Balls!

Congratulations to Children's Secretary (why do children need a secretary?) Ed Balls for plumbing new depths of Nannyism.

He has launched and lauded a new website (that cost us £60M).

The site www.begrand.net tells grandparents how to be errmmm..grandparents!

Quote, grandparents often have "strong and sometimes strange opinions".

I assume by that Nanny means that grandparents have common sense, use their initiative and don't listen to Nanny.

The site contains some classic ZaNuLabour bullshit, eg bribe teenagers with a plate of chips if they don't want to eat their greens!

ROFLOL!!

The site tells grandparents what a burn is, and advises grandparents to ring an ambulance if their grandchild collapses.

For fark's sake!

Other gems:

"Pretty much any noise your new grandchild makes can be claimed as the word for you, even if not in your own language. Try 'Zulu,' or Thakur-da’, which it's Bengali for Grandad."

"Abundance is a new-ish term for 'making the most of what you've got.' [It's easy] to forget that winter is a time for the soil to cool, the weeds to die and bulbs to grow in the dark. That spring is planting time; summer and autumn are all about harvest and preserve-making."

"Help your grandchild to walk. No instructions required. Just hold out a hand and be prepared to take a thousand small steps to anywhere – very slowly and for a very long time. You practise patience and they just practise.

This method works when imparting many other skills, from using a spoon to bowling a spin ball. Just be present and accepting while the practising is going on.
Kit required: comfortable shoes."

This has to be the largest piece of patronising BS I have read in a long time.

I really would have thought that the average grandparent would have some skills wrt helping grandchildren walking, calling ambulances and treating burns.

That being said maybe this is actually aimed at the new generation of ZaNuLabour grandparents who are in fact still under 30, because they had their children when they were 12.

Feel free to plunder Balls' site and post other "gems".

I need a stiff drink!

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Blair's Fanaticism

Sadly fanaticism occurs in "democracies", not just dictatorships.

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Nanny Bans Nose Blowing

I see that the media is veritably awash with the story of Michael Mancini of Ayr, who fell foul of Nanny's police last October.

Seemingly, if Mr Mancini's version is accurate, he was apprehended by Nanny's police for "not being in control of his vehicle".

Was this a case of Harriet Harman dangerous driving?

Not really.

Mr Mancini was apprehended for blowing his nose and taking his hands off the wheel.

Now that would indeed be a dangerous action, if the vehicle was in motion and in gear. However, Mr Mancini contends that he was in stationary traffic, he took the vehicle out of gear and put the handbrake on before blowing his hooter.

Wouldn't a windscreen covered in snot be construed as a visual impairment to safe driving?

Doesn't Nanny tell us to catch our sneezes in handkerchiefs?

Disregarding that, Mr Mancini was given a £60 fixed penalty notice which he has refused to pay.

He now faces a trial later this year.

On the assumption that Mr Mancini's version of events is accurate, I would wonder why the police and the Procurator Fiscal (Scotland's version of the CPS) feel that this is such a vital case?

Aren't there more pressing criminal matters to attend to?

Still, I guess it looks good in the statistics that Nanny jerks off to every night.

BTW, The Independent reports that the policeman who gave Mancini his ticket was PC Stuart Gray. Gray recently issued a £50 fixed penalty to a man who accidentally dropped a £10 note in the street!

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It's The Money Stupid!

My commiserations to the bus driver who works for Ellie Rose Travel Limited, a Hull based bus company, who had the misfortune to be driving a school bus with a right little brat on on board.

The 12 year old brat was taking the bus to school, last October, and misbehaving. She was clambering on the luggage rack whilst the bus was in motion. Despite being warned by her school mates and the driver that this was stupid, she continued to do it.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, she and another brat who was arsing about with her fell through the window of the single decker bus.

No serious injuries were suffered.

End of story?

Not quite!

Can you guess what is happening now?

Yes, that's right, one of the brats has instructed a solicitor (really? Bit young to be "instructing" solicitors aren't they?) who specialises in personal injury cases to prepare a claim for damages.

Jim Houghton, owner of Ellie Rose Travel, is quoted in the Mail:

"I am not surprised someone is trying to sue us. It's the way things are these days, which upsets me.

The parents of the other girl who fell out said they didn't want to take the matter any further."

Ellie Rose Travel withdrew the school service shortly after the incident, so now all the kids have to find other means of getting to school.

Gosh, here's a thought, how about walking?

Cynics might suggest that the parents of the brat making the damages claim are hoping to make a nice little windfall here.

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Prats of The Week - Sutton Council

Ooh my Golly Gosh!

It has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week I have absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in awarding it to the Prats on Sutton Council.

For why?

For their knobheaded decision to ban a poster advertising "Anybody for Murder?", a comedy performed by Croydon based Exit Theatre amateur dramatics group.

The dickheads in Sutton Council deemed that the poster might "offend" residents, as it showed actress Red Cook in a swimming costume coming out of the water.

Evidently the councillors of Sutton don't get out that much. As an ex resident of Croydon I would note that the ladies who go out and about partying there at night wear a lot less, and show a lot more, than Red Cook.

Were Nanny to try to ban everything that might be deemed to be "offensive" there would be no TV/radio, no printed media, no internet and no religion (banning the latter may well be a good idea come to think of it:)).

Sutton Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Drop them a line via this link (btw it took quite a lot of finding, evidently Sutton don't like people writing to them) Sutton.

Anybody for Murder? is at the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre, Carshalton from February 17 to 20. Call the box office on 020 8770 6990.

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Lawyers Cancel School Trip

I was sad to read recently that Highland Council cancelled Crown Primary School's (from Inverness) annual trip, because they were afraid of being sued for excluding a disabled child from the trip.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission wasn't much impressed either, and said that the action was short sighted.

Normally the school stays at an outdoor activity centre in Craggan in the Cairngorms. However, Donna Williamson said that her daughter was physically unable to take part in the activities planned. Therefore, fearing legal action, the council cancelled the trip for everyone.

Quite how cancelling the trip helps the children of the school I fail to see.

Nor do I think that they have made the daughter of Ms Williamson terribly popular (even though she is blameless) with her class mates for this.

The concept of integration etc works both ways. By all means do your utmost to help include people. However, inclusion is not helped by banning activities that not all can take part in.

The child will now feel thoroughly miserable for being the unwitting cause of this.

The council are gutless, as their actions indicate that they could not be bothered to try to withstand a speculative legal challenge on this matter.

Sometimes you do have to stand up for what you think is right, even if some lawyer says that you will lose.

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Rickets 'R Us

I see that rickets (the scourge of the Victorian era) seems to be making a comeback to Nanny's Britain.

Rickets is caused by a deficiency of vitamin D.

Now, let me see, what are some good sources of vitamin D?

Oh I know, dairy products (eg butter, milk, cheese etc).

Oh bugger, we can't eat those because Nanny says they are bad for us.

Oh, hang on a minute, sunlight is another good source of vitamin D.

Oh bugger, Nanny has banned us going out in the sun (cancer risk etc).

Dear oh dear what will Nanny be able to do to reduce the risk of rickets then?

Thoughts anyone?

Coming soon, scurvy (because the carbon footprint of lemons, oranges and limes is simply outrageous!).

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Nanny Wants To Ban Butter

I see that the food fascists have donned their size ten jackboots again.

This time they are going after butter.

Dr Shyam Kolvekar, at University College London Hospital, has told the media that he is "increasingly concerned" about the nation's eating habits.

OK, so far.

He then went into a monologue about the dangers of saturated fat etc etc. You know, the usual stuff trotted out.

Rounding off by saying:

"By banning butter and replacing it with a healthy spread the average daily sat fat intake would be reduced by 8g – that's 40 per cent of a women's GDA - Guideline Daily Amount. The GDA for a woman is 20g and for a man it's 30g."

Lovely!

Except didn't I read somewhere once, many moons ago, that these so called "health spreads" are not that good for you either (transfats and kidney problems, I think, spring to mind)?

Doctors are very nice people, who are very good at fixing broken legs etc. However, given that as a section of the community (along with politicians) they are more prone to alcohol, substance, fag, food abuse problems than other sections of the community should they really be the ones lecturing us?

I would note that a sensible balanced diet is the key to a healthy life. Is it not obvious that if you eat only shit, you will end up looking and feeling like shit?

I also note that the human body is much like a car engine, it seizes up if not properly lubricated; ie we need fat in our veins to help the blood flow;)

This luncheon I will be having a sarnie that is buttered, not spread with some artificial transfat gunk!

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The Danger of Blondes

Oh my goodness, I have just read that the results of a study discussed at the National Academy of Sciences indicates that women with blonde hair have the competitive edge, and are more aggressive and determined than redheads and brunettes.

The study goes on to say that blondes, whether natural or out of a bottle, display a warlike streak when fighting battles to get their own way.

What's the betting Nanny will be banning blondes next, as a threat to our health and safety.

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The Joys of Buckie

I see that the Strathclyde police and some bishop are blaming the good monks of Buckfast Abbey in Devon for 450 violent crimes in Scotland over the past 3 years.

Eh?

It seems that the police et al are blaming these violent crimes on the drink produced by the monks called Buckfast Tonic Wine (aka "Buckie").

Buckie is around 15%, and has a caffeine content equivalent to around 16 cans of coke.

Its sounds like a splendid drink to me, much cheaper than downing a few Irish coffees at the end of a meal.

Notwithstanding its obvious tonic and restorative powers, Nanny is blaming it for causing 450 violent crimes over the last 3 years; Nanny even claims that people are using the bottles as weapons.

All well and good, but here are a few factoids to give Nanny a slap with:

1 People cause crimes, not booze. I can drink a bucket load of Irish coffees at the end of an evening, but I don't go round hitting people or "glassing" them afterwards.

2 Bottles in any shape or form can be used to "glass" people with. Why not ban glass altogether?

3 The monks do not force feed the scrotes who drink this stuff who them go on to commit violent crimes.

4 Ban Buckie, and the scrotes will start using toilet cleaner or something else. The issue is not the drink, but the scrotes themselves.

5 The same effect can be had by downing a few vodkas and cans of Red Bull, doubtless that will be next on the banning list if Buckie goes.

My advice is to stock up on your Buckies now, lest Nanny tries to ban it.

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Booze Matters II

As a follow up to yesterday's article about Nanny's possible new restrictions on booze, I would note that the Tories are also more than capable in their own way of jumping on the anti booze bandwagon.

I would like to "gently" remind some of them of their own youthful past.

A little bird tells me that the young "stallions" of Bullingdon Club more than once got "sh*t faced", and made thorough nuisances of themselves in public.

We had drinking games at university when I was a "stoodent", eg a yard of Guinness mixed with a tin of baked beans. Oddly enough that challenge was popular with at least one lady, who now works in the media (I will say no more:)).

Like it or not, it's what young people are programmed (hormonally) to do; ie test their limits and test authority.

That's part of growing up!

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Booze Matters

I see that Nanny is getting her knickers in a twist over booze again.

The Home Secretary, Alan Johnson, is proposing new measures (subject to parliamentary approval) to be implemented against retailers and pubs etc.

"All-you-can-drink" promotions are to be banned, and compulsory identity checks on those who look under 18 introduced.

Speed drinking competitions will also be banned.

All very amusing, but this is merely a headline grabbing exercise which will not make one jot of difference.

1 The supermarkets, in order to curry favour with Nanny, already have an id scheme in place whereby people who look under 25 have to prove their id. In fact some idiotic supermarkets try this id game on with people in their 40's.

2 Unless I have missed something, it is perfectly legal for people to drink at home etc. Therefore people will simply "stock up" before going out.

3 The majority of "cheap" booze (which Nanny hates) in the UK is bought from supermarkets (not pubs or off licences). It is noticeable that, whilst Nanny is happy to try to destroy the pub trade, she doesn't dare lift a finger against her all powerful friends in the supermarket business.

4 Pubs are not the enemy of civilised drinking. In pubs, that are well run, people learn how to drink without making "c**ts" of themselves (or face a battering and banning from the landlord and regulars). Nanny should be encouraging the survival of well run pubs.

5 Poorly run pubs that are centres of trouble making can, at the behest of the police/council, be shut down. The law is already there to be used against sources of trouble. There is no need to add more rules.

6 Councils make large sums of money from late night clubs and pubs, they don't want to shut them down (hence some town centres turn into vomit strewn ghettos at night). The councils already have the powers to improve the quality of town centres at night. Instead they have pro actively encouraged to spawning of late night clubs, yet publicly moan like hell about the effects of these clubs.

7 The more that the state demonises drink, the more popular it will become.

8 Politicians are serial abusers of booze, fags and other substances. It is not their place to lecture us on what is good/bad for us.

In short, this is a headline grabbing manoeuvre that will achieve nothing.

Drunken yobbery can be curtailed very simply by tattooing the foreheads of the yobs with the phrase:

"I am a drunken yob"

Then banning them from buying booze in any outlet, pub or club for a period of time.

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Bin Brother - Too Much Rubbish

My sympathies to Albert Stewart, a binman of 33 years standing in West Lancashire, who has fallen foul of Nanny's rules on waste management.

Mr Stewart wanted to help keep the area he worked in clean and tidy, he was in the habit of taking extra bin bags left beside overfull wheelie bins.

Needless to say Nanny's chums on West Lancashire Borough Council were not amused, they sent him a written warning and moved him from his route in Aughton to another one eight miles away.

West Lancashire Borough Council have told residents not to put out black bags next to their wheelie bins, because they attract vermin.

Fair enough!

Except that if Mr Stewart was removing the bags, doesn't that reduce the chances of vermin being attracted?

Ah but it is not as simple as that!

The council argue that to collect the bags would simply encourage people to leave them out.

So you see loyal readers, the vermin are not the real issue. The real issue is that the council doesn't want to collect the bags.

Nanny does not like her staff being helpful and using their initiative.

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Nanny Bans Pigs

Poor old Peppa Pig (a children's cartoon character) has fallen foul of Nanny.

Her crime?

She doesn't wear seatbelts when travelling in the back of her parents' car.

Thus a veritable flurry (two or three in reality) of complaints have been lodged (oddly though the programme has been running since 2004, why now?).

The result?

The creators are "adjusting history", and redrawing 105 episodes to include seatbelts.

Whilst they are about it, they may wish to consider adding hands with fingers to the characters.

After all, how the hell can pigs with trotters be allowed in Nanny's Britain to drive cars?

Nanny may also care to complain to all other cartoon makers, going back to the 1920's, about the dangers of:

- anvils being dropped on heads
- eating TNT
- using high explosives to rid yourself of mice and other vermin
- hitting each other with frying pans
- running off cliffs and then looking down
- running into locomotives at full speed
- being squashed by a steamroller in order to flatten oneself
- chasing Tasmanian Devils rabbits, mice etc

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No Fat Ladies

The Dirty Bingo Caller... Mr. Nasty!

BrentandTimmy | MySpace Video

Dear oh dear, what is the world coming to when bingo callers are banned from using the time honoured phrase "two fat ladies...88"?

Such was the fate recently of John Sayers, who runs charity games in Sudbury. He was told by a council clerk (ah yes, our "respected" councils putting their noses into matters which do not concern them again) that the traditional "two fat ladies" phrase might upset some players.

Seemingly the council were worried that if there were two "large" ladies in the audience, they may well be offended.

Errmmm...clearly the council doesn't get out much, more often than not at least two participants in any bingo club are "generously" proportioned. I would assume that if people took offence they would have complained themselves.

Why does it need the council to create an offence which hasn't been taken?

Seemingly the phrase "legs 11" is also deemed "ungood".

Why?

Something about the fact the caller might have inadvertently looked at someone's legs at the moment he ejaculates the phrase (can I say "ejaculate"?), apparently.

Haven't councils got better things to do with their time and our money?

New balls please!

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The Grim RIPA

I see that the grim RIPA has joined HMRC.

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Nanny Bans Great Fire of London

My sympathies to the teachers and pupils of schools such as Emmbrook Infant School and Bearwood Primary School, in Berkshire.

Over the past few years, in order to stimulate the children's interest in history, the schools have staged a mini Great Fire of London to mark the end or the regular "1666 Fire Project".

Up until recently, the fire brigade have happily sent along an engine in case of mishaps.

Unfortunately, recently the heads of the Royal Berkshire Fire and Rescue Service (RBFRS) sent letters to headteachers in schools across the county asking them to "reconsider" the activity.

Extracts state:

"On occasion our crews are asked to attend in case something goes wrong.

This is not an appropriate use of our resources....

children may go on to explore fire and ignition items without the knowledge and guidance of their teacher or carers".

Sadly, in view of this, the mini Great Fire of London has been stopped.

I can, in theory, see what the fire brigade mean.

However, I well remember as a sprog local services such as police, ambulance and fire engines popping into schools with their vehicles et al and talking to the kids. This was part of a general education to teach us about the real world, how it functions and to bring us into contact with people who we were taught we should respect etc.

It seems to me that in these days, where ambulance crews, firecrews, police etc are pelted with bricks by certain feral elements, any opportunity to try to connect with the majority of decent kids would be welcomed by the fireservce et al.

By the way, the alternative project end is now a treasure hunt for "Samuel Pepys' cheese and wine".

I like it, but I can hear Nanny sternly admonishing the teachers that cheese is bad for you and children should not be allowed near booze.

No wonder some kids resort to being feral, they are bored out of their brains.

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Nanny Takes Offence II

Rother District Council have issued this statement on their site (as advised by a comment posted by one of their staff on the earlier article this morning):

"Reports in two national newspapers have suggested that Rother District Council removed a comment to a planning application on its website which contained the words 'do as you likey.' The inference being that this comment was removed because 'likey' rhymes with 'pikey' - a derogatory term for a member of the gypsy community.

This was not the case and Rother District Council did not inform the media that the comment was removed for this reason. It was actually removed because of other remarks made which could clearly have been considered inflammatory and were obviously unsuitable for a public website.

The email was removed from the Rother site after members of the public complained to the Council and Sussex Police about its content. This matter was the subject of a report to the Council's planning committee and members of the planning committee were asked at the time to disregard it during their deliberations.

The Council was happy to assist Sussex Police in their investigation.

Rother District Council takes the matter of offensive comments made on its website very seriously and is satisfied it acted appropriately in removing these comments. The chief executive is also reviewing how these remarks got onto the website in the first place since they had clearly evaded the filtering process.

Ch Insp Heather Keating, Rother District policing commander, said: "We received a complaint of crime - something we are obliged to investigate - and are satisfied that we acted appropriately in identifying the owner of the computer and through this action, the writer of the article concerned. While this particular case did not result in prosecution, we are committed to applying the law fairly in all circumstances.

"I am now aware that one of the men involved in the investigation is dissatisfied with our response and we will work with him to resolve the issues he has raised. As this liaison is ongoing, I cannot comment further at this time

"Sussex Police has a legal duty to promote community cohesion and tackle unlawful discrimination. We take all racial complaints seriously and will respond with a fair and thorough investigation into any alleged discrimination. We also take on board the public's views to help shape our approach to tackling racially-aggravated crime."

Date 12 January 2010"

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Nanny Takes Offence

It seems that Nanny takes offence very easily these days.

So what? You may ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?).

Well my loyal readers, just ask the unnamed IT boss who was arrested in November by police for an email sent by one of his staff to Rother District Council wrt a planning appeal by a "traveller".

The "offensive" email contained the phrase:

"It's the 'do as you likey' attitude that I am against."

"Likey" rhymes with "pikey", and the council deemed that enough to tell Hastings police. Note, the "traveller" who is bringing the planning appeal did not complain about the email.

The police duly obliged the council and arrested the unnamed man (believing it was he who sent the email), held him for 4 hours took his DNA, his fingerprints, his/his wife's computers etc. It then transpired that the hapless detainee had not sent the email, but one of his staff (Paul Osmond) did.

Despite this, according to the Mail, police will be holding the DNA of the innocent man indefinitely.

Mr Osmond was then arrested and bailed. However, he has now been told that there would be no further police action.

Time and money well spent then!

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Psst...Wanna Buy Some Tamiflu?...Going Cheap!

I understand that our glorious leader, having once sold a large amount of our gold reserves off at a knock down price (at the bottom of the market), is about to flog off some large stocks of flu retrovirus treatments (Tamiflu et al).

Oddly enough, Nanny's predicted Swine Flu epidemic didn't quite kill off vast swathes of the population. Nanny is now sitting on vast stockpiles of Tamiflu etc, which of course she will not be able to sell at the price she bought them for.

Someone, somewhere, did very well out of this "epidemic". However, it certainly wasn't the British taxpayer!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Harman

I see Harriet Harperson has admitted driving without due care and attention while on her mobile phone, and has managed to get off rather lightly.

Oh hang on a minute, didn't she publicly deny this offence a wee while ago?

It seems that she decided to tell her version of the "truth" to the real court, unlike her statement to her preferred "court of public opinion".

I guess, having "loyally" stood by Brown, she won't be admonished for this by him.

Politicians are truly duplicitous and loathsome.

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Xmas Banned

Here is another post Christmas Nanny story that I never got round to mentioning in the run up to Christmas.

It seems that the Nanny element of British Transport Police took control of the PR department in the festive season, and banned the use of the "Christmas" from a national publicity poster.

For why?

They were worried it might upset people who do not "buy into" the festival (whatever that means).

"Holiday" was substituted for "Christmas".

Totally daft:

1 I am not offended when people wish me a "Happy XXX (substitute religious festival of your choice)", just as others are not offended by the use of the word "Christmas".

2 "Holiday" in itself could well piss many off, a large section of the community does actually work on Christmas Day (eg the health service, fire service, police, TV, power supply etc...not of course politicians nor railways!).

PS Our decorations finally will come down this Sunday (midway split between Swedish/British tradition), one of our trees is looking decidedly droopy.

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The Dangers of Ice

Given the ongoing icy conditions (doubtless due to global warming), this pre Christmas nugget of Nannyism seems appropriate.

A charitable Christmas sleigh collection in Wymondham was cancelled in the run up toe Christmas.

For why?

Icy conditions posing a health and safety risk!

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The Scanners Are Coming

I amused to see that our "beloved" PM Gordon "Smiler" Brown has authorised the installation of body scanners, at all of the UK's airports, in response to the threat posed by morons who try to detonate their underpants.

Here are a few observations about Brown's "great" plan:

1 Scanners have been considered in the past, and deemed not up to the job.

2 Scanners require a human to spot the "bomb", they are therefore not infallible.

3 Scanners will not pick up certain dangerous substances.

4 Brown has ordered a review of security, with special emphasis on scanners. Yet he has overridden the review, even before it has concluded/reported, and ordered scanners.

Why?

It's an election year, and he has to look "decisive".

5 Body scanners will most likely break Nanny's anti child porn laws.

6 Why waste resources treating all passengers as suspects, when experts in the field of terrorism have stated (time and time again) that the terrorists fit a reasonably "easy to identify" profile?

Nanny is just trying to look busy, to make us think that she is useful to us.

However, do not be too alarmed, as said this is a "directive from Brown himself:

1 Orders from Brown never actually come to fruition.

2 These days orders from the Number 10 bunker carry as much weight as Fuhrer orders did in April 1945.

3 Brown/Labour will cock this up, as they have done every other thing in the past 13 years.

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The Dangers of Curling

I understand that the ice curlers of Kirk Loch (Lochmaben) had a wee bit of bother with Nanny's health and safety gestapo.

Nanny's local council had checked the ice (7-8 inches) for safety and solidity (that will be the global warming then?), and the curlers of Kirk Loch duly began curling.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, someone phoned the police to tell them that there people on the ice.

Nanny's police, six of them to be precise (according to "Skip Cottage Curling"), duly turned up to warn of the danger.

However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, Nith rescue arrived in a rescue boat. However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice either.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, the coast guard arrived!

However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice.

Spiffing!

The lesson is clear, those of us who wish to isoloate ourselves from Nanny and her rules just need to stand on some ice!

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Breaking Nanny's Rules Over Christmas

Good morning my loyal readers,

Another Monday descends upon us like a low hanging rotting fruit falling from the branch.

As I face the start of the post Christmas/New Year working week, and observe the droop of my Christmas trees and sagginess of my tinsel, I have reflected upon the various ways in which I have broken Nanny's rules over the Christmas season:

1 I used the words "Merry Christmas" in my greetings, both oral and written, instead of saying "Happy Holidays".

2 I erected (can I say "erected"?) 3 Christmas trees, without ensuring that they will be replaced (ie they may not come from a sustainable supply).

3 I burned wood in my fireplaces, for visual effect, and used central heating at the same time; thus contributing to green house emissions.

4 I ate Brussels sprouts, thus contributing to greenhouse emissions.

5 I erected (there's that word again!) decorations without taking a course on "Working at Height".

6 I used a step ladder, without taking the requisite "How To Mount a Ladder" training course.

7 I plugged in vast numbers of electrical gadgets, extensions, cables, lights and animations without being professionally qualified to touch electrical equipment.

8 The electricity used in said lights etc, needless to say, will have contributed vastly to "global warming".

9 I drank all manner of stuff, with gusto! (who is "gusto"?).

10 I ate all manner of stuff, with gusto!

I am still alive, and won't be taking down the decorations until next weekend (midway compromise between British and Swedish traditions here in Frost Towers).

Feel free to add to the above list.

Ken

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Fines

Fining people for ending up drunk in hospital?

Errmm...don't we pay National Insurance (the greatest con trick perpetrated on the British people in 60 years) to cover hospital treatment?

Will Nanny be fining us for eating too much fat in the future?

What an absurd policy!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries