Portman Group - Never Give a Shit

Loyal readers with long memories may recall that the Portman Group (a "drinks watchdog"...whatever that means?) has been featured on this site on occasions in the past. In February 2010 I awarded it my Prats of The Week Award:

"Portman (or is it Porkman?) have decreed that Tokyo beer (launched in the summer of 2009 by BrewDog) is evil and must be banned.

For why?

Well my old muckers Tokyo beer is a strong beer, 18.2% in fact, the strongest on sale in the UK.

However, surely I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?) there are drinks that are stronger than that (eg vodka, meths, etc)?

Yes indeed there are!"

More than four years on an Porkman continue to behave like prats, yet again targeting BrewDog.

It seems that BrewDog's Dead Pony Club Ale has irked Porkman, and they have decided to ban it. Please note that Porkman has no statutory ability to ban the sale of alcohol, as such its words are nothing more than hot air.

BrewDog are suitably unimpressed with Porkman and have issued the following press release:

"Today the Portman Group has officially banned BrewDog's Dead Pony Club 3.8% ale. See http://www.morningadvertiser.co.uk/Drinks-Brands-News/3.8-ABV-BrewDog-beer-falls-foul-of-the-Portman-Group

On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a shit about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a shit about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.

Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobsworths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.



While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a shit about that, either.

The Portman Group took objection to the phrase "rip it up down empty streets"? Mr Portman, you seem to like taking things literally. Can you please explain how something can be ‘anti-social’ if the streets are empty? Anti-social is defined as ‘contrary to the laws and customs of society, in a way that causes annoyance and disapproval in others.’ If the streets are empty, there are no ‘others’ to annoy.  



As for not agreeing with "we believe faster is better", well I think the archaic existence of the Portman Group proves just how bad "slow" can really be. Maybe they should try and catch up with the rest of the world instead of insulting the intelligence of consumers with such a thin veneer of impartiality. It is an embarrassing condemnation of the mega brewers who provide their funding, the same mega brewers whose pricing reaps havoc on society.  

Mr Portman, we'd be appreciative if you could now kindly save some trees and stop sending us meaningless letters.

We sincerely hope that the sarcasm of this message fits the Portman Group criteria of responsible use of humour."

Well said!

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The Nappy State

I see that the Nanny state has finally achieved what it always wanted, namely being so heavily relied on by her subjects that people want Nanny to wipe their arses.

Such is the sorry state of affairs in our schools, where a survey carried out by the National Foundation for Educational Research found that children are still wearing nappies in class after the age of five in hundreds of schools across the country.

In fact teachers have reported pupils as old as 15, who have no medical conditions or developmental issues, but are unable to use the toilet on their own.

Nine per cent of heads and senior staff who responded said that in the past year a child aged between five and seven had worn a nappy to their school.

The figure was five per cent for classroom teachers.

Four per cent of heads and senior staff said that in the last year a child aged seven to 11 had worn a nappy to school.

Anne-Marie Middleton, a deputy head teacher from Dover, is quoted by the Telegraph:

“We’re seeing more and more children wearing nappies. We find that more and more children have an issue with toilet further up the school. I know of one 11 year old who has to wear pull ups at night. It can really place a strain on teachers. It stops lessons.”

It has nothing to do with poverty, but is down to the fact parents have given up on parenting and have passed the buck to the state. Ms Middleton says that pupils come to school without many basic skills including toileting, or being able to use a knife and fork or hold a paintbrush.

The findings in this survey are not new, a similar one was conducted in 2012:

"A recent survey carried out by Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence and The Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL), an interesting combination of bodies!, found that there is a worrying increase in the number of children who are still in nappies when they start primary school.

Teachers find their lessons increasingly disrupted by having to "clear up accidents".

For why?

It seems that some parents now believe that it is the state's role (ie schools) to provide toilet training!

Some schools have even been forced to put on parent workshops to help with toilet training."

Even the most primitive and slow witted of life forms on this planet manage to train their offspring wrt toilet matters (eg a cat uses a tray, a dog uses the neighbour's garden, a rat uses the local KFC etc).

How is it that the most "intelligent" life form on the planet now cannot even manage to do that?

Now myth has become truth, Nanny really does wipe your arse!

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Skidrow On Sea

The Mail had a gemusing article about Brighton (Skidrow on Sea) yesterday, highlighting the demise of the city under the "stewardship" of the Greens.

All very true.

However, it neglected to mention the large hole that has appeared in the main road running along the seafront (that will cause traffic chaos for weeks) and the fact that police forces from around the country had to come to Brighton yesterday to keep the extreme left and right apart lest they have a punch up.

Why the council allowed the march to take place on the seafront, instead of in the middle of nowhere, thus destroying the day's takings for all the business located there is a mystery.

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Nanny's Health Atlas

Nanny's chums from the UK Small Area Health Statistics Unit at Imperial College have produced an online health atlas.

As per the site:

"The Environment and Health Atlas for England and Wales is an independent publication produced by the Small Area Health Statistics Unit (SAHSU), an academic unit funded by the Medical Research Council and Public Health England. The aims of the atlas are:

• To provide baseline information for policy makers and the public on geographic patterns of environmental agents and disease.
• To help in development of hypotheses to understand and explain variability in disease risk that may relate to the environment, lifestyle factors and/or location.
• Following on from this, to help in development of research to investigate potential causal relationships between environment and health factors – where either evidence or lack of evidence for an effect provides important information to inform public health and policy.

The atlas provides maps of the geographical variations for a range of health conditions and environmental agents at a small-area scale (census wards). The maps have been developed as a resource for those working in public health and public health policy and for the general public to better understand the geographic distribution of environmental factors and disease. It is important to note that simple comparison of mapped environmental agents and health conditions cannot be used to indicate causal associations. For this more information about other factors that might affect disease risk (for example the actual dose received by an individual, the exposure pathway and individual factors such as smoking, other medical conditions and family history) and further statistical analysis would be needed."

I guarantee that millions of people will now end up being massively confused and worried by the statistics, and that Nanny's chums in government and the various health quangos will freely misuse this data for their own ends.

The health atlas allows individuals to type in their postcode and find out whether people living in their area are at higher or lower risk of host of diseases than the rest of the country.

The atlas has already thrown up questions for further research such as why sunshine levels are highest in the southeast but skin cancer rates are highest in the southwest.

Prof Paul Pharoah, Professor of Cancer Epidemiology, University of Cambridge, is quoted by the Telegraph:

"People should definitely not use this atlas to decide where to live.” 

ROFLOL!!!

Of course they farking will!

Oh, and by the way, such is the level of demand for the site that it has just fallen over.

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Auntie's Jamaica Inn Fiasco

I am hugely gemused to see Auntie squirming on the ropes over the Jamaica Inn fiasco, wherein the actors have mumbled their lines so appallingly that millions of viewers have given up trying to watch the series as they cannot hear/understand what the hell is being said.

Initially Auntie blamed technical aspects of the recording, which she claimed she would fix. However, Auntie has finally been forced to come clean and admit that it's down to the actors mumbling their lines and the directors simply not manning up to them to tell them to act better!

Ben Stephenson, the head of drama commissioning, is quoted by the Telegraph:

“I think actors being clear is one part of it.

My understanding of the complaints about Jamaica Inn was more complex than that, so I think it’s probably not right to single out that, but clearly we want actors to speak clearly. 

Of course we want them to give brilliant performances and you’ve got to respect that, but if no one can understand what they’re saying, then there’s a problem.” 

No shit!?

This farce highlights one of the many problems with Auntie, namely that she looks after her own interests and those of her "staff" before those of her "customers" (ie the licence fee payers).

Joke of the day:

I took my wife to the West Indies on holiday.

Jamaica?

No, she went of her own accord.

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Nanny Bans Holidays

I have been gemused to see our "respected" politicians bleating and whining over the last few months over the "disgrace" of parents taking their kids out of school during term time for a holiday (somewhat ironic given how many weeks off per annum MPs award themselves).

The MPs, following "logic" that only people who are totally disconnected from reality can employ, bemoan the fact that holidays are more expensive during the school holiday season than when kids are safely incarcerated in one of Nanny's schools.

Here is a reality check for Nanny, that's known as market forces!

During term time the demand for holidays is less than during school breaks, hence the holiday companies etc charge less during this period in order to drum up demand.

Sigh, if only Nanny had the slightest inclination of how the real world operates!

Anyhoo, as befitting one of Nanny's many bees in her bonnet, she won't let the matter rest as Center Parcs have found to their cost.

Step forward Nanny's chums from the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), who have banned a Center Parcs TV advert.

For why?

ASA deem it to be irresponsible.

For why?

It allegedly "encourages" parents to take their kids out of school during term time.

Promoting midweek breaks, the advert showed parents and school-aged children, with small print stating that the offer "excludes school holidays".

How many people complained about the advert?

TWO! (doubtless a couple of Nanny's stooges)

Based on that veritable flood of complaints, ASA has banned the advert.

As per the BBC, ASA said:

"We considered the emphasis of the ad was on a family break and that the overall impression was that families could take advantage of the advertised offer, which was not available at weekends or during school holidays.

We also noted the final on-screen text stated 'Your family. Your time', which we considered was likely to be an encouragement for parents to take up the offer.

Because the ad had focused on a family break to promote an offer which was available only during term time, we concluded it irresponsibly encouraged parents to take their children out of school."

The ruling is utter bollocks, and shows ASA to be totally out of touch with reality:

 

1 Parents have every right, subject to commonsense and discussion with the school etc, to take their kids out of school for a few days.

 

2 Not everyone going to Center Parcs brings kids with them.

 

3 Market forces dictate that holidays are more expensive during periods of peak demand.

 

4 Center Parcs is perfectly at liberty to advertise and price their products in anyway they see fit, subject to the usual rules of honesty and decency etc.

 

ASA is farking demented!

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Prizes For All

Research carried out by the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) and cricketing charity Chance to Shine highlights the danger that Britain risks losing its competitive edge because a generation of children is no longer interested in winning on the sporting field.

Figures show the majority of children are not bothered if the competitive element is removed from football, cricket, rugby and hockey fixtures, saying playing for fun or being with friends is more important.

It seems that Nanny's mantra of "prizes for all" in schools over the last few decades has eroded children's competitive spirit. 

Chris McGovern, a former head teacher and chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, is quoited by the Telegraph:

"Children are instinctively competitive but there's a culture in a large number of state-maintained schools that takes this away to make sure everyone gets a fair crack. 

It's sinister and will result in many children not realising their full potential. That's not the case in our private schools which is why the Olympics squad and the cricket team are full of people who were privately-educated." 

In my humble and biased opinion there is a danger of overemphasising the importance of sport wrt building competitiveness. I for one loathed all forms of sport at school, and never gave a flying fig about winning or losing. That being said I was competitive when it came to the less physically demanding exams (eg maths, physics etc).

The issue is not so much about whether schools encourage sport or not, but whether they proactively discourage competition in both physical and cerebral activities.

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Happy Easter!

 

Have it large this Easter!

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Merry Easter!

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to a particularly daft piece of eco Nanny nonsense, emanating from Porthtowan Cornwall.

In January, for reasons best known to themselves, the local council decided to plant 100 discarded Christmas trees on the beach.

For why?

In Nanny's opinion these trees would help build a defence against the waves and the ongoing erosion of the beach. Nanny expected the trees to end up being covered in sand.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the trees died and are now sticking up on the beach (not covered in sand) forming a mini petrified forest.

The Porthtowan Dunes Community Group say the plan has failed, leaving the battered and weather-beaten Christmas trees sticking out of the sand.

Thus as we approach Eater the beach looks absurd.

Locals who want to dig the trees up have been threatened with legal action by the council.

A letter from countryside officer Jolyon Sharpe warned members of the Porthtowan Beach Management Group they could face legal action if they pushed ahead.

As per the Mail it read:

"If the group feel that it is appropriate to act independently of Cornwall Council it will have to consider its options regarding taking action to prevent such unauthorised interference and any appropriate recompense. 

I would sincerely hope that we can work together to ensure the most appropriate outcome for this area and that the Council will not have to resort to such a response."

Cornwall Councillor Joyce Duffin said:

"I can't comment if the trees are or are not working, though I think they are trapping some of the sand.

They would need to have permission [to remove the trees] because it's council land."

Ironically were householders to have dumped their trees on the beach they would have been fined for fly tipping.

Merry Easter everyone!


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The Joy of Drinking

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems!

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Industrial CCTV - Ker Farking Ching!

 

As I have noted many times before on this site, councils are reluctant to face budgetary reality; ie they refuse to cut their coat according to their cloth.

Instead they use us as passive "milch cows", taxing and fining us to the brink of bankruptcy.

Fines are a favoured means to extracting money as Brandon Lewis, the local government minister, has noted. He has drawn attention to the fact that councils are using CCTV to issue motorists with parking fines on an “industrial” scale.

Big Brother Watch  has found growing numbers of local authorities are using the cameras to monitor parking offences and other traffic contraventions, in the five years to the end of March 2013 drivers have been fined at least £312M because of these cameras.

At least 36 local authorities across England and Wales are using static CCTV cameras and at least 58 are using cameras mounted on cars.

Lewis is quoted by the Telegraph in response to the report:

“It is clear that CCTV is being used to raise money in industrial volumes for town halls, breaking the constitutional principle that fines should not be used as a source of revenue.

Unreasonable parking charges and fines push up hard-working people’s cost of living.

If parking is too expensive or difficult, shoppers will drive to out of town supermarkets or just shop online, undermining the vitality of town centres and leading to ‘ghost town’ high streets.

That’s why the Government intends to clampdown on this clear abuse and misuse of parking CCTV.”

Emma Carr, deputy director of Big Brother Watch, said:

“The fact that no councils publish proper statistics about how these cameras are used highlights that many know that their CCTV operation is about raising money, not about public safety.

The Government rightly wants to reign in this unjustified surveillance, so councils are turning to desperate arguments about public safety to justify their cameras, despite having absolutely no evidence to back up their claims.

The use of CCTV and spy cars for parking enforcement should be banned.”

Peter Box, chairman of the Local Government Association’s economy and transport board, pooh poohs the suggestion the CCTV is being used to raise revenue:

“It is frustratingly familiar to hear Big Brother Watch again peddling the myth that councils are enforcing parking regulations just to raise money.

Road safety campaigners, schools, disability and pedestrian charities and councils have all come together to warn the Government that banning CCTV parking enforcement will put school children and disabled pedestrians at risk and worsen road safety.” 

Well, he would say that wouldn't he?

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BMI Is Bollox

I was gemused to see recently that our local pharmacy has installed a combined weighing/BMI calculating machine that charges the hapless punter 50p a pop.

This is all very well if BMI (Body Mass Index) actually meant anything. However, as we all know, it is a meaningless and useless measure.

Step forward Anita Albrecht, who finished sixth in Miss Galaxy Universe 2012, who was recently told by an NHS nurse at the Harold Hill Health Centre to lose weight and exercise more. She was told to consume a paltry 1,000 calories a day!

For why?

Ms Albrecht's BMI was 29, this is classified as "overweight".

Ms Albrecht quite rightly, was less than impressed and told the Mirror:

"She insulted me by making assumptions about my lifestyle without asking me.

She said you are obviously eating too much.

She put me on scales and clearly I'm a lot heavier than other women of my height because I'm a bodybuilder."

To add insult to injury she was told to cut out alcohol and fruit juices that she doesn't drink.

"All of these were assumptions made and, quite frankly, they angered me," she added.

I felt insulted, was made to feel as though I was overweight, over eating and I felt a knock in my confidence."

Surely one ounce of commonsense could have told the nurse that Ms Albrecht was of a greater muscle density than the average person?

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Nanny's Love of Tamiflu

I see that a review carried out by Oxford University has concluded that the anti flu drug Tamiflu, given to tens of thousands of people during the swine flu pandemic, does nothing to halt the spread of influenza and that Nanny wasted nearly £500M stockpiling it.

The study found that Tamiflu, which was given to 240,000 people in the UK at a rate of 1,000 a week, has been linked to suicides of children in Japan and suggested that, far from easing flu symptoms, it could actually worsen them.

Nanny, let me also remind you, is dead keen that we drink water with added fluoride.

This is why I brush my teeth with vodka!
 

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Vermin Alert

Sadly Brighton is to be infested once again by a surfeit of wankers from both the extreme right and left of the political spectrum, whose only intent is to come here for a fist fight and to disrupt the peaceful lives of the vast majority of decent people who live and visit here.

Sunday 27th of April sees the return of the March for England, performed by retards from the EDL. Last year some of the retards from this organisation deemed the Brighton Pavilion to be a mosque.

Much like flies around shit, the extreme left deem it necessary to come along as well to engage in fist fights with the EDL and with the police.

The residents and tourists of Brighton have no say as to where these scum chose to fight, that is in the hands of the council and police.

Can you guess where the council and police have chosen to place the scum?

Yes, that's right, in the most popular and busy part of the town - the seafront along the coast road between the Aquarium roundabout and WestStreet. Thus ensuring that no decent person (be they tourist, resident or business person) can be about their lawful business. Last year the route was impassable to anyone other than scum from the right and left of the political spectrum.

By all means allow the scum to conduct their pitched battles, but please can the route be place in the far more appropriate area of under the sea.

Message to both the extreme right and left:

SHRIVEL UP AND DIE YOU ODIOUS SCUM 

You are not welcome here!

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The Evils of Socialism - Nanny To Weigh People Buying Booze

Courtesy of the Socialist Health Association:

"....The supply of tobacco products to anyone born after 1.1.2000 is made an offence under the Misuse of Drugs Act....

..Remove the exemption from VAT from refined sugar on the basis that it has no nutritional value....

...Anyone selling more than a lethal dose of alcohol to a customer must notify the NHS of the sale and the customer’s name and address. The idea is to make selling alcohol a bureaucratic chore, so retailers could be required to weigh customers in order to calculate their lethal dose..."

Are you happy that Nanny may one day order that you be weighed every time you buy booze?

The Temperance Movement was once regarded in the US as being a fad, and merely run by "nut jobs". Yet that movement managed to ban booze for many years, thus spurring an explosion of criminal activity unprecedented in a civilised society.

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Nanny Is Mother Nanny Is Father - Schooling From Two

I was thoroughly depressed to read recently that Nanny's head of Ofsted (Sir Michael Wilshaw) is of the view that kids should start formal schooling (ie attend nurseries) from the age of two.

He is of the view that radical changes are needed to address concerns that the early years system is “letting down” large numbers of children who start formal education lacking the most basic literacy and numeracy skills.

 

Sir Michael says that children (particularly those from poor families) “do better in school-based provision”. 

Poverty has nothing to do with it!

Were poverty an issue then poor children in Asia Pacific (eg Chinese children) would not be outranking their middle class Western counterparts in key skills such maths and literacy.

I dare say, were formal schooling to commence at two, Nanny will one day press for children to removed from their parents as soon as they are born.

The issue is not that of schooling, but incredibly lousy parenting. It is not the kids who need to be educated but the parents!

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The Dangers of Fruit Juice

I see that Nanny's chums from an anti sugar lobby group Action on Sugar (akin to the anti salt lobby group CASH) have got their knickers in a twist over the amount of sugar in fruit juice.

Maybe CASH and AoS could combine and, akin to the laws of physics wrt matter/anti matter, cancel each other out?

Just out of curiosity I am still bemused that some people become so fixated on a single issue (eg salt, sugar) that they set up charities and lobby groups that solely focus on that one single issue, and do their utmost to prevent others from consuming that product.

Why?

Why are these people so obsessed, and so determined to stop others living their lives as they wish to?

Nothing to do with the money that these groups rake in from sponsors and governments surely?

Anyhoo according to research carried out by the Telegraph some fruit juices and smoothies contain four times the amount of sugar the World Health Organisation recommends an average person should consume in a day.

A survey of 50 products from supermarkets, coffee shops and food outlets found that more than half contained at least six teaspoons of sugar, which is the recommended daily limit.

This is all very well and "horrifying" but, if you observe the table below that lists the 50 products, many are huge portions. In other words of course they contain large amounts of sugar, because the portion sizes themselves are stonking!


Maybe a simple solution would be to consume less fruit juice and smoothies...oh, wait a minute, wasn't Nanny the other day telling us to up our 5 a day to 7 a day?

I have of course a simple solution for those of you who wish to drink gallons of sugary fruit juices, simply add salt.

Problem solved!

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Real Fags Safer Than E Fags

Breaking news everyone, it appears that real fags are safer than e fags.

That at least is the inference to be drawn from a report on NBC that states that calls to U.S. poison control centres about people sickened by e-cigarettes containing liquid nicotine have soared in the past four years, climbing from just one a month in 2010 to at least 215 per month this year, federal health officials said Thursday.

More than half of the poisoning reports involved children younger than 5, including many kids drawn to the nicotine-laced liquids flavoured like fruit, bubble gum and soda pop, which come in containers ranging from small vials to multi-gallon jugs that are not required to be childproof.

Even adults are reporting harm from the e-cigarette liquid, experts said. Some mistook nicotine in small vials for eye drops and put them in their eyes. Others got the fluid in their mouths when the vials broke or intentionally ingested the liquid nicotine. Others spilled the fluid on their hands and didn’t wash it off, becoming ill when the nicotine was absorbed into their skin.

I suggest that Nanny bans e fags, and proactively advises people who use e fags to revert to real fags!

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Which Country In The World Has The Least Nanny State?

 

A Twitter chum of mine has asked the Twitterverse "which country in the world has the least Nanny state?"

Any ideas folks?

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Too Old To Drink

My thanks to a loyal reader who recently pointed me to an absurd piece of Nanny nonsense that is devoid of any shred of commonsense.

Philips Lewis is 58, he has grey hair and a moustache.

With me so far?

He went to his local Esso petrol station (Norton Service Station in Midsomer Norton) to buy some petrol and four cans of Fosters.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, he was banned from buying the booze because he didn't have any ID with him to prove that he was over 18.

He is quoted by the Bath Chronicle:

“I could understand it if I was nearer 25 and looked that way but I will be 59 in June. I don’t carry my driving licence with me.

There was a queue behind me and I felt really humiliated and demoralised. I reckon I spend about £2,000 in there on petrol and magazines over a year – and I was made to feel like that at my age.

It was very over the top and I feel it was completely unnecessary. I have written to the service station manager but I will be withdrawing my custom and going elsewhere.”

A spokesman for Esso said:

“We apologise to Mr Lewis for any offence or inconvenience caused during his visit to the service station. 

While we have strict rules concerning the sale of alcohol, it is clear they were applied with a little too much zeal on this occasion. We have advised the sales assistant accordingly, and will contact Mr Lewis to offer him a small gift as a goodwill gesture.” 

No, the rules were not applied with "too much zeal" the rules were INCORRECTLY ENFORCED without any commonsense!

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Welsh Nanny Bans E Fags

I see that Welsh Nanny wants to ban e cigarettes being used in enclosed public places.

For why?

It seems that, in Nanny's view, they normalise smoking and undermine the smoking ban.

The proposal, along with one to introduce a 50p minimum price on alcohol, has been put forward in a white paper "Listening to you – Your health matters" (this is open to consultation until 24 June).

Given that e fags are sold on the basis of trying to help people who are trying to give up fags (something that Nanny wants them to do), what are the hapless people who are trying to give up fags meant to do?

Those of you who live in Wales, who think that this proposal is bollocks should make your views known before 24 June.

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Nanny Offers Immortality

I see that despite the fact that Nanny's 5 a day propaganda has been shown to be bollocks, Nanny's chums from University College London have conducted a study that claims to show that we will live longer if we ate 7 portions of fruit and veg a day.

Oddly enough, Nanny herself insists that 5 a day is still adequate.

The study of 65,226 men and women indicated the more fruit and vegetables people ate, the less likely they were to die - at any given age.

Read that again, in effect Nanny's chums are saying if you eat 7 a day you won't die!

Shurely shome mishtake!

Irrespective of that rather ludicrous claim, the research itself appears to be massively flawed.

For why?

Other lifestyle factors, such as not smoking or drinking excessively, may have accounted for the drop in mortality, not just fruit and veg consumption.

More to the point, as Prof Tom Sanders, at the School of Medicine, King's College London, said it was "already known" that people who said they ate lots of fruit and vegetables were health conscious, educated and better-off. He is quoted by the BBC:

"You cannot extrapolate from this kind of information to make sensible pronouncements about what people should eat."

In other words the conclusions are bollocks!

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