More Prats!

Lordy lordy, it certainly has been the week for prats coming out of the woodwork. My prestigious "Prat of The Week Award" is being handed out with the same frequency as honours are by the Labour Party.

This particular bunch of prats are the people who tried to prosecute Edmond Taylor last year for a driving offence, despite the fact that CCTV footage showed a totally different man committing the offence.

Now you might say that mistaken identity can occur, and that CCTV footage can be unclear.

However, I should at this stage point out that Mr Taylor is black, whilst the CCTV footage clearly showed a white man committing the offence.

Mr Taylor has had to fight for a year to clear his name. Only when the judge was finally shown the CCTV footage, at the beginning of November, was Mr Taylor cleared on appeal.

He had been convicted of dangerous driving, the only evidence being police reports from the Surrey police. He was banned from driving for a year and fined £430.

Mr Taylor said:

"I attended four hearings.

If they had looked at the video once

they would have realised I was not the person they wanted.

I did miss a couple of hearings

but the police officer didn't attend any.

How many times did they need to see me to know that I was black

and the man who broke the law was white?"

The sorry tale began in summer 2005, when a man was seen reversing a Vauxhall Corsa along the hard shoulder of the M23.

When PC Paul James of Surrey Police arrived to investigate, the man had left the car and was walking along the hard shoulder carrying a petrol can.

The officer escorted the driver back to the Corsa, where he gave his name as Edmond Taylor and produced a document to prove his identity and that he owned the car.

The officer issued a fixed penalty notice, and a notice for the driver to produce his insurance and other documents at a police station.

Unfortunately Mr Taylor's car and identity had been stolen.

The thief was allowed to drive away, and returned the car to where he had stolen it outside of Mr Taylor's home in South London.

Mr Taylor became aware of the problem only when a summons arrived.

At a preliminary hearing at Redhill Magistrates Court, Mr Taylor said he had never been to the spot where the offence happened and had not been stopped by police.

PC James was not in court, despite the fact that his evidence could have cleared Mr Taylor.

A trial date was fixed but PC James did not turn up then, either. It was the same story on Mr Taylor's third appearance, when magistrates decided to try the case on the paperwork.

On his fourth appearance Mr Taylor was convicted, fined and disqualified, though he was given notice to appeal.

Mr Taylor said:

"Every time I went to court I said I had never driven there.

But they consistently said it was me because of the police statement.

Each time I asked for the policeman to be there.

I even thought of contacting him myself,

but I didn't know which station he was from.

The CPS prosecutor kept saying,

'How many times are we going to give

Mr Taylor the chance to lie to the court?'

I was very angry when he said that

because there was no evidence.

To give the police officer his due,

he apologised to me after the appeal.

I asked him why he had never come to court.

He said the court had told him it wasn't necessary."

Judge John Crocker quashed the conviction, and ordered an immediate investigation into the blunder.

Quote:

"It is totally disgraceful.

Why has this only come to light today?

I want a full explanation as to how this occurred

and I want it within three weeks."

A CPS spokesman said:

"We are looking into exactly what happened

in this case

and will be supplying the judge with a report."

A Surrey Police spokesman said:

"We apologise unreservedly to Mr Taylor

for the upset and worry he has gone through.

The officer was not in court because the nature of the offence

did not require him to be."

Not only is this sorry tale utterly ludicrous, it is very frightening.

Prats may be way too soft a phrase to use in this particular case.

Message For The Tin Drummer

Tin Drummer

My private contact details are plastered all over the sites in the KenFrost.com "Living Brand" network, as such contacting me privately is easy.

That, I guess, is why I receive so many emails about my lamentably small penis!

To find my address on Nanny Knows Best, simply scroll down the menu bar on the right and find the menu that lists all the sites in www.kenfrost.com, there you will find the "Contact Me" link.

Though, as said, I am aware that the entire world thinks I have a very small penis; so if you are wanting to email me about that, please don't bother!

Ken

Kids!

Statistics collected by the Institute of Public Policy Research (IPPR), Bliary Poppins's favourite think tank, show that British teenagers are the worst behaved in Europe.

Result!

The statistics were published earlier this month, and show that 27% of British teens are regularly drunk, the highest in Europe. That compares with just 3% of French teenagers and 5% in Italy.

British teenagers are also the most aggressive, with 44% having been involved in a fight in the last year.

Britain also leads Europe with the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

Now here's the rub, which backs up what I have said before on this site.

Are British teenagers more evil than European teenagers?

No!

Are teenagers, as a whole, simply more evil than they were decades ago?

No!

Researchers claim teenagers in Britain are more out of control because they have less contact with adults, particularly parents, than in the rest of Europe.

You see folks, teenagers need their parents to guide them through the "dark tunnel" of teenagehood.

Letting them aimlessly wander around the streets at night, or stuffing their rooms full of gadgets so that parental interaction is kept to a minimum simply does not constitute effective parenting.

Children/teenagers, despite what Nanny's education system is trying to do to their intellectual development, are not stupid. They pick up pretty quickly that they are not wanted by their parents.

What says "I don't want you" and "I'm not interested in you" more effectively, than ignoring your child and letting him/her do whatever he/she wants?

Nick Pearce, director of the IPPR, said that British teenagers are "disconnected" from adults around them. Hence, they lack the "soft social skills" displayed by teenagers in Europe who spend more time in the company of adults.

The researchers say that children who spend less time with their parents are more likely to commit antisocial behaviour.

The report also shows that participation in structured youth activities is better for young people, than unstructured youth clubs. Have I not already said that the old style boxing gyms above pubs, were an effective means of channeling teenage aggression?

How does Nanny propose to improve this situation?

Simple, put kids into state care earlier and make both parents go out to work!

Another Prat

It seems that this is the week for prats revealing themselves unto the world.

Below is a verbatim extract and link from The Telegraph, a rare event indeed!

I look forward to the day when the Nordic nations offer to pay me compensation for the damage that their ancestors did to my ancestors (rape, pillage, slavery, economic damage etc) during the Viking invasions, and when the Italians pay me compensation for the slaves that the Roman Empire made of my ancestors.

That will happen, right?

Ah wait a minute, I think I left out the phrase "When hell freezes over".

I need say nothing more, as I think it says it all!

Esther Stanford, the secretary of Rendezvous of Victory, an African-led pressure group that is demanding compensation.

A lawyer and vice-chairman of a linked organisation, the Pan African Reparation Coalition, she said Mr Blair's statement of regret fell far short of the hopes of many descendents of slaves.

"They are empty words, empty gestures," she said. "If he wants to do something that will restore his credibility he needs to set up a national commission to examine the legacy of the holocaust of slavery on the lives of people today.

"Reparation means to repair the harm. We need to have a full assessment made of the injuries done to us. We are talking about educational repairs, economic repairs, family repairs, cultural repairs, repairs of every kind that we need to sustain ourselves. It will cost.

"This nation has benefited extremely in financial and other terms in relation to African enslavement and colonisation, so it is right to hold this Government responsible."

Prat of The Week

This week's prestigious "Prat of The Week Award" goes to none other than the Prime Minister himself, Bliary Poppins.

The astute amongst you will notice that the "Prat of The Week Award" is rarely made on a weekly basis, but it's my award and I do with it what I will!

However, I digress.

The reason that Bliary has been given this prestigious award, is for his slimy expression of "sorrow" for the slave trade. Far from feeling "sorrow", Bliary should be proudly reminding people that Britain was one of the first countries in the modern world to abolish slavery.

Britain abolished slavery in 1807. Indeed from the abolition of slavery until the early years of the 20th Century, the Royal Navy's West Africa Squadron sailed up and down the African coast, intercepting foreign ships carrying slaves.

Some of Britain's historical wealth has been built on the slave trade, that is for sure. However, most other countries have had their wealth built on the slave trade as well, at some stage or another, viz:

• The USA needed a civil war to end it, indeed the civil rights movement was still fighting for decent treatment of black people in the 1960's



• Nazi Germany used slave workers in its factories during the last war



• Blood diamonds from Africa are mined by children and other unfortunates at the point of a gun



• Japan in the last war used sex slaves from China



• Ancient Greece used slaves



• East European countries are exporting sex slaves, on a daily basis, to the West



• Ancient Rome used Greek slaves etc etc

Will these countries be expressing "deep sorrow" for their slave trade?

Will they fark!

You should no more regret the actions and policies of past centuries than you should regret the invention of gunpowder, the bow and arrow or the atomic bomb. What is done is done, move forward and look to the future.

As said, Bliary richly deserves the Prat of The Week Award.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Prescott is in charge of planning next year's anniversary events to mark the abolition of slavery!

Prat of The Week

This week's prestigious "Prat of The Week Award" goes to Cymuned, the Welsh rights pressure group.

Earlier this month they came out in favour of a bizarre piece of small mindeness and stupidity, being practiced by a parking attendant at the Royal Victoria Hotel in Llanberis.

Seemingly the parking attendant doesn't much care for English people, that's nice isn't it?

He decided to practice a little bit of racial discrimination, which Nanny heartily disapproves of, and charge English visitors twice as much as the Welsh to use the same car park.

Should you have been in the "enviable" position of being able to speak the well known internationally useful language of Welsh, he would have only charged you £2; those English people who didn't speak Welsh were charged £4.

The car park is used largely by tourists travelling on the Snowdon Mountain Railway. A motorist speaking Welsh asked the cost of parking.

The attendant said:

"Well, it's half price for Welsh people."

Nanny's chums in the Commission for Racial Equality are looking into the dual pricing policy at the car park.

Tourists and residents who do not speak the language, have already accused car park bosses of "blatant discrimination".

Businessman Philip Wesley said:

"I was completely stunned

because I saw the motorist in front being charged less.

When I raised it with the attendant

he told me the driver had a season ticket

and was therefore eligible for a half-price reduction.

He said all this with a knowing smirk."

Another motorist said:

"This is blatant discrimination

not just against the English

but also non-Welsh speakers

who have lived in North Wales all their lives."

However, Cymuned came out in favour of this daft idea.

Aran Jones, chief executive of the group, said:

"This attendant need congratulating, without a doubt.

The idea of charging local people lower prices

for local facilities is not uncommon in other parts of the world.

This is also a price not just for local people,

but people from outside the area who make the effort

to speak a bit of Welsh in a Welsh area.

I am sure tourist attractions,

which are keen to keep attendances high throughout the year,

would see a huge difference in their figures

if they were to charge less for local people,

who would go through the year.

I am 100% in favour of making measures like this

more widespread across the region."

Evidently Jones doesn't travel very much. I don't quite recall ever seeing the good people of Spain, France, Germany, Sweden, Latvia, Lithuania, Korea, Norway, Finland, Denmark etc etc ever operating a dual charging policy to their tourists.

Why not?

Errrrmmm...simple really, they would drive the tourists away if they did that, and damage their local economy.

Clearly Cymuned haven't quite grasped the basic concept of making people feel welcome, and of encouraging tourism to help the local economy.

Fair enough, if they don't want tourists to go there then tourists shouldn't go there!

It's that simple!

Then they will see first hand the effects on the local economy, when the receipts from the accursed English tourists dry up.

I think the Prat of The Week Award is well deserved in this particular case.

ASBO's R Us

It should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny's much vaunted Anti Social Behaviour Scheme (ASBO) has become something of a "must have badge of honour" amongst many of the teenagers of Britain.

Although Nanny is totally enamored of her "brilliant" idea, youth workers, some judges and magistrates have serious reservations about ASBOs. They believe that they are being overused, because they require a lower level of evidence than bringing a full prosecution in court.

ASBOs were introduced in 1999, by the end of September 2005 7,356 had been imposed. Breaching an order can lead to a jail term.

Seemingly 49% of ASBOs given to under 18s had been breached, with the majority flouting them on more than one occasion.

One magistrate is quoted as saying in a recent report on ASBOs:

"It's being used as a badge of honour."

Parents and carers of teenagers handed the orders said that they were viewed as a "diploma" and boosted the miscreant's "street cred".

Research conducted by the Policy Research Bureau and the National Association for the Care and Resettlement of Offenders quoted one mother with 3 sons:

"Some of the friends are left out now because they are not on an ASBO.

I think they all want one.

It's like a new street cred."

I would have thought that it was bleedin' obvious that this would happen!

The solution to teenage "issues", for want of a better word (I have no intention of following Nanny's reasoning that all teenagers are yobs), is as follows:

• Parents need to take a proactive, hands on role in the lives of their children. Letting children hang out on street corners all day and all night, or stuffing their rooms full of gadgets so as to avoid interacting with them is lazy parenting.
  
  Despite what Nanny's education system is trying to do to the brains of children, children are not stupid; they pick up very quickly that they are not wanted (be it because they are left to hang around on street corners, or because they packed off to numerous after school activities). Children need interaction with their parents and the guidance that only a parent can offer. Those parents who say that this is too hard should ask themselves why they had children in the first place.



• Local pubs and clubs should start to offer what was once common place, boxing lessons for youths. These were an effective means of channeling the aggression of a hormone bloated male, and an excellent means of instilling a sense of self discipline and pride.



• Where the above fails, and the teenagers "run amok", put the offenders in the stocks and humiliate them. Nothing curtails a teenager's ego, and dampens his "rumbustuousness", like a bit of humiliation.

Problem solved!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to Nanny Knows Best's American visitors.

Best wishes from the UK.

I still haven't been invited to the US Embassy in London for the Thanksgiving party!

Ken

Money Well Spent II

Regarding today's earlier article about Nanny wasting our money, you may find this piece that I wrote yesterday on my Olympics site to be somewhat relevant.

Read it via this link Taxpayers Screwed

Enjoy!

Ken

Beta Test

Folks, just to let you know that I have recently set up yet another site www.loanbuster.net which covers financial issues.

It is still in beta test mode, and not yet "officially" launched.

I wonder, if you have a spare moment, whether you could pop over and let me know if it looks OK?

Any suggestions to improve it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

Ken

Money Well Spent

Nanny loves to spend money, or rather she loves to spend our money.

In Nanny's world what's ours is hers, and what's hers is hers!

Congratulations are due to Birmingham City Council for finding new ways of wasting the taxpayers' money. It was reported earlier this money that Ian Smith, one of its workers, is being paid an annual wage of £91,000 despite having been off sick for a year.

Mr Smith is employed by the council's Street Lighting Direct Labour Organisation as a "signals operative", and receives a basic salary of £71,000 and bonuses totalling £21,000 from Birmingham City Council.

Quite a decent wage for a "signal operative", whatever that is?

What's even more impressive is that he has been off sick for a year.

Ah, but you see he is also the department's full-time representative for the Amicus union. The leaders of "the Brothers" must be looked after mustn't they?

Seemingly Mr Smith also received an annual "standby bonus" - paid to lighting engineers to be on call to repair lights at anti-social hours - of £16,000, even though he no longer repairs lights.

A spokesman for Birmingham City Council said that parts of their pay structure were based on outdated employment practice, and were "clearly not fit for purpose".

No shit?

In other words they know that they are wasting your money, but can't be arsed to do anything about it.

In addition to spending vast sums on one man's lighting skills, Birmingham City Council also pay roadworkers up to £53,000 a year for painting lines and cleaning bollards.

Great!

Where do I sign on?

I fancy a spot of therapeutic painting.

Councillor Alan Rudge, the cabinet member for equalities and human resources (another daft council title), said:

"The Council is dealing with the issue through the recognised trade unions.

It is currently in discussions with these groups

and with other organisations who are representing employees.

The Council is carrying out a pay review

in accordance with a national agreement

between councils and trade unions.

The City Council has an implementation date for this

review of 1st April 2007.

The review will deal with, among other things,

the equality and fairness of pay across the workforce.

We cannot continue with pay and grading structures

that are in some areas outdated, unfair and inflexible,

no matter how difficult the change may be."

Call me a cynic...you're a cynic Ken!

However, doesn't that sound to you like they are only dealing with this now because they have been caught out by the media?

I guess the Brothers in the unions could threaten to go on strike, but would anyone really notice if they did?

As I keep repeating, what is the farking point of our local councils?

All they do is waste money, and impose useless and unwanted petty rules on the rest of us.

Abolish them!

Vent your spleen on Birmingham City Council via this link: Twats

In other news, it seems that John Prescott is costing £18M to run, even though he now has no role in government or society.

Nanny, spending our money on her behalf!

Nanny Bans PC

Nanny has managed to get her knickers into a bit of a twist the other week.

Oh dear!

It seems that all the rules and edicts that she has been issuing are becoming a little bit contradictory, and causing Nanny to hang herself on her own petard.

How sad!

Kirklees metropolitan borough council found this out to their cost earlier this month, when they tried to issue training document for their employees in which the term "political correctness" was banned.

Unfortunately the document has had to be withdrawn, as it is too politically correct!

So, the document bans you from saying the phrase "politically correct". However, the document itself has been banned because it is too politically correct.

Errm...got that?

The 44 page policy book, entitled "Equality Essentials", was drawn up as a guide for the council's 18,000 staff in West Yorkshire.

As befitting Nanny's Orwellian view of the world, certain words were banned as a matter of course; chairman, fireman and policeman because they exclude women, and "ethnic" because it was not felt to be "appropriately descriptive".

You know the routine, the same old shit that is used by councils, quangos and other crappy useless pseudo state "organs" to try to control people!

Remember folks, as Orwell warned (and as I keep reminding you), when the state controls the language, and your ability to express yourself, it also controls your ability to think for yourself.

The hapless employees of the council, or should I say employees of the taxpayer, were also instructed to come up with at least 10 things they could do on a daily basis to make colleagues feel better.

By the way the document was produced by officials for the former Lib-Dem/Green coalition, that previously controlled the council, so it is hardly surprising that it is a waste of space.

Guess what folks?

They used a 1950s study into the social psychology of Nazi Germany, known as Allport's Scale!

Why am I not surprised that the Nazis would somehow or other feature in this story?

Seemingly the good old boys on the council wanted to find out about levels of harassment and bullying in the workplace.

Anyhoo, the document stated:

"Use of the phrase 'political correctness' is at best factual avoidance

and at worst a direct physical attack."

Robert Light, who became council leader after the Conservatives took control in the summer, thought that the whole thing was a load of bollocks and decided to revise the policy.

He said that 99% of the document was common sense, but certain items were "part of a politically correct culture" previously adopted by the authority.

Quote:

"We want to be known as a progressive council not a PC council."

Therefore the document has been banned, on the grounds that it was too politically correct, which in itself is of course a contradiction.

Maybe Nanny has brought us into some weird form of parallel universe where paradoxes can exist simultaneously.

Oooh!

Cue the Twilight Zone Theme!

Pity that the taxpayers of Kirklees had to pay for this pile of shite in the first place.

Will the previous council leaders apologise for wasting the taxpayers' money?

Will they fark!

Nanny is Mother, Nanny is Father

The joy of being Nanny is that Nanny knows best, and she is absolutely certain that we would be incapable of running our own lives without her.

As such it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny is keen to get her clawing hands on people's children, as early as possible in life.

Give Nanny a child, at a tender young age, and that child is hers for life!

Therefore Nanny is mounting a campaign to encourage more mothers to hand over their children to state-run nurseries, and go out to work, under Nanny's latest drive to combat child poverty.

Sounds all rather reminiscent of some form of Nazi ideology doesn't it?

Nanny's chum John Hutton, the Work and Pensions Secretary, said at the end of October that Labour's plans to extend childcare places will provide women with a "world of employment opportunities".


The reality is that they don't give a stuff about women working or not, what they actually want is to get their hands on your children missus!

Nanny is using the findings of a report commissioned by the Government, which found that traditional two parent families are getting a raw deal from the state compared to single mothers.

Seemingly lone parents receive help to find work and support for childcare. However, couples with children are virtually invisible to public services because it is assumed their life is easier.

In many cases, one adult goes out to work while the other - usually the woman - stays at home to look after the children.

Now you see, in the "old days" there would be nothing wrong in one person staying at home to look after the child. Now of course that is deemed to be morally wrong.

I might ask one question, if both parents are out working and choose to leave their child with Nanny all day, why do they bother having children?

Anyone care to answer that?

I guess of course, that makes me a terrible old reactionary who does not understand the joys of leaving children to be brought up by someone else.

Hutton said there should be "more help, for example, getting the second adult in a household into work."

Adding:

"By 2009/10 we will have universal childcare available

for every three to four year-old

Now, that is going to open up a world of employment opportunities,

mainly again for women but for parents generally.

I think we've got to develop an approach

which first of all makes the opportunity to work our priority.

That is the best way out of poverty."

What of the children who never see their parents, and who end up being brought up by the state?

What kind of adults will these hapless children be turned into?

The best people in the world to bring up children are the parents, not those working for the state.

Sorry folks, I know this view is highly unfashionable these days!

They Don't Like It Up Them!

It seems that Nanny has adopted a Corporal Jones style response to the criticism being heaped upon her by the good denizens of the web, namely Nanny and her chums "Don't like it up them!"

Nanny betrayed her frustration with the internet by allowing one of her acolytes, Matthew Taylor (outgoing chief strategy adviser), to speak out at an e-democracy conference in London last week.

Nanny is of the firm belief that the internet is fuelling a "crisis" in the relationship between politicians and voters, and that it is all too often used to encourage a "shrill discourse of demands".

Nanny/Taylor is of the view that the net is being used by people merely to abuse politicians, and to make "incommensurate" demands on them. This makes it increasingly difficult for governments to govern.

Taylor said:

"We have a citizenry which can be caricatured as being

increasingly unwilling to be governed but not yet capable of self-government."

It seems that we regard all politicians as corrupt or "mendacious"!

Remember folks these are the same guys who sold peerages, who invaded Iraq on a false pretext, who have failed to install a decent IT system into the NHS, who have screwed up the budget on the 21012 Olympics etc etc.

Maybe the internet community does actually have something to complain about?

The trouble with Nanny is that she doesn't like to be criticised. Indeed politicians have, for centuries, had a dislike of being exposed for the corrupt venal individuals that many of them really are.

When printing presses were first used by pamphleteers centuries ago, the government tried to close them down.

The net is no different to the pamphlets of centuries ago. Yes, there is a large amount of crap on the net; however, that crap is more than outweighed by the quality and breadth of information/data now readily available to all.

As I state in my "Core Beliefs":

• The internet is one of mankind's greatest inventions, it offers a portal into an unrestricted, uncensored world that transcends national boundaries; where everyone can express and exchange ideas, experiences, hopes, fears and desires.



• Mankind only betters itself, and evolves, when ideas and conventions that represent the status quo are openly challenged. Even if the challenges are proven to be false and misleading, the very act of making one take a fresh look at oneself stimulates and freshens the mind.

As Taylor said:

"What is the big breakthrough,

in terms of politics,

on the web in the last few years?

It's basically blogs which are, generally speaking,

hostile and, generally speaking,

basically see their job as every day exposing how venal,

stupid, mendacious politicians are".

The solution, Mr Taylor, is for Nanny to start improving her act; then maybe she would find herself facing less criticism.

Politicians long for secrecy, and the ability to hide their mistakes and corruption from prying eyes; they are, in effect, creatures of the night.

The only way for a society to advance and improve itself is for every rock to be kicked over, and every dark dingy place to have a bright light focused on it so that the unpleasant nasty little creatures that inhabit that twilight world are exposed for all to see.

That is the way to improve society, not Nanny's preferred "easy" option of letting these little creatures hide themselves away in the dark.

Personal News

Folks, if you are interested, I have just been awarded an honorary fellowship of the Institute of Professional Financial Managers (IPFM), for my services to the accountancy profession.

To read more visit www.icaew.info.

Now, the next step is to persuade Nanny to give me an award (a knighthood would do).

To help me in this quest please scroll down the menu on the right, and find the "Honours" link. When enough people write to their MP's and various other "organs" of the State, Nanny can't refuse giving someone an award...it's that simple:)

Ken

I Fucked Up!

In case you hadn't heard, Blair has admitted that he fucked up with regard to Iraq.

No Kidding!

Sheepish

Nanny knows no bounds when it comes to ensuring that the health and safety of her subjects are protected, even when they are sheep.

As such it should come as no surprise to learn that when a sheep became trapped, and needed rescue, Nanny dispatched 40 of her finest firefighters to help the animal.

Emergency services received a 999 call when the animal got trapped on a ledge above a flooded quarry in Bacup, Lancashire.

Seven fire crews duly turned up and took part in a 2 hour operation, involving a team using wetsuits and an inflatable boat.

A fire service spokesman said:

"Incidents near water have health and safety issues.

The numbers sent weren't there to ensure the sheep was rescued

but that no firefighters were injured."

Don't you think that Nanny should be feeling a little sheepish by now?

Hah! Hah!

Nanny's Green Fingers

I understand that Nanny's chums in Wychavon Council are a very green bunch of people indeed.

Quite rightly so!

They are striving to save the environment.

As such they make special provision for green garden waste, by charging £16 for 10 green sacks for hedge clippings etc.

Guess what they then do with this waste?

Put them in a landfill, along with all the other crap!

Good policy guys!

Nanny Bans Postman Pat

"Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat and his black and white cat..."

All together now.. "Postman Pat..."

Sing you bastards!

Sing!

That is the jolly tune that I sing along to everytime I watch Postman Pat on the TV...sad individual aren't I?

Unfortunately, the good people of Market Harborough may find themselves locked up for such harmless pursuits.

Why?

Nanny has banned Postman Pat.

What? I hear you ejaculate (yes I can say ejaculate!).

Yes...Nanny has decided that Postman Pat, or rather a reasonable facsimile of him, is just too dangerous for the good people of Market Harborough to enjoy. Therefore, she has banned him.

A Postman Pat musical ride for kids is to be removed from outside a store in the St Mary's Place shopping precinct, because it's too dangerous.

The owners of St Mary's Place, who are evidently chums of Nanny, are worried that shoppers will walk into it.

Now call me pedantic..

You're pedantic Ken!

However, there are thousands of these rides (airplanes, cars, Postman Pat etc) outside thousands of shops throughout the country.

Precisely how many thousands of people walk into them, and injure themselves, on a daily basis?

Errrrmmm...none I would guess!

I would also add a small fact to the oinkment, as it were, (I know Nanny hates facts) namely that the 30p ride has been in the precinct for six years and no one has mutilated themselves by walking into it during that time.

Local businesswoman Sheryl Granger is mounting a stern resistance to Nanny, and is refusing to remove Postman Pat.

Quote:

"You would have to be blind to walk into it

it poses no more danger than a bollard.

Thousands of children have ridden it

and even more people have walked by it

without a single complaint or injury."

A spokesman for St Mary's Place said it was targeting "material outside shop boundaries with health and safety implications."

Bollocks!

The people who cite health and safety issues have no more knowledge of the law/facts than Postman Pat's pussy (can I say pussy?), Jess. They live in fear of being held responsible for everything they do, and seek to avoid that responsibility by hiding behind a non existent "health and safety issue".

People like that should not be given positions of responsibility.

Regrettably many such people do in fact hold positions, where they have power over others, most notably in local councils.

Postman Pat theme tune

Lunartic House

Those of you unfamiliar with the joys of Croydon; its fine architecture, beautiful central thoroughfares (such as Dingwall Road) and popular/thriving shopping centres (such as Centrale, which has an occupancy rate of less then 50%) should take a look at my special site dedicated to Croydon www.croydoniscrap.com.

Oddly enough, whenever I write to the council about the decaying infrastructure of Croydon they never answer; even the local "dead cat in tree" rags have stopped mentioning the site.

I wonder why?

Anyhoo, in addition to the joys that I describe in full technicolour detail on that site, Croydon hosts the Home Office's main immigration centre at Lunar House ("affectionately" known as Lunartic House by us locals).

As we all know Nanny takes pride in her work to integrate various religions, races and creeds under one unifying concept of Britishness. Therefore it was with great pride, as a Croydon resident, that I read about Nanny employing a leading member of an extremist Islamic group in Lunartic House.

Abid Javaid is a "senior executive officer" in the IT department at the Immigration and Nationality Directorate (in Lunartic House), this processes asylum and visa applications.

In addition to his role in helping people become British, Javaid is also an activist in the fundamentalist Islamic group Hizb-ut Tahrir. This "organ" does not believe in democracy, but instead wants a worldwide Islamic state under Shariah law.

Is it British to be anti democratic?

Blairy Poppins asked for the group, which calls for Jews to be murdered, to be banned last year.

Patrick Mercer, Tory party Homeland Security spokesman, has noted that the position that Javid holds is a tad sensitive.

Quote:

"I am amazed that this man has managed to infiltrate

such a sensitive government department.

I find it deeply worrying.

This is an insidious and dangerous organisation

that is clearly trying to worm its way into as many

government organisations as possible.

In August 2005, the Prime Minister said that these people should be banned.

Now, less than 18 months later, they are,

to all intents and purposes, legal.

This is a clandestine organisation

which seeks to infiltrate wherever it can.

This is further proof, if any were needed,

that both the IND and the Home Office are unfit for purpose."

Lunartic House has in the past offered a premium service to migrants if they agreed to perform sexual favours.

That's the spirit guys!

Hundreds of thousands of claims for visas and asylum are stacked in cardboard boxes, and the IND has been accused of losing track of applicants.

In other words it is a shite organisation, and symbolic of the failure of Nanny and her minions to run anything remotely resembling a piss up in a brewery.

A Home Office spokesman helpfully said:

"Home Office civil servants are expected to abide

by Home Office rules governing their conduct.

They are also subject to the Civil Service code."

Now you know why it is called Lunartic House!

By the way, if there is anyone from the media reading this who wants to help me kick Croydon council up the backside; I would be very grateful if you could do a piece on my Croydon website.

Nanny's Christmas Lights

Christmas comes but once a year, but in Nanny's world that is once too many times.

You see folks, despite the fact that Christmas has been around for the last 2000 years or so, Nanny believes that it is simply too dangerous to be allowed to happen anymore; therefore she is cancelling it.

That at least is what Nanny's chums in Scarborough council have done, they have decided that the ceremonial switching-on of the Christmas lights is just too dangerous so they are cancelling it.

Why is it too dangerous?

Simple, it has been so popular in previous years that up to 10,000 people turn up.

As we all know, Nanny hates public displays of spontaneity and public gatherings. The health and safety Gestapo have decreed that any gathering of over 2,000 people, to watch the lights being turned, on is simply too risky.

Therefore instead of turning families away, or making it a ticket only event (which would seem to be a sensible idea), council officials have cancelled the event altogether.

Penny Marsden, an independent councillor and shopkeeper, said:

"This is a joyous occasion

when children come out to enjoy the start of Christmas

and we are going to rob them of it."

Council chief executive, Jim Dillon, bah humbugged the event:

"A vast amount of hard work by all parties has been carried out

in looking at ways of staging the event safely,

but we all feel the risks are far too great."

Bollocks!

Feel free to write to the council here, and tell them what you think customer.first@scarborough.gov.uk

PS We won't be having any Christmas lights in Croydon either, as far as I know.

Why?

Our previous Labour council managed to bankrupt the largest (and once most prosperous) London Borough, so we can't afford any lights.

Pathetic isn't it?

Commas R'n't Us

In the form of a living testament to the failure of Nanny's "Educashun, Educashun, Educashun" policy, it has been revealed that punctuation standards at schools are so poor that pupils taking GCSE English are completing entire exams without using a single comma.

The astute amongst you will have noticed that I have used a few commas in the above...but not necessarily in the right places!

Basic grammatical errors, that used to be "ironed out" of pupils in previous generations, are now common; eg pupils do not understand the basics, such as the difference between "there" and "they're".

Other exam howlers include "been" instead of "being", and using the text message "u" instead of "you".

Impressive isn't it?

No, it's not (ooh, an apostrophe...how very sophisticated of moi).

The Assessment and Qualifications Alliance are none too impressed either, and note that teenagers are able to write entire sentences without the use of single comma.

Rather strangely though, the proportion of A* to C grades rose by 1.2% to 62.4% and A/A* grades increased by 0.7% to 19.1%. This meant that pupils were scoring A or A* in one in five GCSEs, compared to one in ten in 1988.

Clearly educashun standards have improved...haven't they folks?

The Assessment and Qualifications Alliance disagree, and have issued a report that criticises standards in papers, saying that some examiners noted a "decline in technical accuracy".

Standards of grammar and punctuation were worse among pupils who would not go on to achieve high grades.

The report says:

"While the correct use of the apostrophe continues to grow,

the use of the comma (except to differentiate items in lists)

declines.

A high percentage of scripts did not involve a single comma.

The semi-colon is making an attempt at re-appearance,

sometimes used correctly."

Apostrophes are popular, and are seemingly "sprinkled across the page at random". Some pupils even consider capital letters after full stops to be unnecessary.

Educashun?

Pah!

We don't need it cos we have university places, jobs and benefits for life right?

Right?

Nanny Bans Bells

Tis soon the season to be miserable, and rest assured that Nanny is well up to speed in ensuring that as many people as possible are inconvenienced this Christmas by her anti Christmas nonsense.

Callington Town Band in Cornwall, a registered charity, have found out to their cost that they can't play Jingle Bells in their Christmas shows unless they pay for a licence.

The reason?

The song has no religious content.

The band will have to pay £21 each for seven temporary licences to cover their Christmas programme because Nanny, in the form of the local licensing authority, says so.

Nanny's chums in Caradon District Council's licensing department told the band it would fall foul of the Licensing Act 2003, if it played anything other than religious based carols during its seven Christmas concerts.

The council says that a temporary entertainment notice was needed every time entertainment was provided in venues without public licences.

Now common sense surely dictates that a sensible way around this could be found, eg the fee is waived or the seven concerts are counted as one.

After all, the Licensing Act was meant to cover nightclubs and commercial operations rather than charitable Christmas concerts.

However, in Nanny's Britain common sense has been banned. Local councils are experts in not applying common sense, indeed one wonders if their role in life is to in fact deliberately antagonise and suppress the people that they claim they serve?

One other point of course, that stares us in the face like a syphilitic sore, is that of course the good old boys on Caradon District Council will make some money out of charging seven times for the same event.

Funny that isn't?

Cliff McKane, the band chairman, said:

"We were aghast when we received the letter

telling us that we had to have a license

unless we played on private property.

It was amazing."

The band a raises hundreds of pounds for charity each year, this year they are fundraising for the Cornwall Blind Association.

The local MP, Colin Breed, said that the ruling was an unintentional consequence of the licensing operations:

"It's just total nonsense.

We have to get to the question of whether the band are to play Jingle Bells.

Hopefully common sense will prevail.

I'm trying to get a more localised version of the law

hopefully we will resolve it before anyone plays Jingle Bells."

Nice to hear, but he shouldn't have to waste his time (and taxpayer's money) on this bollocks in the first place.

Mr McKane noted that he was confused with the new licensing laws which he says have meant the band need a license if they perform in a church yard, but not a few yards away inside the church building.

"Fines can be as much as £6,000 I've been told.

A lot of district councils are turning a blind eye."

Caradon District Council's licensing officer, Michelle Brooking, stonewalled by hiding behind the law:

"The ruling was brought in by the Licensing Act in 2003."

Can anyone tell what use local councils are?

They seem to be no use to man nor beast.

Their only rationale seems to be to enforce bureaucratic rules on the local electorate as a means of raising money, which is then spent on their salaries and expenses.

Time to abolish local councils methinks!

What say you?

Send an early Christmas message to Caradon District Council via these links:

Twats!

Chief Executive

Leader of The Council

The Firework Code

As you all know, we have recently celebrated Guy Fawkes night here in Nanny's Britain. Despite Nanny's attempts to stamp this out, it still seems to be going strong (even if some have to resort to "virtual bonfires", because of health and safety concerns).

However, as much as I am anti Nanny, I must raise an official complaint about a shortcoming in the "Firework Code". This is a simple list of do's and don'ts that try to help people avoid injury when using fireworks eg:

"Don't throw fireworks"

Regrettably Nanny has failed, this year, to make the list suitably "idiot proof". It seems that a 22 year old man had to be carted off to hospital for severe burns.

Why?

He was at a fireworks party in Sunderland, dropped his trousers and attempted to launch a rocket from his own backside!

Seemingly the rocket (a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket) got stuck, as it were, and then exploded "in situ"...er..so to speak.

The man is suffering from, unsurprisingly, burnt arse syndrome.

He will make a full recovery.

So there you go folks, Nanny let herself down this year by not including the following in the Firework Code:

"Do not attempt to launch rockets from your own arse"

That being said, no matter how many rules and regulations you have you will never be able to fully protect the moronic and stupid from themselves.

Slaves

Nanny has something of a problem with history, specifically British history. She believes that it needs to be sanitised and controlled, in much the same way that she tries to control the media today.

As such she always looks out for opportunities to try to "rubbish" the past, with the intent of trying to make her "brave new world" look more acceptable.

Her chums in English Heritage have been recently doing their bit to expunge history, they are working on a project to highlight the links between landmark buildings and slavery.

Researchers will scour the history of stately homes and other sites looking for connections to the slave trade, which was banned in Britain 200 years ago next year.

FYI, Britain was the first country in the world to ban the slave trade. Oddly enough, it still continues in some parts of Africa and has experienced something of a modern renaissance in the spawning of the sex slave industry in Eastern Europe and the Far East.

However, we must never allow facts to get in the way of one of Nanny's "bright ideas".

One of the English Heritage's commissioners, Maria Adebowale, claimed that the project would help people recognise how much of Britain's historical wealth was built on "human misery".

Maybe so, but then again most other countries have had their wealth built on the slave trade as well, at some stage or another, viz:

• The USA needed a civil war to end it, indeed the civil rights movement was still fighting for decent treatment of black people in the 1960's



• Nazi Germany used slave workers in its factories during the last war



• Blood diamonds from Africa are mined by children and other unfortunates at the point of a gun



• Japan in the last war used sex slaves from China



• Ancient Greece used slaves



• Ancient Rome used Greek slaves etc etc

Will Nanny be providing a full and complete history of the world of slavery, so that the British part in it can be viewed in context?

Will she fuck!

In fact, some of Nanny's ministers are considering whether to issue an apology to coincide with next year's abolition bicentenary.

Opponents of such moves claim historical apologies or compensation make no sense, and point to Britain's leading role in stamping out the slave trade as well as the part played by African tribes which profited from selling slaves to foreign traders.

Many of English Heritage's sites are stoneage monuments, medieval castles or abbeys; which raises the other question as to what the fark is the point of this futile exercise?

Next up, I guess the Italians will be apologising to Greeks for their slave trade?

Plod's Lunacy

Nanny always claims that she wants to encourage harmony and respect between people...then she comes along and does something stoooopid like this!

Nanny's chums in Greater Manchester Police (GMP) recently asked detectives not to make planned arrests of Muslims during Ramadan, for reasons of religious sensitivity.

I am more than pleased to say that aside from myself thinking that this idea is utter...wait for it...BOLLOCKS, an Islamic youth organisation has also condemned it as "lunacy".

Mohammed Shafiq, from the Ramadhan Foundation, said:

"It's stupid, lunacy,

that police could even consider not arresting Muslims during Ramadan."

GMP sent the advice by email to officers working in Moss Side, Hulme, Whalley Range, Rusholme, Fallowfield, Ardwick, Longsight, Gorton and Levenshulme.

The e-mail stressed the order did not apply to on-the-spot arrests, only the execution of arrest warrants.

Mr Shafiq said:

"Greater Manchester Police have a history of policing the Muslim community

with great sensitivity and understanding.

That this idea was even thought of is shocking.

I don't know where they get these ideas from

and I'm glad an officer was clearly angry enough to leak the memo.

Police shouldn't hesitate to arrest any Muslims

they had planned to during Ramadan.

We must all be equal under the law.

If people think Muslims are immune from the law,

it will only stir up tensions within the community."

Extremely well put, it nails the issues firmly on the head.

Nanny must learn that people really hate being patronised.

Ying and Yang

Nanny is to be congratulated in her efforts to achieve harmony between teenagers and adults, seemingly they are both afraid of each other.

A recent survey by IPPR, entitled "Freedom's Orphans: Raising Youth in a Changing World", of adults living in Europe found that Britain is becoming a nation in fear of its teenagers. A growing number of people now refuse to go out after dark, because they feel intimidated by young people hanging around on the streets.

The survey found that people in Britain are more afraid of teenagers than in any other country. This fear is known as "paedophobia".

The report found widespread fear of verbal abuse, physical attack and reprisals. It also found that lack of adult supervision was leading to a growth in youth crime and violence.

Nanny responds to this fear by imposing Asbos to control hooliganism, vandalism and disruptive behaviour among young people. The Asbos have been deployed against children as young as 10 and have included prohibitions on loitering on street corners, and curfews.

Some new housing developments have gates to keep youths out. The Government has also ordered parents who fail to keep their children under control to attend parenting classes, which includes instructions on how to get their children to go to bed.

However, as noted at the beginning of this article, we should not despair. Nanny has brought about balance, and achieved a form of "Ying and Yang", by ensuring that all adults are regarded by the young as being paedophiles and as such should be feared.

Harmony has been restored!

A Record for Life

There's nothing like getting on the wrong side of Nanny for giving you a black mark for life in her "naughty book".

That is at least what Michael Reeves, of Swansea, discovered to his cost the other week, when he was given a criminal record for life.

His crime?

He put a scrap of paper in a bin bag meant for bottles and cans!

Mr Reeves holds the dubious distinction of being Britain's first recycling martyr, after Nanny's criminal justice system fined him £200 for disobeying rules about sorting his rubbish.

As if to add insult to injury, Mr Reeves had actually volunteered to take part in the recycling scheme launched by Nanny's chums on Swansea Council.

Clearly Mr Reeves does not know the old army motto:

"Never volunteer for anything!"

Seemingly one scrap of junk mail found its way into a bag designated for other rubbish. Nanny's council workers, being the ever efficient spies that Nanny has employed them to be, found his name and address on it and prosecuted him.

Mr Reeves said:

"I now have a criminal record

and it will weigh me down like a millstone.

I will have to explain myself every time I apply for a new job.

And if I want to go to the United States

I will have to apply for a special entry visa."

Aside from the absurd over reaction by Nanny, in giving Mr Reeves a criminal record, it seems that the case took an unprecedented amount of time and resources to bring Mr Reeves to book.

No less than five, yes five, court hearings!

Mr Reeves spoke bitterly of his "interaction" with Nanny:

"Not satisfied with a false accusation of mixing up my rubbish,

they tried to throw in an additional charge

of leaving the bags out on the wrong day.

Looked at in one way it is a hilarious tale of barmy bureaucracy

but I found it no laughing matter."

Nanny is a vindictive old crone.

The Taxpayers' Alliance accused Nanny's local authorities of using the environment as an excuse to collect extra revenue.

Director James Frayne said:

"This is a joke.

The Green movement in Britain is in danger of being hijacked by tax-hungry politicians.

People will soon start to associate going green with going broke."

Mr Reeves actually denied ever putting the letter in the bag. There were no witnesses nor camera footage of him doing so, but magistrates still found him guilty.

Clearly a case of guilty until proven innocent!

Quote:

"I am not a violent man or a drunkard.

I have not held up a bank.

I have not committed fraud.

But when I allowed a single piece of junk mail to appear in the wrong sort of recycling bag

I found myself committing a crime.

It was not me who put the letter in the recycling bag.

It was not even my bag.

Yet the presence of my address amid the cans and bottles

was enough for the court to find me guilty.

I have always been happy to do my bit for the environment

but I couldn't care less now."

Mr Reeves said that his first mistake was to put his rubbish out a day early, but only because he was going on holiday the next day. He was given a warning by Nanny that he could face legal action.

I guess that the crime rate in Swansea, eg muggings, assaults, drunkenness etc is at an all time low. That is surely the only reason as to why Nanny would waste so much time and resources on pursuing one man, for such an absurd alleged crime, in this vindictive fashion?

Nanny's Virtual Bonfire

Remember,
Remember,
The fifth of November,
Gunpowder, Treason and Plot

Make the most of Guy Fawkes folks, it seems that Nanny is intent on banning it. That is at least what the members of Ilfracombe Rugby Club have discovered, as they attempt to hold a Guy Fawkes party.

They will be holding the UK's first "virtual" bonfire on Guy Fawkes night, due to health and safety concerns.

Ilfracombe Rugby Club will project a previously-filmed bonfire on to a giant screen that will hang between goal posts on the pitch.

Club president Paul Crabb said:

"We've received a positive feedback,

people realise it's a little bit tongue in cheek

and a laugh that they could be seeing Britain's first virtual bonfire.

It's become a hot topic down here,

but everyone thinks it's a really quirky idea

and they're all looking forward to it."

Perversely there will still be a firework display.

Mr Crabb added:

"Of course it would be cheaper to build a bonfire,

but at least it'll be safer.

When you are planning a bonfire you have to do risk assessments,

we would have needed four or five more marshals than we have

so it was all going to involve a huge amount of effort."

Another fine tradition up in smoke...so to speak!

Nanny Bans Guy Fawkes

As we approach Guy Fawkes night, Nanny does her best to spoil the event by trying to stop people letting off fireworks and holding bonfires.

However, Tower Hamlets council have gone one better, by banning Guy Fawkes night in favour of holding a £75,000 fireworks party celebrating an obscure Indian folk tale.

The knobheads in the council will hold an event called "The Emperor and The Tiger" on November 5.

Tower Hamlets Council held a Guy Fawkes-themed fireworks party last year.

Around 23,000 people turned up at Victoria Park to watch a huge model of the Houses of Parliament burn, marking the 400th anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot.

However, rather than repeating a proven success the knobheads in the council say:

"We did Guy Fawkes last year."

The borough will instead celebrate a folk tale from the Bengali community which tells the story of the 'Moghul Emperor, the Wise Man and the Guardian of the Jungle'.

A 12ft long mechanical Bengal Tiger, operated by four people will pace a giant catwalk as fire lights up a 'forest' to the sound of Bangla drummers and dancers.

The PR blurb says:

"The greedy Emperor wants his taxes, and the people must pay."

How very appropriate!

John Midgley, spokesman for the Campaign Against Political Correctness, said the council's decision would "explode in their faces".

"This is blatantly ridiculous.

It's almost too insane for words.

There's a time and a place for everything and November 5 is for Bonfire Night.

It's time for common sense and for people

to tell bureaucrats that politically correct actions

like these undermine our historic occasions

and harm community relations.

This is a massive own goal."

Evidently knobheads and twats are in charge in Tower Hamlets.

Useless Prats

Congratulations to the good people of the Cheshire police, who demonstrated a degree of incompetence that is truly breathtaking and well deserving of my Prats of The Week Award.

The police were tipped off about a robbery due to take place at a jeweller's shop. Uniformed officers were dispatched to the scene of the intended crime, with orders to park their patrol car opposite the shop, lock it and leave.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Lock the car up, and leave.

Seemingly the commanders of Cheshire police hoped that the "high visibility" strategy would scare away raiders.

Er, guess what?

They were wrong.

Three armed men pulled up in Alderly Edge, Cheshire, saw the empty patrol car and carried out the raid. They escaped with watches and jewellery worth an estimated £500,000.

Henry Johnstone, the owner, condemned the police response as "woefully inadequate" and "ludicrous".

Quote:

"I'm astonished that police did not do more to protect my business,

customers and staff.

They should have been on hand."

Assistant Chief Constable David Baines, of Cheshire Police, said "a review" of its action was being carried out.

Quote:

"I regret that an offence did occur."

Well done lads!

I would like to send you my "Prats of The Week Award", but am worried that it might be stolen from you.

The Dangers of Singing

Nanny has something of a problem with people doing things "off their own bat", she doesn't approve of it at all.

Only those activities that are fully regulated and, by definition, fully controlled by Nanny are allowed.

Such is the fate of the Terrington Choir of Terrington All Saints Church, who were planning a grand fundraising event next year to mark the tenth anniversary of local music, drama and crafts.

Seemingly Nanny will not allow the choir to sing in the local church, until a risk assessment is commissioned.

The festival's steering committee has been told it must carry out detailed assessments of every potential risk in every location across the village, where the scores of events will be held, before it can go ahead.

Ian Hughes, the village postmaster and one of the organisers, blamed today's litigation culture for making it impossible to hold free local events.

Quote:

"The world's getting crazy.

We have concerts in the church without any trouble

but we were told for the first time this year

that absolutely every last thing has to have a risk assessment done

to try and limit our liability.

I appreciate the importance of self-policing

and trying to concentrate our minds on potential problems

but this is madness.

I guess that's how life is these days.

It's because of the culture we live in these days

where the slightest thing can get you sued."

Scarborough and Whitby MP, Robert Goodwill, said:

"Unfortunately, we live in a culture of blame

where even the most innocent and routine of activities

has to be insured and risk- assessed.

People have been going to Terrington All Saints Church

for hundreds of years without any catastrophes that I'm aware of.

What's next?

Bell ringers having to wear helmets in case a bell falls?

Although Terrington Feast will be going ahead,

there are other events that have had to be cancelled

because of the prohibitive cost of insurance.

Too many groups are having to jump

through the most ridiculous of hoops

to hold the simplest of charitable events."

The culture of blame is nurtured and encouraged by the political classes. Time to dump the politicians methinks, and return to commonsense.