Do As Nanny Says, Not As She Does!

Quelle surprise, a councillor who has broken planning rules.

Surely not!

As per the Telegraph:

"A Conservative district councillor who made alterations to her 14th century house without planning permission was taken to court after it appeared on a Channel 4 property show. 

Barby Dashwood-Morris, 70, failed to get planning permission for changes to the Priest House from Wealden District Council -  despite also serving as chair of its planning committee.

The East Sussex house appeared on "Double your House for Half the Money", presented by Sarah Beeny, in 2013. 

At the time Ms Dashwood-Morris, who was then chair of the council's planning south committee, said: "They were scheduled to spend two-and-a-half hours but actually were here for over four and they were so very enthusiastic about how the house looked - 'even better than they hoped'."

Do as Nanny says, not as she does!

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Hoist With Nanny's Own Petard

What's the barrier to an infrastructure fiscal stimulus? The Treasury. My @IndyVoices column https://t.co/VGOlvHZdZs pic.twitter.com/oMxbt28yJG

— Ben Chu (@BenChu_) July 24, 2016

Nanny would have us believe that she is omnipotent, and can "improve" our lives at the click of her heels.

Yet, as is clear from the above, she is also now hog tied by her own rules and regulations.

Will she learn a lesson from this?

No, of course she won't!

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The Dangers of Walkie Talkies

Oh dear I cannot help but guffaw at this story (not at the damage caused though) that so clearly highlights that no matter how mind numbingly restrictive Nanny's local council planning laws can be, the most incredible architectural howlers can still be approved and erected (ooh, can I have an erection before the watershed?).

Step forward whoever was responsible for designing and approving the Walkie Talkie skyscraper in Eastcheap. Aside from being a bit of a carbuncle, it also seemingly has the power to melt cars.

That at least is the claim made by Martin Lindsay, and others, who have found that bits of their cars (parked within the vicinity of the erection) have melted as a result of the building allegedly magnifying the suns rays and focussing them onto the cars.

CityA.M. reports that Mr Lindsay was distraught to see the warped panels along the side of his high-spec Jaguar XJ.

He parked his Jaguar at 12.45pm on Thursday afternoon but when City A.M. visited an hour later there was a smell of burning plastic and some panels were beyond repair. The building (dubbed the Walkie Scorchie after it began reflecting the ray of light that has left passers-by shielding their eyes) has also badly damaged a van parked nearby.

Eddie Cannon, a heating and air conditioning engineer, said his Vauxhall Vevaro had suffered similar damage on Wednesday:

"The van looks a total mess – every bit of plastic on the left hand side and everything on the dashboard has melted, including a bottle of Lucozade that looks like it has been baked.

When I got in the van it was a really strange light - like it was illuminated and they were filming. I want to know what effect it's having on people walking down the road." 

Joint developers Land Securities and Canary Wharf said they are investigating and are quoted:

“As a precautionary measure, the City of London has agreed to suspend three parking bays in the area which may be affected.” 

Man's hubris, when it comes to erections, knows no bounds!

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Nanny Bans Colour

I was ungemused to see that some nimbies in the Corinimu Via estate in the Cotswolds have taken a dislike to a newly constructed children's playground.

Is it 'cos the kids who use it are unruly?

No!

Seemingly the angst of the nimbies is driven by their dislike of the colour scheme of the playground, apparently it is too bright!

The result being that the playground has been fenced off, and the kids are not allowed to use it until a "satisfactory" colour scheme is derived.
 

Developer Redrow Homes, because of the complaints, have erected a metal fence around the site and vowed to re-paint the swings and climbing frames, which are primarily red, green and blue. However, as the Telegraph reports, the area has remained sealed off ever since; Redrow is now seeking planning permission to change the colour scheme and re-locate some of the equipment.

A Cotswold District Council spokesman Bob McNally said:

"Cotswolds District Council has responded to objections that were brought to us by some residents whose homes are near or overlook the play area. 

At the request of several residents, it was agreed collectively that the opening of the play area would be put on hold until their concerns were considered further. 

One of the residents' concerns was about the bright colours of the equipment - which are not in line with the approved plan conditions for the play area.

The developer has agreed to address this as soon as the formal planning approval for relocating the equipment is granted."

As ever in Nanny's Britain the voice of the disgruntled, sad whining individual takes precedence over that of the well adjusted sensible majority!

Kids are given a lot of "stick" by the media, politicians etc these days for hanging round streets looking menacing, and for disrespecting their elders. Given this selfish nonsense, it is hardly surprising that kids have a less than positive attitude to adults and turn into selfish gits hanging round street corners disrespecting adults.

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German Nanny Kyboshed

As loyal readers know, I occasionally feature Nanny stories from outwith the UK. Thus I present to you an amusing story that I read today about how German Nanny was well and truly kyboshed.

Horse owners near Doellstaedt were denied a permit to build a shading shelter for their horses by Deutsche Nanny. 

Therefore they decided to be creative and built a gigantic wooden table and two chairs instead.

Splendid!

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The New No Fly Zone - USA Monitors British Travellers

The Independent reports that Nanny USA now wants monitor those who fly to its neighbours:

"One million British travellers planning to fly to Canada, the Caribbean and Mexico this year face the risk of being turned away at the airport – at the insistence of the US Department of Homeland Security.

New rules require British Airways and other airlines flying to certain airports outside America to submit passengers' personal data to US authorities. The information is checked against a "No Fly" list containing tens of thousands of names. Even if the flight plan steers well clear of US territory, travellers whom the Americans regard as suspicious will be denied boarding."

It seems to me that a little bit of reciprocity is called for here, namely that the details of US citizens flying to the UK and its neighbours (ie Europe) should be requested pre flight; and that the UK be given the right to block US citizens from flying if their names appear on UK Nanny's no fly lists.

Have we totally lost our guts as a nation?

Why the hell are we allowing this to happen?

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Useless Gobshites!

Fresh on the heels of the recent announcement by the Tory led coalition to ban all branding of fags, our "beloved" government is now planning to up the minimum price of booze.

Nanny's Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, will publish a white paper this week that will outline plans to ban cheap alcohol sales.

Supermarkets will be banned from selling wine, beer and spirits below the cost of duty on the product plus VAT.

There are also plans to raise the duty paid on super-strength beer, as part of the Police and Social Responsibility Bill that is also due to be published.

Licences could be removed from sellers that breach the rules.

I had been labouring under the misunderstanding that we were now being governed by a Tory led government, with an agenda to lessen the burden of state control on the individual, not a socialist administration intent on encroaching ever further into our daily lives.

Clearly I was wrong.

I find it hypocritical, to say the least, that our "respected" MPs (hereafter referred to as useless gobshites) are striving to increase the price of booze; given that these useless gobshites have unfettered access to subsidised bars and restaurants (open until the wee small hours) courtesy of the long suffering taxpayer.

Why do they allow themselves the option of being able to drink cheap booze, but deny the voters that same option?

My thanks to the Irish Daily Star for coming up with a headline (albeit intended for the Irish cabinet) that so ably describes our government.

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Prats of The Week - Police Use Drunk Actors

Ooh err Missus!

It has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it is a double award, going to Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police.

Hoorah!

For why?

Well, my old muckers, as we know Nanny and her minions have something of a bee in their collective bonnets over booze.

Aside from the usual rules and regulations that Nanny imposes on us, and attempts to enforce, allegedly designed to make us drink less there is also the time honoured rule that publicans ought not to serve people who are clearly "out of their box".

Break this rule, and the hapless publican will be fined £80 on the spot and possibly another £1000.

So, guess what Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police did?

They hired two sober actors (a rarity) to visit 10 pubs in Bexley. They ordered drinks whilst swaying and announcing to bar staff in a slurred voice "I'm hammered", reeking of alcohol, slurring their words, fumbling their change and shoving other customers on their way to the bar.

They were served in every pub.

The actors then gave a repeat performance at a conference for local publicans, and bar managers who stated that they would be refused service and asked to leave.

Hah!

Nanny had them at her mercy, the police proudly stood up and said:

"You've already served them."

Hah!

I bet that gave the police a real "rush", you can almost see them drooling in anticipation before they made that announcement.

Clive Cain, head of public protection (what the fark is "public protection" by the way?) at Bexley Council, said:

"Whilst it is illegal to serve a drunk, the law does not define when someone is drunk. This pioneering initiative has demonstrated the ease with which drunks can be served. It has highlighted the urgent need for improvements in training, advice and managerial support for bar staff."

Ah so there we see the problem that Nanny needs to overcome, when is a drunk a drunk?

Under normal circumstances this judgement would be left to the commonsense of the publican. However, as we know, Nanny has banned commonsense.

A couple of rather obvious points re this particular case, that Nanny might like to remember:

1 The police are not allowed to use entrapment to obtain a conviction.

2 The actors were not actually drunk, therefore no crime has actually been committed.

Maybe the publicans could hire actors to pretend to be publicans, whilst serving pretend drunks, and the police could pretend to arrest them etc?

Needless to say, Bexley Police are planning to step up their undercover initiative for the World Cup.

Can the police charge the police with wasting police time?

Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police, well deserving "Prats of The Week".

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Lawyers Cancel School Trip II

Those loyal readers with long memories, not addled by Nanny's banned substances of booze and fags etc, may recall that back in January I wrote about the rather sad story of a school trip to an outdoor activity centre in Craggan in the Cairngorms being cancelled because the mother of a disabled girl objected to it.

Yesterday one of the other parents (who by happenstance I knew at university), who has a child at the school, posted an update on the article:

"Hullo Ken

An update from a parent of a child at the school.

Highland Council have now created a trip to another outdoor centre but the mother of the disabled child has removed her child from the school in protest. The mother claims NO child should be allowed to enjoy ANY activity her severely disabled child cannot take part in. That is NOT the law and is unfair, in that it would restrict options for able bodied children.

The action of Highland Council in giving way is very odd. We have not had an explanation of why the council felt it had "no alternative" but to cancel the trip. I have requested details (under Freedom of Information rules) of which clause in the Disability Discrimination Act was not complied with or which section of the Council's "Trip Planning Guide" was not followed.

I suspect that the "guidance" was not fully followed so they felt nervous. I have suggested that such guidance "gold plates" the DDA and makes it easier to challenge a trip."

How on earth does removing the girl from the school "in protest" help this child in anyway shape or form?

I am at a total loss to understand the rationale behind this woman's actions.

It is a very sad story, and one that reflects quite how dysfunctional our society has become under the weight of legislation and climate of fear generated by the Nanny state.

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Prats of The Week - Sunderland City Council

Gosh already another organisation has stepped up to the plate, and made itself "worthy" for my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

This time it goes to Sunderland City Council, as Robert Smithson found to his cost recently.

For why?

Mr Smithson wanted to fly the Cross of St George from his house, to welcome back his twin sons from the Coldstream Guards after completing their training.

Needless to say, some member of the public complained (one wonders how some people's minds work, that they have the time and energy to complain about trivia), and Sunderland City Council wrote to Mr Smithson threatening him with a fine of up to £2,500 for illegally flying the flag from his suburban house.

Seemingly he was breaking planning laws, because the flag was at the wrong angle (thus it was classified as advertising) according to the officials from the council.

Ermmm...why not just rehang it then?

Ironically, after some investigation it transpired that council officials had misinterpreted the rules and got it wrong.

The flag can stay!

Sunderland City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week

Tis a Monday, and tis time for my world famous "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to yet another one of Nanny's local councils. My goodness, it makes me shudder thinking about how useless Britain's local councils really are.

No wonder council tax is out of control!

Anyhoo, the winners this week are West Wiltshire District Council who are having a little trouble over approving a pub sign.

Is the sign rude or offensive?

No, it is a simple and unoffensive name "The Black Dog, Chilmark, Bar and Restaurant".

The landlords, Trisha and Thomas Russell, took over the tenancy of the pub a few weeks ago and the sign itself has stood at the same site for around 20 years.

Yet they have been told to remove it.

For why?

The council, in their "infinite wisdom", have decreed that the sign needs planning permission and that the sign is distracting to motorists.

The Highways Agency, having received the application, objected to it.

Quote:

"The sign contains several lines of text and is therefore distracting to motorists.

It is also advertising the use of a public house to motorists, potentially providing the temptation to drink and drive while using a long distance trunk route.

No alcohol is allowed to be served or consumed in service stations on motorways as a matter of principle.

We would wish to continue this principle by not encouraging drivers to break their journey in a public house."

Errm...pubs have erected signs for centuries to advertise their location.

Nanny has done her best over the past few years to destroy the pub trade (eg via her no smoking rules, and entertainment rules that she applies), now she wants to add one more nail to the coffin by banning advertising in any shape or form by using the Highway Agency as her cudgel.

The agency ignores the fact that a hungry and tired motorist is almost as dangerous as a pissed motorist. The pub provides non alcoholic drinks, food, toilets and a much needed respite from the monotony of driving.

Surely it is logical to advertise such services to hungry and tired motorist?

Nanny would say not!

A spokeswoman for West Wiltshire District Council tried to weasel out of it, by claiming that the planning application was still under review and that a decision had not yet been made.

West Wiltshire District Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Let them know that they have won via this link Prats

By the way, in case you are wondering, this council is another one of Cameron's.

I suggest you drop him a note about this too, he might one day get the message that people are fed up with councils and that the Tory Party will not win the next election if he doesn't sort out the Nanny state and its local councils.

Get that message across to Cameron via this link: Cameron

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Happy New Parking Rules Day!

Hip hip hooray it's new parking rules day today!

Under Nanny's overhaul of parking regulations, a new era of "remote enforcement" is being imposed upon her hapless subjects.

As from today, Nanny's "beloved" and "respected" local councils will be allowed to use CCTV cameras to detect parking offences.

Drivers will not even know that they have been caught until a letter arrives up to 14 days later, by which time they may be unable to gather evidence to defend themselves.

Guilty by default!

How nice that Nanny has been able to overturn centuries of British jurisprudence at the stroke of a pen, without the slightest whimper from anyone.

Have we all gone to sleep?

Cameras can be used only in areas where it is too "difficult or sensitive" for an attendant to operate, ie a fast-flowing road (are there any?) or a busy junction.

Nanny is even renaming the "Parking Attendants".

Can you guess what her new, "non sinister" "non Orwellian" name for them will be?

Civil Enforcement Officers!

I don't like that at all...give a little man a big title (and uniform) and he will act like a right git.

The Civil Enforcement Officers will be given powers to post tickets that they do not have time to finish writing before motorists drive off.

The AA quite rightly has noted that thousands of innocent drivers will receive penalties from attendants seeking an easy way to meet performance targets.

Nanny's councils make over £1BN out of this little scam (a surrogate council tax).

Some councils are planning to require simply that the attendant record the number plate and tax disc number, no evidence whatsoever will be required for a fine to be issued.

Rosie Winterton, the Transport Minister, said:

"Parking enforcement must be fair, clear, consistent and based on robust evidence. We want to increase public confidence in parking. Parking rules exist to help beat congestion and improve road safety.

With more than 30 million vehicles on Britain's roads, just one vehicle parked in the wrong place can cause traffic jams. It can also put other road users in danger."

I agree, unfortunately Nanny's local councils use parking fines to supplement their council tax take. Fines should not be issued by the same organ of the state that then utilises the revenue.

That principle was was worked out, and agreed upon, back in the 17th century; it would appear that Nanny is now seeking to abandon it.

Why not eliminate the need for officers and simply fine us all up front, given that in Nanny's Britain we are guilty until proven innocent?

Happy New Parking Rules Day!

Nanny Bans Heroes

In the Nanny state nothing is more threatening to Nanny than independence of thought, action and displays of leadership and courage.

Who better to demonstrate such positive traits than a hero?

As such, it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny has banned heroism and heroes.

Paul Waugh, a volunteer coastguard who was nominated for an award for rescuing a schoolgirl from a cliff, found this to his cost recently.

Mr Waugh rescued Faye Harrison, 13, who in January 2007 was hanging on by her fingertips and about to fall 200ft (60m) at Salburn-on-Sea, Teesside. He climbed down and held on to her for 30 minutes, until she could be winched to safety.

Unfortunately, he was not wearing safety equipment as it would have taken time to go back to his vehicle which was some distance away.

Mr Waugh, despite rescuing the girl, was later told by Nanny that he had broken rules.

The Maritime and Coastguard Agency (MCA) said it was not looking for dead heroes.

Mr Waugh said:

"I understand I broke a rule,

but I felt it was a matter of having to

because she only had minutes to live.

She said that herself, she was planning her own funeral.

When you see a little frightened face looking up at you,

all you want to do is help.

There's no way I'm going to stand back and watch a

13-year-old girl fall off a cliff."

Faye later nominated him for a life saver award as her "guardian angel".

However, Mr Waugh, who was with the MCA for 13 years, was told that the organisation had carried out an internal investigation into the team's handling of the incident, and the health and safety issues surrounding the rescue.

He has decided to leave the MCA rather than put up with any more health and safety bullshit.

Quote:

"I'm leaving now due to the hassle

I've had over the last nine months.

In fact, I've been depressed over it.

Yes, fair enough, I broke a rule,

but when I started my training a long time ago,

I was told, one time, you'll work outside the box.

And in this case I had to help her, she was ready to fall.

I'm very, very sad. It's a shame I'm having to go."

The MCA said it was very grateful for his past activities and wished him well in the future.

The statement said:

"Our responsibility is to maintain the

health and welfare of those who we sometimes

ask to go out in difficult and challenging

conditions to effect rescues.

As such we ask our volunteers to risk assess

the situations they and the injured or distressed

person find themselves in, and to ensure that

whatever action they take does not put anyone

in further danger.

We are proud of our safety record and we will

seek to maintain the safety of our volunteers,

and minimise risk in what can be inherently

difficult situations."

No, that is wrong, their responsibility is to rescue people!

This is not the first time that Nanny has banned heroism, see here.

In Nanny's world, a dead girl is far better than a living hero.

Grave Concern

The Health and Safety Gestapo strike again, this time not content with interfering with the living they are now interfering with the dead.

Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo have been running an ongoing campaign (I first commented on this issue in January 2005) to force families to pay to shore up gravestones deemed "dangerous" by our "old friends" our "respected" local councils.

Needless to say, you can see why Nanny is so keen to interfere here; it's not the safety or otherwise of these gravestones, but the fact Nanny sees the opportunity for a nice little earner for herself and her lackeys.

John Mann has seen through Nanny's scheming and notes, quite rightly, that no-one has been killed by falling headstones in churchyards in the past 10 years.

Yet families are being strong armed into paying local councils money, based on the results of our "old friend" the risk assessment.

Pass the sick bag someone!

The Local Government Association (LGA), needless to say, claim that the money is needed (well they would, wouldn't they?). An LGA spokesman said that most cemeteries are owned by local authorities, and "in the majority of cases" those authorities had covered the cost of making headstones safe.

Where the owners of plots had been charged "these costs are reasonable and it would be unfair to generalise from one authority alone".

Headstones are made safe by "staking" (not something you see in a Hammer film), in which wooden stakes are driven into the ground next to the headstones to prevent them toppling over.

Mr Mann paid for an independent "topple test" at a graveyard in his Bassetlaw constituency, the result indicated that 95% of headstone staking is unnecessary.

The reason that so many "topple tests" are showing up safety problems is that they are contracted out to private companies, who have a financial incentive to deem everything unsafe.

Mr Mann, all credit to him, is now planning on becoming an accredited gravestone "topple tester" so that he can independently check whether head stones need to be shored up.

As he said:

"These things simply don't fall on people.

There is much more chance of people dying

on their way to church."

As ever with "health and safety" rules, an entire industry has sprung up intent on screwing the public for every penny that it has got; aided and abetted by local councils, who take a nice percentage for themselves.

It is time that we rid ourselves of local councils, who add nothing but extra costs and administrative burdens to the daily lives of the people of Britain.

Nanny Bans Flags

Last month, Nanny got her kerrr....nickers into something of a twist again over the contentious issue of flags.

One of Nanny's "respected" local councils, South Derbyshire District Council, decreed that Robert Hicking could not fly some flags from the roof of his house.

Isn't funny how Nanny uses local councils to enforce her petty rules and regulations?

Could it be that local councils are akin to dog shit (in the way it attracts flies), and that councils just attract petty minded interfering jobsworths?

Anyhoo, Mr Hicking was told that his flags were banned because they "could be seen as advertising".

What were these flags then?

Nothing more harmful than the flags of his local football team, Derby County.

Correct me if I am wrong, but during the world cup did not countless people fly the Cross of St George from various poles and erections?

Why are South Derbyshire District Council so sensitive about the flag of their own football team?

Mr Hicking now plans to fly the flag of St George and the Union Jack instead.

A spokeswoman for South Derbyshire District Council said:

"It's against the town and country planning

regulations to fly a flag that contains an advertisement

and a football club flag would be considered

to fall into that category."

I bet no one actually asked a qualified lawyer about this, and that this phrase "would be considered" is being used as a catch all by some bureaucrat who has nothing better to do than to stop people living their lives.

Nanny and her local councils hate individuality.

The Health and Safety Gestapo Strike Again

Oh dear, Nanny's dreaded health and safety Gestapo have struck again. This time they have chosen to put their unwanted and unwelcome noses and boots into the good people of Liverpool's attempt to have a bit of a street party.

The furore surrounds The Mathew Street Festival organised on a regular basis by the Beatles old haunt, the Cavern.

Note, someone seems to have pulled the plug on the main part of the site?

The Mathew Street Festival, by last year, had become "Europe's biggest street party"; and was attracting 100,000 people, with big name acts on outdoor stages.

Needless to say such activities are frowned upon by Nanny's chums in the council, the police and the health and safety Gestapo.

-Crowds
-Live music
-Fresh air etc

are all an anathema to Nanny and her trolls.

Therefore it should some as no surprise to learn that Nanny banned the event, at the eleventh hour, citing that hoary (can I say hoary?) old chestnut "health and safety".

Liverpool City Council are claiming that the decision to pull the plug follows independent advice from health and safety consultants, Capita Symonds, employed by the Liverpool Culture Co.

Seemingly the scale of the current redevelopment work in Liverpool, poses a threat to people's safety at such an event.

Building work, in Liverpool?

Have they never had construction work there before?

Needless to say, Nanny's finest in the shape of Merseyside Police are also in favour of banning it. They claim that the reduction in capacity, huge crowds in an open, licensed environment, means there is a significant safety risk to the public.

It would seem that, according to Nanny, the planning for the event, and discussions between the city council, police and safety officials, cannot fully eliminate the risk.

Errmmmm...can we get this point clear?

You can never eliminate risk, you can only manage/reduce it.

It is time that these prats stopped fantasising about eliminating risk, and got themselves a heavy does of reality.

The council said:

"Staff worked right to the 11th hour to try

and produce a workable plan which could

accommodate the festival in the city centre."

Given that the festival was scheduled for the 26th and 27th of this month, a cynic might ask why the hell have they only just come up with the banning order?

It's not as though the redevelopment work was not known about earlier!

Indeed, it seems that only yesterday a tender document went out for pa and lighting companies to tender for the festival.

It seems to me that the council and police were looking around for an excuse to ban the festival and knew that if they left it ot the last minute, the furore could be "managed away" and would not have a chance to build up.

A spokesman from Liverpool City Council was on the BBC this morning, bleating away that there would be an "internal" inquiry into why the decision to ban it was so late in the day.

The only trouble is, that the internal inquiry will be conducted by the self same council that took the lame decision in the first place.

Any bets as to the value of the findings?

How stupid do they really think people are?

Another fine example of local councils getting above themselves and inflicting their unwanted views and rules on the people that, in theory, they work for.

Abolish local councils, they add no value whatsoever!

Here are a few useful emails addresses, urls etc

-Liverpool City Council
-LCC statement
-Contact Capita Symonds

Nanny Bans Mince Pies

In keeping with the season, you will undoubtedly not be surprised to hear that Nanny has banned mince pies.

Rather, Nanny's health and safety Gestapo have ordered that a risk assessment of mince pies be conducted before she allows a Christmas party to take place.

Nanny's jobsworth lackeys in Craven Council have decreed that the organisers of the Embsay Christmas party (a village in the Yorkshire Dales) must perform a risk assessment of their mince pies, or their party will be "nixed".

Nanny's council have also ordered that posters will have to be displayed at the party, warning villagers that the pies contain nuts and suet pastry.

I know that there is currently a world wide nut phobia, as "little Timmy" once got one stuck in his throat. However, since when was suet a health and safety issue?

As if that were not enough, it seems that there has to be a thermometer thrust (can I say thrust at this time of the day?) into the hot chocolate, in case it is too hot.

How did we manage before the invention of thermometers?

Come to think of it, what if the thermometer contains mercury?

Ooh, it doesn't bear thinking about!

Steve Dobson, who is organising the event, said that he learned of the regulations after writing to Craven District Council to ask if he could use a car park outside Embsay village hall to hold the free party for the community.

Now you see folks, that was his big mistake.

Never, ever, tell Nanny what you are about to do; because she will always come along and try to spoil the party or stop you.

Why?

Simple, the sort of people who involve themselves actively with Nanny (such as jobsworth council lackeys etc) could never make anything of their lives in the real world. The only way that they can justify to themselves their existence on this planet, and to give themselves some sense of self worth, is to impose their fears and petty rules on the rest of us.

As I have said before, there is no value or useful purpose to local councils; we would be far better off if they were restructured into oblivion.

Anyhoo, Mr Dobson had planned a fireworks display, mulled wine, Santa's grotto and free mince pies (which would have been made by Nanny's arch enemy the good ladies of the Embsay and Eastby Women's Institute).

You know the sort of thing, nothing unsafe about any of that.

Not until Nanny came along.

Mr Dobson said:

"The council gave me a huge list of things we had to do.

I wrote back, a little bit tongue in cheek,

asking if I really had to risk assess free mince pies

and a brass band, and they said yes.

Everything we do, from putting tinsel up

to providing refreshments has to be assessed.

We have to consider the dangers involved,

that someone might choke on their mince pie or have a nut allergy.

I also understand that Santa may need a Criminal Records Bureau check.

For a small Dales village we found it a bit of a joke really.

It's gone from us hoping to use a bit of council property for a community party,

to needing the same sort of planning

we would have to put in for the Great Yorkshire Show."

Mr Dobson rather wisely is now considering moving the party to private land, elsewhere in the village. The trouble is, he has put his head above the parapet. Nanny will try her best to muscle in on that as well, and I bet charge him for the privilege.

Craven Council's director of community services, Jonathan Kerr, said:

"We support these community events

and we try to help local communities organise them

and make sure they are as safe as possible."

The astute amongst you will observe that the above statement, in the context of the problem, is meaningless.

Nanny does not even bother to try to pretend to justify her actions any more.

Breathtaking arrogance!

Feel free to tell Craven Council what you think of them via these routes:

-General contact contactus@cravendc.gov.uk

-Jonathan Kerr's PA lrichardson@cravendc.gov.uk

-The thirty councillors of Craven are listed here, Craven Council, together with their email addresses:)

Nanny's Sense of Humour Failure

Nanny really doesn't have much of a sense of humour, as David Clutterbuck a councillor on Bournemouth Council found to his cost the other week.

The hoohah all started when a spoof email was forwarded to members of the council. The email noted that if Noah tried to build an ark now he would have to overcome planning rules, building regulations, environmental impact studies, fire and safety regulations and the RSPCA over animal welfare.

Mr Clutterbuck then added the following tag line, and duly pressed "reply all":

"I imagine now it would be illegal to only have animals of the opposite sex!"

I think it reasonably obvious to even the most blinkered, that the email was a joke and that the tag line added by Mr Clutterbuck was in the spirit of the email.

Unfortunately Nanny's chums in the Liberal Democrats lack a sense of humour, Liberal Democrat councillor Michael Carlile said:

"The comment, even in fun, is at best childish

and at worst shows that certain local Conservatives are locked into the distant past.

I urge, if we are truly going to embrace diversity,

all members should have compulsory diversity training.

I would urge those enlightened Conservative councillors,

and I know there are some,

to challenge Councillor Clutterbuck on his attitudes to minority communities."

What a twat!

Mr Clutterbuck, a councillor for 19 years, said:

"One of the councillors who's made the complaint

has only been on the council three years.

I've said before, I've more experience of life,

of business in my little fingertips

than the people who are making complaints."

Mr Clutterbuck's own party then got in on the act and, as a consequence, Mr Clutterbuck has resigned his whip (so to speak) and will stand as an independent in the next election.

What an absurd fuss over nothing.

Cut Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face

My compliments to the good people of Blackburn and Darwen Council who, being loyal followers of Nanny, have a very rigid rule regarding who may speak at their council planning meetings.

In order to ensure that chaos and unsavoury elements do not disrupt the discussions, all prospective speakers must file a request to speak by noon of the previous day.

Fair enough, if you can file the request and know about the rule.

However, there are occasions when maybe a legitimate speaker cannot make that deadline.

In the normal world, that you and I inhabit, an exception would be made and the person would be allowed to speak. However, in Nanny's world there are no exceptions; no matter what the circumstances.

Nanny's chums at Blackburn and Darwen Council maintained their iron rule the other week, when an American millionaire tried to speak at the meeting but was banned by the council because he had not filed a request to speak.

Jim Smith, from the council, said:

"Everyone must be treated the same way".

What Smith and his jobsworths in the council should have remembered, was the fact that the American was offering to pay for the council's massively expensive sports complex. He had just flown in from the States; he was not aware of the rule and was most certainly not able to comply with it, as he was in the mid Atlantic at the time of the deadline.

Nice work Nanny!

This petulant attitude to "jobsworth" rules and petty regulations symbolises the soul destroying nature of Nanny and her local government officers.

Break the rules, and break Nanny's grip on power.