Bin Brother - Show Me Your Papers

Oh dear, there has been a veritable slurry of stories this week about eco fascist councils and Nanny's "jobsworths" imposing high handed draconian rules and regulations on the time honoured art of waste disposal.

Eh?

I mean, Nanny is sticking her nose into our rubbish bins!

Plymouth council (a Tory one, that should know better) is the latest in a line of councils to don their jackboots, and stomp over people's rubbish bins. The council will be issuing an edict informing the good citizens of Plymouth that families will be forced to name somebody to be in charge of their rubbish, under the council's "zero tolerance" approach to bin collections.

How about a zero tolerance approach to robbery, muggings and scum on the streets?

The hapless individual who "volunteers" to be "Bin Master" faces £100 fines and a criminal record (yes, a criminal record!) if their household puts the wrong rubbish in its wheelie bins, puts them out too soon, or puts them in the wrong place.

Just to remind you...

This is a Tory council!

Plymouth Council is living up to my oft stated belief that local councils are fit for nothing, aside from raising tax and imposing petty unpleasant rules on their local populations, and should be abolished.

The "Bin Master" (or "Mistress") will also be expected to give council officials a breakdown of everyone who lives in their home, together with intimate information including details of medical conditions.

They will even be asked to number babies and toddlers who use disposable nappies.

Think you can avoid this?

The council are threatening to fine people who do not comply with orders from the council.

The "Bin Master/Mistress" must submit their name, their age, and their signature.

Quote:

"If you fail without reasonable excuse to comply with any requirement specified in this notice you will be liable on summary conviction to a fine."

One question in the forms is particularly "amusing":

"reasons why a member of your household generates more rubbish than average (eg a medical condition)."

So what happens if people from other families throw their excess rubbish into your bin?

Should we be locking our bins now?

The only way to stop this absurd nonsense is for everyone who receives one of these forms to refuse to fill it in. Only a 100% boycott will show the idiots in the council who really hold the whip hand.

Feel free to tell Plymouth Council what you think of them:

-enquiries@plymouth.gov.uk

I would also recommend that you tell David Cameron too, it's absurd ideas like this that will stop him kicking Nu Labour out of orifice.

Roll back the frontiers of the state, and reclaim your lives and freedom!

-Contact Cameron

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The Dangers of Cabbage Stalks

Following on from yesterday's article about the Waste Gestapo in Norwich stomping their jackboots on an elderly man for putting a ketchup bottle in the wrong bin, it appears that they have a certain relish for stomping on the elderly and have done it again.

As retired milkman Barry Freezer (73) found to his cost recently, when he attempted to throw away some cabbage stalks in his bin.

Norwich City Gestapo refused to collect his waste and treated him like a criminal.

The binmen were following an edict of Nanny's that forbids food that may have come into contact with meat from being mixed with garden waste for composting, to prevent outbreaks of diseases such as foot and mouth.

For fark's sake!

Mr Freezer said:

"When did you last buy a cabbage with a stalk at a supermarket?

It should be obvious that this was garden waste that never came into contact with the kitchen.

I pay £35 a year on top of my council tax to have a garden waste bin and I am being treated like a criminal for following the rules.

No one told me exactly what I had done wrong so I moved the cabbage stalks into the household refuse bin, which was collected the following week. I then had to wait another week to see if they would collect the shrubbery clippings in my garden waste.

What am I supposed to do when my potatoes come? Sometimes the top is diseased and you shouldn't compost them.

I'll have to put them in the household bin but that won't be collected if it has garden waste.

The system is ridiculously complicated. People like me will be making 'mistakes' all the time.

I could burn my garden waste but it's not good for the environment."

Mr Freezer's bin was "red tagged" as a punishment; normally two yellow warning tags are issued before a red tag, which is a final warning meaning rubbish won't be collected until it complies with the rules.

These ecofascists are the same "genetic spawn" as those who ban smoking, drinking, swimming, Mary Whitehouse wanabees etc.

They are sexually and socially inadequate individuals, with personality disorders, who get their rocks off by imposing their narrow views on the rest of us.

It is our fault for allowing Nu Labour to give these people the whip hand over us, and it is now time to wrest that whip back from them and to kick Nu Labour out of orifice.

Tell Norwich council what you think of them.

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Nanny Bans Ketchup - Again

Nanny's concern for the environment, in theory, is highly laudable.

We have but one planet, and to "crap on our own doorstep" is neither pleasant nor wise for our future health and well being.

However, in life, there are no black and white issues merely shades of grey. These grey realities require sensible human beings to exercise commonsense and sound judgement, before imposing petty rules and regulations.

It is a well recognised trait of Nanny that she possesses neither commonsense, nor sound judgement. She sees the world in black and white, and seeks to impose her petty rules and regulations irrespective of reality.

This sad reality was vividly brought home to Lenny Woodward, a 95 year old former Desert Rat who now resides in Norwich, the other day.

His crime?

He placed a ketchup bottle and coffee jar in the wrong bin.

His punishment?

Norwich council refused to collect his rubbish.

Residents of Norwich, like many towns across Nanny's Britain, have to suffer under the yoke of rigid rules wrt refuse disposal; they have a blue wheelie bin for cans and cardboard, a green box for glass and a black bin for other waste.

Mr Woodward made the mistake of putting the ketchup bottle and a coffee jar in the blue bin, when they should have gone in the green box.

A crime against the state!...in Nanny's eyes anyway.

When Nanny's binmen inspected the blue bin (doesn't this sound rather like they are employed as council spies?), they refused to empty it and attached a tag to it warning him not to break the rules again.

Mr Woodward's daughter rang Norwich City Council to explain that he made a mistake based on uncertainty about the system, rather than evil malice. Unfortunately the council have adopted that well known excuse used by petty officials from earlier times:

"Rules have to be obeyed".

Errmm...if the rules are ridiculous, no they don't!

You know folks, when these scumbags in local councils start to talk to people like that there is only one course of action left; remind them very forcibly who is the master and who is the servant.

Mr Woodward said:

"I'm very sorry it happened. It's just I'm confused. I don't know which bin is which so I put the wrong things in the wrong bin.

They could have knocked on my door and spoken to me about it instead of putting a note on the bin saying they would not empty it.

It all seems very childish. I've never broken the law before. I haven't even had a parking fine or speeding ticket."

Mr Woodward comes from a generation who fought against oppression and tyranny being imposed by tinpot corporals, that generation was brought up to respect genuine authority and the rule of law.

Regrettably, Nanny and her acolytes in local councils have destroyed people's respect for the rule of law and for authority. That is why social order is breaking down.

Tell Norwich council what you think of them.

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Prats of The Week

Time methinks for another one of my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to a local council...

Gosh no surprises there then!

Local councils have over the past few years acted as Nanny's stormtroopers in her war against freedom of choice, freedom of action and freedom per se.

Local councils add no value whatsoever to people's lives. Which is kind of odd really, given the fact that it's the local residents that pay council tax to keep these unloved and unwanted organs of the state in existence.

Anyhoo, this week's award to goes to Portsmouth Council.

For why?

Ask Lourdes Maxwell.

Over the last 25 years Ms Maxwell has erected (can I say that?) a paddling pool in her communal garden every summer in front of her house, for her grandchildren and the neighbours' children to play in.

The pool is a staggering and death defying 2ft deep.

This year there will be no pool.

For why?

Portsmouth Council have decreed that it needs a lifeguard.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

They also decreed that she must have insurance policy as well.

The health and safety Gestapo put their size ten jackboots in, when Ms Maxwell wrote to the council asking for permission to put a bigger pool in the communal garden outside her home.

She was promptly told it was too dangerous, and also told to empty the existing pool.

Now you see the clear lesson here is, never ever tell your local council anything.

They cannot be trusted to use the information in a sensible or helpful way.

After an intervention by her MP, Portsmouth "generously" allowed Ms Maxwell to have a pool but only if she pays for insurance and ensures that supervisors were on constant watch.

Ms Maxwell is not the only resident required to obey rather petty rules, all residents who use the communal gardens must ask permission before performing any relatively harmless task such as having a barbecue.

Ms Maxwell did ask around for insurance but said "they just laughed at me. No one offers insurance for paddling pools".

I am sure some greedy fast buck insurance company will now!

What's the betting it will be a £5M liability? That's the norm isn't it?

Nigel Selley, Portsmouth Council's neighbourhood manager, said:

"We did not have sufficient assurances that the risks associated with providing such a facility would be well-managed.

We have since spoken to Ms Maxwell and she is aware of our concerns for child safety and the risks associated with drowning."

"such a facility"??

Pompous ass...it's a farking 2ft paddling pool, it's not a facility!

These people are totally disconnected from reality, and take a real pleasure out of interfering in the day to day lives of normal people.

Why not drop Portsmouth Council a wee note and let them know what you think?

-cityhelpdesk@portsmouthcc.gov.uk

Portsmouth Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Taking The Puss

Our "respected" local councils are up to no good again, as Joy Tracey from Denton found to her cost recently.

Joy recently found a stray ginger cat, who she called Copper, and tried to reunite him with his owners.

Having visited local cat homes and advertising in the local paper, to no avail, she decided to put posters up on lampposts.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, two "council patrollers" from the town hall's neighbourhood task force left messages on her phone ordering her to take them down.

She said:

"They said I had to go round and take them all down or face a heavy fine.

It makes me feel angry. If it was a scruffy poster I wouldn't mind, but it's been really neatly done. I just want to get this poor cat home. I'd had no response and he's such a loving cat."

Under Nanny's rules anyone who wants to put posters on lampposts must apply in writing to council highways engineers for permission, at least 28 days in advance.

Fair enough for fly posters etc. However, surely a little bit of commonsense could have been exercised here and the "approval" granted "after the fact"?

Unfortunately, Nanny does not possess commonsense.

A spokesman for Tameside council said:

"We understand the distress when pets go missing.

However we have to reflect and act upon community concerns such as flyposting."

Ugh!

The old "following orders" excuse!

Purrfectly Purrposterous!

FYI, all the fuss did have one good outcome; Copper's owners read about it, and were reunited with him.

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The Dangers of Trees - Monkey Puzzle For The Chop

The health and safety Gestapo have donned their jackboots and are on the march again.

This time they have set their sights on a 150 year old monkey puzzle tree in West Cross, Swansea.

The tree's crime?

Seemingly, according to the health and safety "experts", the needles are akin to syringes and are a danger to children.

The result being that the local knob heads in the council want to chop the tree down.

Just to remind you, the tree has been there for 150 years...no one has died from its needles.

Why, suddenly, does this tree pose a health and safety risk to the modern generation?

The report presented by the health and safety Gestapo contained the following ludicrous comments:

"Every effort is made in this day and age to prevent children playing with discarded syringe needles.

Every effort must be made to prevent children coming into contact with these potentially, equally sharp needles."

Errmmm...do people really get paid with our money to produce this shit?

Hypos are dangerous because they are most likely to be infected with blood borne diseases.

Pine needles are not!

Mike and Carol Crafer are leading a campaign to save the tree, and have even tried pricking themselves with the needles (to no avail).

Swansea council don't give a stuff, and have said:

"Safety experts have said the tree is too much of a risk to children for it to remain.

One expert likened the tree foliage to discarded syringe needles and warns they pose a probable risk of serious injury to children. The authority could find itself defending any litigation, should this arise."

What are local councils really useful for?

Fark all I would say!

Give Swansea Council a piece of your mind via this link:

-chiefexecutive@swansea.gov.uk

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Bin Brother - The Dangers of Apples

It is rather ironic that, despite the alleged shortage of police on the beat, the complaints about unnecessary paperwork and bureaucracy slowing down "real" policing, Nanny's finest recently managed to find the time and resources to arrest Keith Hirst a 54 year old plumber with a heart condition.

His crime?

He was accused of dropping and apple core.

His punishment?

He was arrested by five police officers, taken to a police station, had his DNA and fingerprints taken and spent 18 hours in a police cell.

During his "sojourn" he twice needed to be seen by a doctor, after complaining about dizziness and chest pains.

Mr Hirst, from Swinton Manchester, was not best pleased with his experience.

"The way I was treated you would have thought I had robbed a bank.

My family are law-abiding people and I would help if I saw a gang of yobs attacking a police officer.

But this kind of incident does not help in improving relations between the community and police."

The story begins on 21 April, when Mr Hirst said that he was tapped on the shoulder by a police community support officer as he walked to the chemist at lunchtime.

The plastic policeman accused him of dropping an apple core (which Mr Hirst denied), and demanded his name and address.

Mr Hirst said:

"He was an overzealous young lad baying to give me a ticket.

I told him I was on my way to the shops, but would be walking back that way if he wanted to speak to me later. He followed through the precinct to the chemist.

When I came out there were five police officers surrounding me. I said I had done nothing wrong and so was not telling them who I was.

The most senior police officer said they would have to take me into custody."

Mr Hirst was arrested for refusing to pay a £50 on-the-spot fine and taken to Swinton police station before being eventually taken to the magistrates' court in handcuffs.

His wife, Glynis, who is disabled and cared for by her husband, did not know what had happened until 10.45pm on the day of his arrest.

She said:

"My daughter had been ringing hospitals as we thought something had happened to him."

The charge of obstruction has been dropped. However, but Mr Hirst still faces a trial for littering, which he denies, in July.

Supt Ian Palmer, of Greater Manchester Police, said:

"Littering is an offence and GMP work tirelessly to ensure the streets are not only safe but also clean."

It is indeed an offence.

However, there surely is such a thing as a "proportionate" and "common sense" response to whatever crime is being alleged?

Is this really an effective use of GMP's scarce resources?

Are there no other crimes in Manchester that are more deserving of the time and effort of 5 police officers?

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Nanny's Humongous Database - An Afterburp

Re my earlier piece about Nanny's humongous database, I have just had an afterburp on the subject.

In order to avoid Nanny snooping on our electronic communications, all we have to do is revert to good old fashioned letters and start using a couple of tin cans joined together by string in order to communicate with each other.

That'll teach her!

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Nanny Bans Cult

Britain once fought a war for freedom of speech and expression.

Evidently we lost it!

That at least must be the conclusion drawn by an unnamed 15 year old, who is facing prosecution by Nanny's "finest" from the City of London police.

Was he a hoodie?

No!

Did he mug someone?

No!

Was he taking drugs?

No!

He used a "banned" word on a placard at a protest.

The word?

"CULT"

Yes, please note there is an "L" and no "N" in it!

Why is this word so evil?

Ah well you see he was using it to describe the Church of Scientology, when he took part in a peaceful demonstration opposite the London headquarters of "Church".

Officers have confiscated the placard, and a case file has been sent to the Crown Prosecution Service.

The incident happened during a protest against the Church of Scientology on May 10. The police decided that the word "CULT" was "abusive and insulting".

I can think of far more abusive and insulting words...can you children?

Ian Haworth, from the Cult Information Centre which provides advice for victims of cults and their families, said:

"This is an extraordinary situation. If it wasn't so serious it would be farcical. The police's job is to protect and serve. Who is being served and who is being protected in this situation? I find it very worrying.

Scientology is well known to my organisation, and has been of great concern to me for 22 years. I get many calls from families with loved ones involved and ex-members who are in need of one form of help."

Now why would the City of London police get so upset by this description of the Scientology "Church"?

Could it be the fact that more than 20 officers, ranging from constable to chief superintendent, have accepted gifts worth thousands of pounds from the Church of Scientology?

Could it be the fact that the City of London Chief Superintendent, Kevin Hurley, praised Scientology for "raising the spiritual wealth of society" during the opening of its headquarters in 2006.

Could it be that last year a video praising Scientology emerged featuring Ken Stewart, another of the City of London's chief superintendents?

Only a cynic would suggest that the police have a less than arms length relationship with this "religion".

By the way, in case you were wondering the group was founded by the science-fiction writer L Ron Hubbard in 1952, and espouses the idea that humans are descended from an exiled race of aliens called Thetans.

Hmmm...

Nice to see that some people are allowed freedom of speech and expression, whilst others are not!



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Nanny's Humongous Database

I see that Nanny's much "respected" and "efficient" Home Orifice is considering plans to build a humongous database to store the details of every phone call made, every email sent and every web page visited by British citizens in the previous year.

Oh yes, this will work!

Nanny says that this will help her in her fight against terrorism and crime. Well, she always says that.

From what I recall the invasion of Iraq was meant to make the world a safer place from terrorism too, but that plan was a complete load of old bollocks as well.

The Home Orifice has already approached telecoms firms and internet service providers (ISPs), they would be the ones providing Nanny with their customer records if the plans go ahead.

The security services and police would then be able to access records for any individual over the previous 12 months, by gaining permission through the courts.

Do you recall how RIPA, the surveillance law allegedly designed to be used only for terrorists, is being abused by local councils in their never ending fight against dog shit and litter?

I guarantee that this database, if it comes into being, will be abused in exactly the same way.

Another rather nagging worry in the back of my mind is the security aspects of the data storage, given last year's loss by HMRC of 25 million personal records and ongoing reports of other security breaches in Nanny's databases, who seriously believes that Nanny is capable of looking after all of the data securely?

In the UK, last year, 57 billion text messages and 3 billion emails a day were sent. Given Nanny's shambolic mismanagement of other IT projects, do you really think that she is capable of designing and managing a system that can cope with all of that data?

Of course you don't!

We all know that Nanny and her minions are basically useless and inept. This project is a car crash waiting to happen.

Notwithstanding that, Nanny's Home Orifice continue to press ahead. A Home Orifice spokesman said that the plan was needed to reflect changes in communication that would "increasingly undermine our current capabilities to obtain communications data and use it to protect the public".

The trouble is that the data is not used to protect the public at all, see what Nanny has done with RIPA.

Governments down the centuries have hated it when people gather together to talk to each other "privately", they have always done their best to listen in or to ban such discussion. This is the same old trick being rebranded to suit the modern age.

Terrorism is used as Nanny's catch all excuse to cover all of her rapidly expanding surveillance requirements. In truth, our lives are not being blighted on a daily basis by terrorism but by "low level" crime (yobbery, thuggery, robbery, scummy behaviour etc). These are the issues that need to be addressed.

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Prats of The Week

Tis a Monday morning, and therefore a good time to award my prestigious and world famous "Prats of The Week" award.

This week the award goes to Tesco.

Tesco is refusing to sell alcohol to parents shopping with their children.

Why?

Tesco are under the foolish delusion that this somehow will reduce underage drinking.

Tesco has issued an edict to its cashiers, who have been told not to supply alcohol if they suspect an adult is buying the drink for an underage youth.

Staff have been told to "err on the side of caution" (a very Nannyesque phrase - so much caution, so little common sense) when interpreting the policy.

Needless to say, given that we live in Nanny Britain, commonsense has been thrown out of the window and hapless customers shopping with their children have been told by Tesco staff to put alcohol back on the shelves.

Debbie Bell, a housewife from York, was told she could not buy a crate of lager at a Tesco Extra in the city with her stepson Michael Bruce, 18.

Mr Bruce, a student, was unable to show the cashier any proof of his age and his mother was told to put the 24 cans of Fosters and a bottle of cider back on the shelf.

Dominic Zenden, a television medium, was told he could not buy six bottles of Budweiser beer when he was accompanied by his 15-year-old daughter Devon. Mind you, since he is "psychic", he should have seen that one coming!

A cashier at the shop in Sprowston, Norwich, refused to believe Mr Zenden was not going to share the drink with his daughter.

He said:

"I was dumbfounded. There was absolutely no indication that my daughter would be drinking the alcohol – it was for me.

But the woman told me that they don't sell alcohol to people who have children with them."

A Tesco spokesman said:

"I can understand the frustrations of the customer but I think that any reasonable parent would understand the problem and support our policy."

It's not up to a grocer to dictate to parents how they introduce their children to alcohol.

Tesco seem to have a wee bit of a split personality when it comes to booze, on the one hand they would us believe that they are highly responsible when it comes to selling alcohol and not encouraging "binge drinking". On the other hand, they have been known to sell booze at 22p per can.

Yet in March I wrote:

"They have recently publicly demanded that Nanny introduce new laws to ban the sale of cut-price alcohol.

Tesco claims that this is in response to the public concern over the level of drink-fuelled crime and disorder.

Tesco claim that legislation is required to 'ensure responsible pricing on alcohol'.

Now the more intelligent amongst you may well ask, why doesn't Tesco simply put their prices up?

Oh dear oh dear, how little you understand the dilemma that Tesco finds itself in.

You see, if it were to do that people would simply shop elsewhere; and we couldn't have that now, could we?"

Tesco, well deserving Prats of The week.

The solution to this is simple, boycott their stores.

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CCTV Is Bollocks

As we all know, Nanny's Britain has more CCTV cameras per square mile/per head of the population than any other country on earth.

The rationale being, according to Nanny, that CCTV cuts crime and helps us feel safer.

All very well and good, except for one small fly in Nanny's oinkment.

She is talking BOLLOCKS!

It would seem that, and why am I not surprised at this?, CCTV really doesn't work very well at all.

Detective Chief Inspector Mick Neville, who is in charge of closed-circuit television for the Metropolitan Police Force, recently said that a mere 3% of London's street robberies (who the fark steals streets, and where do they take/sell them?) are solved using security camera footage. He went on to say that criminals are not afraid of being caught on film.

Now why would that be?

Well, could it be that the images are crap and that more often than not the things don't have any film in them (in Orwell's 1984, at least the technology worked!)?

Yes, it might be that...but here is the real reason.

In order for CCTV to be an effective deterrent it has to "interact" with the criminal "real time", and stop him/her from doing the dirty deed.

Criminals will always chance a crime, if they think they can get away with it. However, if someone or something intervenes with enough "strength" they don't do the crime.

Did CCTV stop Rangers fans rioting????



It seems to me that the only way that CCTV will work as an effective crime deterrent will be if CCTV cameras were beefed up with stun guns etc, that would target the criminal in the very act of committing the crime.

Et Voila!

Problem solved.

However, we all know that Nanny's real reason for all of these unregulated out of control cameras is in fact to keep tabs on the honest law abiding population. Per chance if a criminal gets caught, then that is an added bonus.

FYI, there are 4.2 million CCTV cameras in Nanny's Britain!

Returning to what Mr Neville thinks about them, he told the Security Document World Conference in London:

"CCTV was originally seen as a preventative measure. Billions of pounds has been spent on kit, but no thought has gone into how the police are going to use the images and how they will be used in court.

It's been an utter fiasco."

Mr Neville also made a rather telling comment about training. Seemingly officers needed more training on using CCTV, yet many are being put off because "it's hard work".

Ah yes, if only we didn't have to work for a living!

Oh, wait a minute, in Nanny's Britain we don't!

Stupid me, I'll go back to bed then.

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Nanny Don't Allow..

My thanks to DWMF (a regular reader of this site for many years) for sending me this very apt ditty, penned by himself, to be sung to J.J. Cale's "Mama Don't Allow".

Please feel free to add your own extra verses:

"Yeah, The Nanny State won't let me have a smoke
My nicotine needs are getting past a joke
Blowin' smoke in Nanny’s face
Leavin' my butts all over the place
The Nanny State won't let me have a smoke

Yeah, Nanny don't allow no speeding in my car
What she allows won't get me very far
Pedal to the metal when I get a green light
Slam on the brakes when the cops are in sight
Nanny won’t allow no speeding in my car

Yeah, Nanny don't allow no playin' contact sports
Just joggin’ down the street with dayglo on my shorts
Wanna play football with the crazy jocks
Ringin' guys' bells with cross-body blocks
Nanny won’t allow no playin’ contact sports

Yeah, Nanny won't let me sing a rugby song
She says it's rude and dirty and plain wrong
These are works of poetic genius -
Especially the one about the good ship Venus!
Nanny won’t let me sing a rugby song

Nanny won't allow no kids playin' in the street
Kids are becoming useless and effete
Hopscotch and tag are a big no-no -
They might get a graze or stub their toe
Nanny won’t allow no kids playin’ in the street."



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Prats of The Week - The Dangers of Standing Up To Scum

Ooh, it has been a long time since I have awarded my prestigious and world famous "Prats of The Week" Award.

Time, I think, to make another award.

This week the award goes to Devon and Cornwall police.

For why?

Ask Alma Harding (a retired postmistress of 63), of Kenton Exeter, who tackled a yoof with that most dangerous of weapons, a rolled up copy of church council minutes.

Mrs Harding was returning from a church council meeting, and was crossing the village green. Thereupon she encountered some "lippy" 13 year old and his mates, who swore at her when she told them to stop playing football near some flowers that she had planted on the green.

Mrs Harding therefore remonstrated with them, and "brushed" the boy across his cheek with the paper.

Needless to say, this being Nanny Britain, the boy's mother felt that this was an affront to her son and lodged a complaint.

Mrs Harding now faces a police investigation into claims of common assault, which carries a maximum sentence of six months in jail.

Mrs Harding said:

"I have done nothing wrong. It would not have hurt the boy. It was only rolled up paper and I am a little old lady."

Devon and Cornwall police said Mrs Harding would be interviewed "in the next couple of weeks".

Shouldn't common sense dictate that this matter be dropped?

Devon and Cornwall police, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Nanny Bans Paper Rounds

You know how Nanny is obsessed with keeping children safe from the millions of potential perverts that she alleges are waiting to prey on them?

Well she has found another everyday aspect of life which exposes children to enormous risk, in Nanny's view anyway, of being attacked.

Paper rounds!

Yes, paper rounds.

It seems that despite the fact that kids have been doing paper rounds for decades, in order to earn a little spending money and to learn the basics of self respect and working for a living, Nanny believes that paper rounds expose kids to unnecessary dangers.

As such Nanny's Department for Children, Schools and Families is considering issuing an edict that will order shopkeepers to have safety checks, and vet the staff who work with children (eg those who perform paper rounds).

Now here's the added bonus for Nanny, the shopkeepers will have to pay £64 to register the adults who work with children with the Independent Safeguarding Authority.

Nanny, much like Cherie Blair, when she smells a money making scam is all over the idea like flies on shit.

Needless to say many shopkeepers will not pay this fee, and thousands of kids will find themselves out of work (another lesson in real life I suppose).

What kind of message does this send the kids about adults?

What about the adults that the kids deliver the papers to, shouldn't they be checked and registered as well?

There's a nice little earner that Nanny has missed!

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HMRC Is Shite Nominated For New Statesman Award

Dear All,

For your information, another one of my sites has been nominated for the New Statesman Awards.

This time I didn't nominate it myself:)

"The New Statesman, Britain's leading political magazine is delighted to announce that HMRC Is Shite has been nominated for a New Media Award in the category of Campaign For Change. The campaign for change award will go to the individual or organisation that has most effectively influenced opinions and behaviour through the use of new media technology. The winner of this award will champion a cause and provide information and tools to instigate change.

The prestigious New Media Awards, now in their tenth year, champion those individuals or organisations using the power of new media in fresh, creative and constructive ways to benefit society.

The acting editor of the New Statesman, Sue Matthias said: 'We're delighted to be hosting the tenth New Media Awards, celebrating an endlessly exciting and innovative sector. I’d like to congratulate all our nominees, whose dedication and inventiveness is inspiring.'

'I am honoured that www.hmrconline.com has been nominated for this prestigious award. People deserve to see, and are hungry for, an improvement in the management and efficiency of HMRC.'

Ken Frost MA FCA FIPFM

www.hmrconline.com is dedicated to the taxpayers of Britain, and the employees of the HMRC who have to endure the monumental shambles that is Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC).

This site is a living monument to the incompetence and arrogance of Gordon Brown, who set HMRC up."

Please feel free to add comment on the New Statesman site.

Thanks.

Ken

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Nanny Knows Best Nominated for Award

Nanny Knows Best has been nominated for the New Media Awards 2008 in the Democracy in action category...by...errmmm...Ken Frost.

I am sure that you all agree with me?

If you do, please could you leave a comment on the award site?

Thanks.

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Busybody Tries To Ban Goodbody

Despite the never ceasing attempts by Nanny and her acolytes to suppress common sense, once in a while common sense does actually prevail in Nanny Britain.

One such example of common sense occurred in March when the Portman Group, which regulates brewers, rejected a busybody attempt by Alcohol Concern to ban the logo used by Wye Valley Brewery on their Dorothy Goodbody stout.

Their alleged crime?

Alcohol Concern felt that the blonde lady showing her thighs was "sexually suggestive".

So what?

Alcohol and sex are as inexorably linked as salt and pepper.

Half of the bonking in the world wouldn't have occurred without a stiff belt of booze beforehand.



Dorothy Goodbody stout has been in existence for 15 years and the Portman Group thought that Alcohol Concern were talking bollocks, they found that the brewery had not crossed the line from acceptable to irresponsible marketing.

Vernon Amor, managing director of Wye Valley Brewery, said:

"If you were to ban Dorothy Goodbody, where would it end?

Next thing you know there would be a ban on all the Carry On films and the iconic British seaside postcards."

I have little doubt that Nanny would love to ban those things as well!

Don't forget to wear you beergoggles tonight.

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Booze Matters

I see our kebab munching (only if surrounded by body guards), cannabis smoking (promoted to class B on Jacqui's personal recommendation...I guess she thought that she was still at school) ex teacher Home Secretary, Jacqui (she likes to use the short name) "42 days is not long enough" Smith, is keen to jump on the Boris Bandwagon.

Hot on the heels of Boris's announcement that he is to ban drinking booze on tubes and buses, she has decided to look into banning booze on trains.

One small fly in her oinkment, train journeys tend to be much longer than tube or bus journeys (ever suffered the 6-10 hour journey from London to Edinburgh?). Indeed, trains often have a drinks trolley flogging the stuff to their thoroughly fed up customers.

Whilst banning it on the tube and buses makes sense, as the journeys are much shorter and there are no facilities for serving it, drinking it or indeed pissing it away etc; banning it on trains is absurd.

How else am I meant to endure the journey from Croydonia to London, without my regular fix of a double G&T served in a non threatening plastic cup?

The majority of well behaved train drinkers should not be punished for the actions of the moronic, slack jawed, dribbling minority who misbehave on buses and tubes; usually because they are three sheets to the wind before they get on the tube, bus or train.

Smith should get off Boris's Bandwagon!

Maybe she needs to smoke something to calm down!



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The F Word

I see that Gordon Ramsay has succumbed to the dark side of Nanny, and is advocating fining restaurants for serving non seasonal produce.

He told the BBC that fruit and vegetables should be locally-sourced, and only on menus when in season.

Ramsay claims that he has already spoken to Prime Minister Gordon Brown about outlawing out-of-season produce.

He says it would cut carbon emissions, as less food would be imported and also lead to improved standards of cooking.

Quote:

"There should be stringent laws, licensing laws, to make sure produce is only used in season and season only."

How very Nannylike of him!

Here's why he is talking bollocks:

1 We live in a free market economy, we can buy and sell what we wish.

2 If there was not a market for out of season produce, then it wouldn't be sold.

3 If the costs of supplying the produce (eg airline fuel) rise, then so does the cost of the produce on the shelves or in the restaurant. The consumer will make a buy decision based on that price, it is not up to the state.

4 We have, as an island nation, been importing exotic food and spices for centuries. Using Ramsay's "logic", we would never have imported the potato, pepper, spices etc.

5 Locally sourced food can be just as badly cooked as imported food.

6 As an island we depend on importing some food, even during the war (when the entire country was on ration) we still needed to import food.

7 Locally sourced food, being transported by a large number of small trucks from a large number of local farms, can be just as damaging to the environment as using one plane and one super sized truck to transport a container to a supermarket.

8 Define "local" and "seasonal", as already noted there are foods that we consider to be "native" yet were only brought here by our intrepid ancestors who travelled the globe.

9 Don't give Brown another means by which to raise taxes.

10 Tax foreign produce and people will buy less, thus impacting the living standards of the impoverished farmers who grow the stuff.

11 Ramsay cooks with olive oil, that's "foreign" isn't it? Will his restaurants be fined too?

12 If I pickle something in the summer, then eat it in the winter, am I breaking Ramsay's "seasonal law"?

It seems to be a very "F U" and stupid method of thinking.

I will continue to buy what I want, when I want it.

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Parenting By Text

As we all know, Nanny hates parents. In Nanny's view parents are pretty poor at their job, the state provides a far more robust and efficient means of educating and bringing up children.

Indeed, Nanny is so keen to keep parents away from their children that she proactively encourages both parents to go to work and leave their kids at Nanny's day care centres, schools and other state run organs for as many hours a day as possible.

I should point out that the added benefit that Nanny gets out of both parents working is a very nice boost, via taxation, to her rapidly dwindling finances.

Anyhoo, to further tighten her grip on the lives of families, and most especially the children, Nanny is launching a new scheme whereby she will send text messages to parents telling them how to bring up their children and how to solve their relationship problems.

This little scheme, called "Parent Know How", will cost us £44M.

The hapless parents who want Nanny to help them live their lives will be able to text queries to counselling services, and log onto special social networking sites.

Nanny is particularly keen to target single parents with her text messages.

In a variation of this scheme, there will also be a text message service whereby a partner can text Nanny if they suspect that their partner is having an affair.

That brings a whole new layer of state intrusion into people's lives, now it is not just neighbours and councils spying on our smoking and garbage disposal habits but Nanny will now be spying (via our loved ones) on our bedroom habits.

I have my own suggestion for a new text service, it's called "Fark Off Nanny". You simply text in the appropriate "F Off" phrase, and it gets sent directly to the mobile phones of all members of the government and to the local council(s) of your choice.

I reckon that would be a real winner!

What do you think?

I am open to offers from technologically savvy people, who would like to set this up with me in partnership.

Note - this idea is now copyright.

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Shiver Me Timbers!

Oh dear on hearing about this story I really do wonder, yet again, why we bother to allow local councils to exist.

Have they nothing better to do with their time, and our council tax?

David Waterman, of Ashtead, has found out to his cost that Nanny's local council (Mole Valley) has got a veritable bee in its bonnet over the fact that he flew a Jolly Roger pirate flag in his garden for his daughter's 8th birthday party.

The flag, all 5ft by 3ft of it, was flown to enhance the pirate theme of his daughter's birthday.

Needless to say, Nanny's chums in Mole Valley want him to de-erect his pole and flag (can I say that?).

Oddly enough this is not the first time that Nanny has banned pirate flags, I cite the case last June whereby Stafford Borough Council did the same thing.

Anyhoo, this all blew up some months ago, Mr Waterman has received a letter from the council telling him to take it down; in response he has applied for advertising consent for the flag to be flown.

It seems that there is something of a dispute going on with some of his neighbours who don't like his kids playing outside, as such they complained to the council about the flag.

Another neighbour erected a pirate flag in support, but took it down after receiving a warning letter from the council.

He replaced it with a Union flag, as the law states anyone can fly a national flag or flags promoting a business at their home.

Mr Waterman is now considering registering a company called Jolly Roger at his house, so that he can keep the skull and crossbones.

A spokesman for Mole Valley council said it had not yet launched legal proceedings against Mr Waterman and would consider his application.

"We received a complaint about the flag flying outside Mr Waterman's house and are duty-bound to investigate complaints and enforce government regulations."

Herein lies the problem..."duty bound to enforce..."

Councils are not meant to act as state enforcers, they were once meant to "manage" and enhance their local catchment areas for the benefit of the local community as a whole.

It seems that their view of their "mission" has changed somewhat over the years.

As councils now see themselves as "enforcers", it inevitably places them on a direct collision course with their local residents and voters; this will only end in tears for the councils.

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The Lost Generation

The most unpleasant aspect of the Nanny state, that afflicts us all, is the creeping sense of fear that now permeates our society; brought about by never ending Nanny campaigns about the dangers of food, fat, smoking, drink, crime, accidents etc and the compliant headline grabbing media that seek to reinforce Nanny's message.

It should therefore come as no surprise to learn that the fear which permeates adult society is being passed on to the next generation, as it is reported that scared parents have banned their children from cycling.

A staggering 81% of parents ban their children from cycling on their own, or allow them to do so only on their street.

Parents are fearful that their children will have an accident (accidents are part of growing up), they also claim that their children lack the confidence and skill to take to the road.

There are two very obvious reasons as to why their kids lack confidence:

1 They are not allowed to learn through error and mistakes, and are picking up their parents' fears.

2 They are not sent to classes designed to teach them how to cycle on the road.

These parents, by their actions, are breeding a nation of scared, overweight, lazy individuals.

Nanny has created a lost generation.

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