safety regulations and told me to get off.

It's crazy and hysterical.

Next thing, you won't be able to take a wet umbrella on in case it drips water on the floor.

Health and safety rules are one thing but this is just daft;

it was a No 9 bus not a dangerous building site."

Mr Heale was thrown off into the rain, and took shelter in a cafe. There the manager took pity on him, and his paint, and gave him a lift home.

Nanny's new health and safety rules governing public transport list paint as a "hazardous article". It can be taken on the bus only if it is "carried in two containers, ie, a sealed pot and a bag, and is not left unattended on a parcel shelf where it could slide and tip, burst open and spread across the floor".

Cardiff Bus when confronted with their stupidity, admitted that they may have been a little hard on Mr Heale.

A spokesman squirmed:

"We apologise to Mr Heale for the obvious inconvenience caused.

The safety of our passengers is our No 1 priority, which is why the company takes regulations on health and safety very seriously."

The company admitted, however, that there were times when it needed to display a little more flexibility when enforcing the rules. In other words they admitted that they didn't think, and were happy to let Nanny do their thinking for them.

For shame!

Nanny is destroying society, people no longer think about what they are doing and are now happy to mindlessly obey her daft over prescriptive rules.

It is time that we started to think for ourselves again.

Send your thoughts on this matter to Cardiff Bus via this link Knobheads.

Nanny's Undue Haste

Beware an old man in a hurry, or so the old saying goes.

In this particular case I would advise you to beware of an old woman in a hurry, specifically Nanny. As she sees that her time in office may be growing short, after all the British people are now thoroughly fed up with the maladministration and control freakery of the current regime, Nanny is concerned to ensure that her flagship legislation doesn't get holed below the water line

Specifically, she is absolutely determined to push forward with her ID cards legislation.

Nanny plans to race forward with the multi-billion pound infrastructure and to ensure that it is up and running before the next election, thereby neutering a Tory pledge to scrap it.

David Cameron, the Conservative leader, earlier this month had said that ID cards were a monument to over-mighty government:

"I promise you this in office, we will pull it down."

Unfortunately some erections are harder to pull down than others, so to speak!

Nanny's little chum Andy Burnham, the home office minister responsible for the scheme, said that Mr Cameron's "throwaway line" is irrelevant; as the rapid roll-out of the scheme would make it impossible to reverse.

Burnham arrogantly crowed that it would be a fait accompli by the 2008 or 2009 expected date of the next general election. Nanny is unwise to allow her arrogance to be so openly displayed.

Burnham gushed:

"I'm keen to see plenty of ID cards in circulation come the next election.

The whole landscape will have changed by the time if, and it's a big if, the Tories ever get anywhere near power."

Can you smell the fear oozing from Nanny's orifices?

Anyhoo, Nanny's trolls in the Home Office are gearing up rapidly (can any civil servant act "rapidly"?) to start the multi-billion pound procurement process.

Burnham predicted that companies would be keen to tender their bids:

"Everything's changing now we've got royal assent.

The private sector's engagement will change radically in the next few months."

Needless to say, the wise amongst you will know that to rush headlong into any major IT project is fraught with dangers...even if firms with the awesome reputation of Crapita tender for it!

More money down the drain, but Nanny doesn't care as it is not her money!

Those of you who need reminding as to why ID cards are bollocks should read Top Ten Reasons Why ID Cards Are Bollocks.

Do Not Adjust Your PC

Sorry for the problems with the site over the last few days folks, the host server went down.

Normal service has now been resumed.

Ken

Prat of The Week

This week's prestigious Prat of The Week Award goes to Nanny's "Blue Sky Thinker" John Birt, Lord Birt to you sonny!

Lord Blue Sky attended a parliamentary committee this week, and managed not to answer any serious question posed to him.

He did though admit that it took a senior civil servant six months to write one page of a report on drugs. Needless to say, Lord Blue Sky wouldn't say who that hapless laggard was.

The report on drugs was castigated by the committee as being written in the style of a junior school teacher talking to an eight year old.

Another fine example of the value for money approach adopted by Nanny and her trolls. Lord Heseltine, who said that the Tories shouldn't knock the public sector, should take note of this sorry little tale.

Who knows, maybe he too will win the Prat of The Week Award?

Money Well Spent

It is gratifying to read that the beloved and respected wife of Blairy Poppins, Cherie Blair (de facto First Lady), spent £7700 of Labour party money during last year's general election on her hair.

As you can see it is money well spent!

The Anfluence of Ilcohol

Hot on the heels of Nanny's anti smoking drive, it now seems that she is planning to launch another anti booze drive.

This time Nanny feels that by labelling booze with health warnings, we will all drink less.

Nanny's chum Caroline Flint, the Public Health Minister, recently announced plans to place health alerts on bottles and cans similar to those on cigarette packets. She said that Nanny was talking to the drinks industry about putting the warnings in pubs, off-licences and on supermarket shelves.

I am not alone in feeling that this is a total waste of time and money.

No less a person that Egon Ronay, the food critic, has in effect called Nanny's scheme bollocks. He says that the changes would expose Britain to "worldwide ridicule".

Ronay said:

"Britain would be exposed to worldwide ridicule if plans by Caroline Flint to print a health notice on wine labels materialise."

Unfortunately, Nanny has already caused this country to be subject to worldwide ridicule.

Nanny believes that because wine measures varied, people did not always know how much they were drinking.

Ronay quite rightly points out:

"Jacques Chirac, chief detractor of eating in Britain, would lead the laughter.

The degree of alcohol, mostly 12 to 13 per cent in ordinary wines, is already on every label."


One of Nanny's latest warning messages is

"Don't do drunk".

Effective it is not!

As with cigarettes the messages will be ignored; a man and a woman, each with a cigarette packet. The woman's packet says that fags will reduce the chances of pregnancy, the man's says that the fags will reduce the sperm count.

Solution?

Swap the packets!

As with the majority of Nanny's "ideas", this is all a load of old tosh!

Twats!

Sometimes Nanny does something which, even by her standards, is so monumentally stupid that the term "Twat" can only be applied.

This time her lackeys in Nanny's Republic of Glasgow have come up with a real wheeze (there's a pun in there if you look hard enough).

You will recall that Scotland is a few steps ahead of England in respect of banning smoking? Well yet again the Scots are leading the way in extending this ban.

Smokers in Glasgow are being urged to extend the nationwide smoking ban in public places, to their own homes. A project, running since December, in the city's east end has managed to harangue 50 people into signing up to make their homes smoke free.

Seemingly residents can "earn" a gold award by making their home entirely smoke free, or silver by having a dedicated ventilated smoking room.

Do these people lead such sad lives that the award by Nanny of a gold star really gives them a kick?

Get a life!

The project aims to protect families and young children from the effects of passive smoking.

Now if only we could have a project to protect us from Nanny, that would be something!

Nanny is currently targeting families with children aged under five, you can bet that she will extend her target area in the near future.

Agnes McGowan, principle health promotion officer (tobacco) with NHS Greater Glasgow, said:

"It has been very well received.

Smoking is normalised in communities and a way to deal with stress.

We say, you can protect your family."

Rather ominously, Nanny's chums in Glasgow City Council have visited 143 premises since the introduction of the ban.

Do they have a right to do that?

The local authority didn't issue any penalties, but said it was "a little disappointed" at a lack of no smoking notices.

A spokeswoman said:

"That's part of the legislation and we'd expect to see a bit more attention by owners to that area over the next few days."

What will they do if they find people smoking I wonder?

The scary thing is that we are paying these people's salaries!

As said:

Twats!

Spies Like Us

We are now being reminded in an increasingly shrill manner by Nanny and her chums in the water companies that we are facing a drought.

The region that is expected to be worst hit is the South East.

I am more than supportive of efforts to ensure that we save water, and don't waste this scarce resource. There may of course be a few questions that could be thrown at Nanny and the water companies, as to why the water delivery system in the UK is so leaky and as to whether more could have been done earlier to avert this situation.

However, what sticks in the throat is Nanny's desire to get us to report each other for using hose pipes etc. More than 1,600 neighbours have reported each other for breaking hosepipe bans in the South East.

Southern Water, which serves two million customers, said 1,533 had reported people for breaking the ban which was imposed last summer.

Proactively encouraging people to spy and report on each other is reminiscent of Nazi and Stalinist dictatorships.

Britain should be above such behaviour.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone!

I hope that you all have an enjoyable and peaceful Easter.

Ken

Nanny Bans Easter

Another Easter is about to be upon us, how time flies!

Needless to say Nanny and her trolls are keen to make sure that her presence is not forgotten, or placed below that of God.

Therefore she has decided to ban Easter, or at least the mention of Easter.

An Iranian Christian group from Hexthorpe Methodist Church Doncaster Yorkshire has been forbidden from advertising its Easter passion play in a public library, lest they cause offence to other religious groups.

The 100 members of the Methodist group have performed the play twice before, this year it will put on the open-air show in Rotherham and they had hoped to advertise the event in the main library there.

Needless to say Nanny's odious little trolls in Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council have had to have their say. They told the group that to do so would infringe a long-standing policy, which does not allow religious groups to put posters up in its libraries and museums.

Elizabeth Collins, a Bible teacher with the group, said:

"This is supposed to be a Christian country, we can't believe it.

We go to other countries to promote democracy and free-thinking yet on our own doorstep we cannot even put up a poster about our Easter passion play.

This is ludicrous and so petty.

We have already taken religion out of our schools and now it is being taken out of public places as well."

Members of the group have separate Bible studies in Iranian, but all attend English language church services every Sunday.

Miss Collins said:

"Rotherham council gave us permission to perform the play, but we're effectively not being allowed to publicise it.

One of our members wanted to put up a poster about the play in the library

but officials kept it for a few days

then came back and said it could not be displayed

because it might cause offence to other people.

We can only imagine they mean other religions.

The poster just has a cross on it with the date,

time and place of the performance and says Iranian Christian Drama.

What offence can that cause to anyone?"

Miss Collins added:

"I was more than a little bit angry when I heard of the ban.

I am dismayed to see the state of this nation.

What has it come to when you cannot display a Christian poster for fear of upsetting somebody else in a Christian country?

If I had gone to Iran with a poster under my arm and tried to place it in a library there I would probably have come out without a head on my shoulders."

Rotherham metropolitan borough council explained that its ban applied to all of the religious, political and commercial groups in the district.

A spokesman said:

"We have had a policy in place for more than 20 years that religious groups are not allowed to display posters in our museums and libraries.

It is nothing against the particular church or group. It is just a blanket ban.

It is not the poster or the event which is causing us concern.

We don't want to promote one religious group above another."

Nanny misses the point, in a free society it should be perfectly OK for groups (whatever their faith or political inclination) to advertise their existence and activities.

Please feel free to send your Easter messages to Rotherham Council via this link Wish Rotherham a Happy Easter.

Happy Easter folks!

Nanny Bans Parents

Nanny's tireless crusade against the evil weed continues apace. Needless to say, she conveniently ignores the fact that she earns a significant amount of revenue from the taxes that she levies on fags.

Not content with banning smoking in all manner of public places, Nanny has now decided that those who smoke at home should also be penalised.

Nanny's revolting little trolls at Dundee City Council have banned two foster carer couples from looking after children, because they won't give up smoking.

The couples have had the temerity to defy the no smoking rules imposed by the scumbags (I don't think thhat is too strong a word) at Dundee City Council, who insist that homes for foster parents be smoke free.

Nanny requires prospective foster parents to sign a pledge promising not to light up under their own roof.

Out of 27 existing foster parents in the city who smoke, 25 have said that they will accept the new guidelines. The two remaining couples are refusing to comply, even though they face being stripped of their approved foster-parent status.

An official report on the Family Placement smoking policy, which is backed by the city's social work committee, states:

"Two households have indicated they will not comply with the revised policy.

In order to progress towards a situation of full compliance the Family Placement Service will continue to work with these two carers to try to reduce the effect of their smoking on the young people in their care and, when the placements end, to review their approval."

Nanny, as usual, chooses to insist that her petty minded and nasty rules be placed above practical common sense.

Orphaned children and those in care are crying out for stable loving foster parents, smoking should be the least of Nanny's worries in recruiting foster parents.

Claire Dickinson, of the Fostering Network, sums it up by saying:

"It is clearly better for a child to live in a smoke-free environment, but being a good foster carer is about much more than whether or not you smoke."

Nanny is a hateful spiteful old witch who is causing unnecessary suffering and hurt, merely so that her petty rules are obeyed.

She is without pity or sympathy, and cannot in anyway be considered to be fit to hold office if she cannot empathise with the people that she is meant to serve.

Tide Turns Against Nanny

Normally, I leave the comments made by the readership in the comments section of the site; they are usually very stimulating, and tend to hit the nail on the head when it comes to the incompetence and stupidity of Nanny.

Please keep them coming!

However, in this particular case I would like to draw your attention to the comments made by Grant in respect of "Nanny Bans Muslim".

Grant I would like to thank you for your comments, and hope that you do not mind me highlighting your post. I believe that your comments about Crapita highlight exactly the nature of the incompetence of Nanny and her trolls.

More importantly I believe that you have hit the nail on the head, with your assertion that people are now thoroughly fed up with the state and those that make a very nice living out of the state.

The question is, who on earth do we vote for to deliver us from the state?

Locally, please vote www.cracc.co.uk.

Nationally the answer is not clear.

Comments, as ever, very welcome and much appreciated.

Here is Grant's post:

"Artella, I didn't really miss the point. I can see why Nanny would wish to encourage the pastime of watching pap but get confused by the need to offend no one under any circumstances. I did say that "I" would have banned the ad in an attempt (pointless perhaps) to discourage self inflicted brain death. Surely someone will ban that right at some point, won't they?

A few years I had a similar degree of attention from Crapita as Winston Smith has experienced. After my mother passed on her TV licence (free) came up for renewal which prompted me to call the number and advise them that the house was not permanently occupied at the time. I called twice. Then wrote. Still the letters came, though eventually addressed to "The Occupier". I gave up trying to help their admin system. Eventually the letters started arriving once more addressed to my late mother. 2 or 3 a month, presumably because Crapita are paid based on how many letters they send out ... ?

In the end I gave up and kept the kettle warm when I was at the house in anticipation of a visit from the TVLA gestapo. It never happened. I expect they were all too busy with monitoring halls of residence at universities. Now that IS a scam if ever there was one. Makes Turpin of Downing Street look like an amateur.

I was going to keep the Crapita letters and paper a wall with them but my life manager seems to have disposed of them.

Interestingly, on the subject of general dissatisfaction with things, I seem to be meeting more and more people who are volunteering the information that they are rather or very unhappy with the way this country is developing. These are mostly ordinary people who I would have judged to be the very last ones to feel the need to voice such opinions. And they are not just the usual general moans either.

Maybe there is a form of revolution brewing.

But if they seek a political change of tack, who on earth would they vote for?"

Nanny Bans Muslim

Dear oh dear!

Nanny really does get her knickers in a twist when it comes to religion, one might almost think that she was a bit religious herself. That of course would be unthinkable, as we all know that religion and politics should not mix!

Anyhoo, this time Nanny has decided to try to be fair; she knows that a lot of you have been worried about her alleged anti Christian bias. You know the sort of thing; the word Christmas banned, crosses removed from registry offices etc.

This time dear old Nanny has decided to ban the word Muslim.

Her lackeys on London's Underworld railway have decided that a poster for the new TV thriller about a Muslim spy is just way toooooo offensive. Therefore they have banned it.

The poster advertises the American series Sleeper Cell, and shows a man on a mobile phone with the tagline "America's latest hero is a Muslim straight out of jail".

Nanny's toads in the London Underworld railway decided that the words were offensive, and have refused to have it on platform walls unless the word " Muslim" is removed.

A spokesman for London Underworld said:

"The text on this poster is clearly intended to be sensationalist and could give offence.

Following consultation with Viacom, which manages advertising on the Tube, it was decided to ask for the words 'is a Muslim' to be removed.

This decision was taken in line with our standard policies which seek to avoid gratuitously insulting large groups of Londoners."

Is the same Underworld system that gratuitously features posters of scantily dressed women, thus potentially offending 50% of the population of London?

Sleeper Cell is about an undercover FBI Agent called Darwyn Al Sayeed, who infiltrates a terrorist cell.

Now the subtle point here is that the Muslim is shown to be a "good guy", unlike so many films which portray Muslims as crazed loons intent on world destruction; the hero is trying to save lives.

You would have thought that had Nanny used her limited brains, she would have noted that this film kind of tries to redress the balance a bit.

A spokesman for FX, the channel which airs the series, said the channel was "shocked" by the decision.

"The line 'America's latest hero is a Muslim straight out of prison' is meant to sum up the basis of the show's plot.

The show's hero is put in prison in order to gain access to the cell he aims to investigate and eventually expose.

It is in no way intended to cause offence or upset to Muslims."

It is the first American TV drama to feature a Muslim as the lead heroic character, and I would suggest a much needed and late attempt to redress the appalling media bias.

Needless to say, in Nanny's world details and facts are for the small people (ie us), she only deals with the "broader picture".

The Farting Chair II

You may recall the story I regaled you with a while ago about the teacher, Sue Storer, who left her job as deputy head of Bedminster Down Secondary School in Bristol because her chair made farting sounds.

Needless to say, she took her "case" to an employment tribunal and tried to claim £1M for loss of income etc etc.

Well folks, the result of the tribunal is in...she lost.

Nice to see the tribunal exercised common sense, even if the parties in this case didn't.

Had common sense been exercised by the various parties involved, I think it quite likely that she would not have left her job and brought this case. However, Nanny doesn't allow us to exercise common sense anymore!

Nanny Bans Hot Water

As if Nanny doesn't have enough to worry about, she has decided to get a bee in her bonnet about showers and baths and the dangers associated with hot water.

You might recall this was mentioned a year ago on this site (see Despot Lands in Hot Water).

Well it seems that Nanny hasn't given up on her daft idea to ban hot water, and her best friend Mary Creagh MP has launched a campaign to reduce scalding injuries.

Creagh wants to change the law so that thermostatic valves are fitted in all new and refurbished homes, to prevent hot bath water scalding.

A staggering 600 people a year suffer severe bath water scalds. In Nanny's world that is a ginormous figure, in the real world that is statistically irrelevant.

There are 58 million people in the UK, assume they each have a bath/shower once a day; that is 20,648,000,000 baths a year, out of which only 600 injure themselves.

Pah!

Creagh is undaunted by statistical reality, and says:

"We need to change the law to stop these horrific accidents from happening.

Boiling bath water causes terrible injuries

for children and pensioners

because their skin is thinner

and they are less able to get out of a superheated bath.

Hot water burns like fire

(editor's note...er no it doesn't you ignorant MP!)

Scotland has changed its law to protect people - why can't we?"

Why should we?

Creagh ignores a few facts:

-How many people injure themselves by slipping in a bath or shower?

-Will Nanny be banning baths and showers?

-How many infections are caused by using water that is not hot enough?

-If people tested the water first, before stepping in, they wouldn't burn themselves.

-Will Nanny be banning kettles, fires and ovens?

Bloody stupid!

The Wirral Egg Run

Congratulations to the bikers of Wirral who, for the second year running (see Nanny Bans Easter Eggs, ignored Nanny's ban on their charitable egg run and went ahead and did one anyway.

2000 bikers turned up and did what they had to do.

That's the true British spirit, sticking two fingers up at authority!

Needless to say, despite Nanny's fear of disaster, no one was injured.

Here is a link to the story...Wirral Egg Run...gosh how unusual!

Nanny Bans Dirty Weekends

Nanny has a bit of a hang up about sex, and really doesn't think that people should be doing it that often.

Therefore she has outlined plans to abolish the dirty weekend. Nanny will ban the use of aliases when checking in to hotels, this will mean the demise of Mr and Mrs Smith the ever so regular couple who stay in thousands of seaside hotels across Britain each weekend.

Nanny says that the abolition of aliases will help prevent rooms being used for the performing of sex acts for money.

Yeah right, that will work!

Nanny is also asking hotels to redesign interiors that cater for lewd and illicit acts. Changes include de-postering four-poster beds, the removal of "weekend kits" and ceiling mirrors.

Barmy!

Nanny Bans Yews

When you walk down the street, have you ever wondered about the threats to your general health and safety that lurk in the seemingly innocent shrubbery that surrounds you?

Fortunately Nanny is here to look after us!

She has made full risk assessment of the shrubs and foliage that we take for granted, and has decided that Yew hedges pose a clear and present danger to our existence.

That at least is what Nanny's trolls in Avonmouth Council have decided.

Yew hedges growing near a city play area have been ripped up, because the council decided that they could poison a child.

Earth, if eaten in sufficiently large quantities can also be poisonous; would they have that removed from the planet as well?

The hedges were planted around Blaise Castle's new cafe and play area, which opened in May last year. I would note that the cost of planting was around £5K.

However, they were removed because Nanny's braindead jobsworths have received a complaint from a busybody parent who claimed that the needles from the hedges were poisonous and should not be allowed close to a children's play area.

Proof, if ever it were needed, that some people should not be allowed to have children.

Council workers have now ripped up the Yews in the "danger area". The irony is that there are other areas where this most dangerous of plants is still allowed to grow.

Nanny's trolls in the council now admit that the hedges are more likely to be a danger to cows and horses than humans, but decided ripping them out was the "safest" thing to do after the complaints.

One resident, Mrs Santry,vented her spleen at the council saying:

"How absolutely ludicrous when there are fully grown yew trees all around the estate,

not to mention belladonna also known as deadly nightshade, in the woods,

poisonous fungi in the autumn,

dogs mess,

sticks,

stones,

lakes."

City council spokeswoman Kate Hartas said:

"Yew is poisonous but it also tastes foul, so it would take a very determined person to eat enough to hurt themselves.

Nevertheless, the council decided that,

as the cafe is very close to the children's play park,

the safest thing would be to remove it."

Nanny is speaking with forked tongue; it is not about safety at all, it is in fact about making us totally reliant on her so that we will not even be able to wipe our backsides without her assistance.

Life is all about learning to cope with risk and disaster, by trying to eliminate risk (which is of course impossible) Nanny is ensuring that future generations will grow up without the necessary survival instincts and skills for living a full and rewarding life.

Do yourselves a favour this coming May and stick two fingers up at your local council and Nanny, by voting for the candidates who totally reject the Nanny state.

If you live in Croydon, or know someone who does, then vote CRACC.

Jobsworth Pratts!

Congratulations to the jobsworths in Carrick Council for winning the prestigious Pratt of the Week Award.

Their particular pratt like behaviour has cost the good citizens of Carrick and Truro dear, in terms of time and money wasted on a silly jobsworth regulation.

The problem all started back on 31st December 2005, when a humble burger van was trying to ply its trade on Lemon Quay.

Truro Town Clerk, Russell Holland, was approached two days before by the operator of the burger van who sought permission to provide the snacks at the council New Year event on Lemon Quay.

Permission was granted.

However, at 11:44PM on the 31st, some interfering busybody reported to Carrick Council the fact that the burger van did not have the requisite £59 licence.

In fact the operator needed two licences:

- The occasional street trading licence £38 and

- The temporary event notice £21

Carrick, clearly with nothing better to do, then told Mr Holland that they would of course be taking legal action and that he would have to give a statement under caution.

Pratts!

This of course meant that Truro Council had to seek legal advice (quite properly so). The costs are now estimated to be running into the thousands.

Does Carrick Council care?

Does it F**k!

Proof, if ever it were needed, that local councils do not work for the voters but for themselves.

Feel free to drop Carrick Council a line with your views on this matter, via this link Pratts!

Nanny's Doggy Database

Nanny, as we all know, loves to keep records; records of our movements, records of our TV ownership, records of car ownership, ID records now even records of our DNA are being built up.

However, as with all obsessive compulsives, Nanny is not yet fully satisfied. She has decided to diversify and expand her catalogue of records from not just mere humans, but to dogs as well.

Nanny's chums on the Isle of Man, her Commissioners no less, have decided to start a doggy database for dirty dogs.

Dirty dog owners who fail to clean up after their pooches will now face fines of up to £1000, as a result of DNA testing.

Nanny's Commissioners will conduct a DNA test on every pile of dog waste they find, and use it to track down the culprits.

Nice work if you can get it!

The suspect animal will have its DNA tested, and if the sample of dog excrement matches the hapless pooch, the owner could be fined.

Honest folks, this is not some late April Fool's joke!

The plan has been announced by council bosses in the Malew area, at the island's southern tip.

Commissioners' clerk Dave Barron said:

"I'm fed up with it.

We have tried being nice, putting up posters and talking to people.

Now we are going to take action

if we see anybody breaking a by-law.

But the problem is catching dogs in the act.

If residents want something done, I will do something.

I cannot prosecute without somebody telling me who, where and when.

There is DNA equipment that tests the poo and the dog and matches up the two.

We are not just sitting around waiting for a dog to foul the street.

We can take it further."

PC Faith Cooper, from Port Erin police station, said:

"It's a massive problem

You can't walk in a straight line."

Only in Britain!

The question is, will those animals who have had their DNA tested but were found to be innocent have their DNA records removed from the central database?

Humans who get tested don't have that right.

A Fishy Tale

As we all know Nanny has, over the years, bombarded us with "facts" and advice about what we should and shouldn't eat.

The trouble is, her advice keeps changing; for example:

• We used to be told to drink at least a pint of milk every day, for strong bones and healthy teeth; now we are told that milk contains unhealthy levels of fat.



• Butter and cheese were good sources of protein and vitamin D, now of course they fall under the fat embargo.



• Eggs, great a few years ago; then first comes Eggwina, and next cholesterol.



• Meat, once an excellent source of protein; now an evil source of fat.



• Smoking, this was (300 years ago) taught to children by the state as a means of purifying and cleaning the lungs. Now, well you know the story now!



• Booze, some doctors prescribe drinking in moderation, others council against it.



• Beef was once the meat of choice, then along comes a mad cow and all hell breaks loose.



• Carrots were meant to help you see in the dark, this of course was bollocks. The "seeing in the dark myth" was a piece of propaganda put out in the war designed to make the Germans think that our success at shooting down their bombers was due to better night vision, when in fact it was down to radar (which was classified secret at the time).

Confusing isn't it?

This brings us on to fish, oily fish to be precise. Once we were told by Nanny that oily fish, such as salmon, was good for our bodies and brains. Now it seems that advice may be bollocks.

Analysis of recent trials has found little evidence that eating fish, or taking fish oil capsules, cuts the risk of dying of heart disease, stroke or cancer.

The analysis indicates that it is difficult to show clear benefits. The better the quality of the trial, the lower the apparent benefit.

The findings are published in the British Medical Journal online by a team led by Lee Hooper, of the University of East Anglia.

Why do the findings differ from what was considered to be the perceived wisdom of eating oily fish?

A study by Dr Michal Burr, of the University of Cardiff, found that fish oil may have a short-term benefit, but a long-term disbenefit; because it contains traces of toxic methyl mercury as a contaminant.

The conclusion that we, the punters in the street, must draw from these results is that Nanny and her minions are prone to base their advice and edicts on heresay rather than on irrefutable scientific fact.

A very dangerous policy indeed.

As such the best course of action must be to ignore what Nanny tells you, and eat/drink/smoke in whatever way that makes you feel at ease with yourself.

Nanny Bans Mosquito

Nanny has rather a schizophrenic approach to life; for instance on the one hand she champions her ASBO scheme (designed to try to stop rampaging teenagers and other assorted nuisances ruining everyone else's lives), and on the other she is obsessed with human rights.

The problem with this schizophrenic approach is that it sends mixed messages, and in the end does more harm than good.

Nanny recently decided that a perfectly harmless device, designed to rid a supermarket of annoying teenagers who would loiter outside and cause trouble, was in fact an infringement of the teenagers' human rights.

What was this device?

The Mosquito, a sonic teen deterrent, which emits a high-pitched sound that can be heard only by those under the age of 20.

Seemingly, if you are under 20, the ear-piercing noise is so annoying that you can only can bear it for only a few minutes. Adults barely notice it.

The device has already been bought by dozens of shop-owners, shopping centres, local authorities and police forces, including the Metropolitan Police. It is non-confrontational, non-violent and is used to move teenagers on.

One of the first shops to install the Mosquito was a Spar supermarket, in Newport South Wales.

Since it was installed last October, the number of times police have had to be called to the shop to deal with gangs of rowdy youths has decreased by 84%.

In other words, the device works!

However, Nanny's chums in Newport Community Safety Partnership (which was set up by the local authority and the police) ordered the shop to switch off the Mosquito until human rights and health and safety issues have been "fully resolved".

Needless to say, Spar are not impressed; a spokesman described the decision as absolutely disgusting.

Saying:

"These louts can infringe our rights to run a profitable shop for the community yet we can't dare infringe on their right to make life a misery for our shoppers".

A safety partnership spokesman responded:

"We have a responsibility to the human rights and health and safety of the whole community to consider before approving the device or investing in more of them.

Our issue with the device is that it is indiscriminate.

It may well target yobs and move them on but other children use the shop as well.

If the noise upset a baby in a pram or caused a dog in a neighbouring house to bark incessantly then these are issues we would have to address.

If a child rode past on a bicycle and had an accident because of the noise the responsibility would be partly ours for authorising the Mosquito."

Compound Security, the company that makes the device, insists that it is safe and that it does not breach the human rights of young people.

The nub of the problem is this, Nanny is showing fear and weakness; teenagers/children will always take advantage of that.

The human rights argument is being used by Nanny as though the teenagers were being flogged or imprisoned in an Iraq jail. That is patently not the case.

I would also note that if teenagers choose to behave in a loutish and sub human way, then they have by defintion denounced their human rights.

Those of you who would like to see CRACC's solution to yobbery, should read the manifesto on www.cracc.co.uk; it will work, that I can assure you.