Nanny's Great Lie II

A report by the top US general in Afghanistan is expected to say that the current military strategy is not working, the BBC understands.

General Stanley McChrystal will liken the US military to a bull charging at a matador [the Taliban] - slightly weakened with each "cut" it receives.

The Afghan people are undergoing a crisis of confidence because the war against the Taliban has not made their lives better.

Is this not what I have been saying?

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Stealthy Drinking

I see Nanny's drink police are conducting another media blitz, trying to get us to drink less. Mintel have produced a report (I wonder who commissioned it?) claiming that the middle aged middle classes are drinking stronger and larger measures.

Jonny Forsyth, senior drink analyst for Mintel, is quoted in the media:

"The over-45s are drinking more regularly but not thinking they're in danger.

They are drinking four, five, six days a week and it all adds up even though young people binge-drink more.

Alcohol has also got stronger so it doesn't take as much to get your units.

By stealth, the older drinkers are drinking to excess."

Bollocks!

The unit measurement system is total nonsense, designed by civil servants and doctors (from the profession that has more booze drinking, fag smoking substance abusers than any other - MPs excluded) for the "average" person taking zero risk.

You should not try to fit everyone into the same straight jacket.

Mintel go on to claim that older and more affluent people are more likely to drink at home.

Oooh!

How naughty of them!

Mintel claim that 63% of the professional "AB" classes drink more than twice a week, compared with less than 50% of the working classes.

The report was followed up, quite by "coincidence", in the media by a report that people drank more on holiday!

Well stap my vitals!

Coming soon, higher booze taxes and drink police paying visits to your homes!

Meanwhile, given that it is a sunny Saturday Bank Holiday, I intend to have it large this Bank Holiday weekend.

I recommend that you do likewise!

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Nanny's Great Lie

Richard Holbrooke's "wee bust up" with Karzai yesterday, over election rigging in the Afghanistan elections, blows a very large hole in Nanny's oft stated claim that our troops are dying there in order to establish democracy.

There are a few points I want to make about this:

1 You cannot impose democracy with the barrel of a gun.

2 Afghanistan is a medieval country, still operating under a tribal system. We have not a cat's chance in hell of establishing a democracy there under present conditions.

What did Holbrooke and Nanny seriously expect would happen during these elections?

3 We have had our backsides kicked in the country in the 1800's, and Russia had the same in the 1970's/80's. History has been ignored by the US and UK, and now it is repeating itself.

4 Nanny has imposed "mission creep" (eg cleansing the place of opium fields - legalise drugs and that problem would be eradicated overnight), yet not supplied the right equipment or sufficient personnel to perform even the basic task of hunting down and destroying terrorists.

5 We are going to be stuck in that mess for 40 years, unless we bite the bullet and do what we should do and pull out.

6 The public bust up will of course ensure that whatever the results of the election (even if they are 100% "clean") no one will believe them.

7 Nanny has lied to us from the very start.

8 Brown is most certainly not a war time leader, lacking any form of clear robust decisiveness, or indeed a friend of our armed forces.

9 The MOD's procurement process is a disaster area that should be condemned.

Holbrooke, by making his angst public, has undermined the achievements (Nanny keeps telling us that the troops are there for democracy) of the troops (from all nations) on the ground.

Our troops are dying for an hopeless cause, as a result of the lies and grandiose nation building plans imposed on them by Nanny.

This is the wrong war in the wrong country, we should not be there.

PERIOD!

Send in your uniform.

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Nanny Resorts To Theft

The London Borough of Richmond has resorted to a novel and "amusing" method to drum home the message about locking up your valuables safely.

Police have been instructed by Nanny to remove valuables from unlocked cars, in order to teach the owners about safety.

Police are removing items including purses and satellite navigation devices from cars with unlocked doors or open windows, and replacing them with notes informing the owners that the police are holding their property.

In principle the idea has merit. However, unless I have massively misunderstood the law, open window or not, isn't this breaking and entering?

Isn't it a "tad unwise" to encourage the police to break the law in this manner?

Isn't this why we police need to have search warrants?

Isn't the next "logical" step by Nanny to encourage the police to enter our homes without a warrant, on the pretext of seeing an open window?

I am not entirely happy with this practice.

Update

I stand corrected!

As per BBC:

Police in Liverpool have tried to "break into" 3,500 homes to check people are locking up at night.

Officers are testing front and back doors in burglary hotspots in Everton and Woolton and waking residents if the doors are unlocked.

So far they have successfully opened 66 doors and spotted 14 open windows.

In Liverpool North, which includes Everton, there were 316 burglaries in just one month, nearly half the figure for the whole of Merseyside.

Police have said that people who have been woken up after leaving their door open have, on the whole, given a positive response.

One said: "It gave me a terrible shock, but it is such a good idea.

"It has made me much more aware of making sure I lock the door.

"My son had been out and he'd left the door unlocked."

Police community support officers will then visit the property the following day and issue crime prevention advice.

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Avast Behind!

Pirates taking part in an annual World Walking the Plank championship, at Queenborough Harbour on the Isle of Sheppey, last Sunday almost came a cropper thanks to Nanny.

The competition had been run for 12 years. However, Nanny's local council (Swale Borough Council) was worried that people who jumped into the water may ingest something unpleasant.

I have to say I was under the naive impression that councils were responsible for the cleanliness, or otherwise, of water (be it river, harbour or sea) within their domain.

Anyhoo, the event was allowed to go ahead after organisers brought in their own chemical analyst Michael Young who declared it safe.

Ironically Mike won the competition, as he had done in 2002 and 2004, scoring 102 points out of a possible 120.

He jumped off the plank with his "pogo of death", after setting fire to his top hat.

See, perfectly safe!

The competition judges pirates on their use of pirate language such as "Avast" or "Arrr Matey", original costume, execution of jump and overall star quality.

The event has to warn its contestants that they "could get wet", as part of its insurance.

I would ask this, what exactly would the council actually be able to do to ban it?

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Dr WHO?

On 24 July 2009 I said:

"Tamiflu causes some pretty unpleasant side effects (eg nausea) in around 10% of people who take it. The chances are that swine flu will be less unpleasant."

Well, stap my vitals, but several weeks later the World Health Organisation (WHO) have agreed, and said that healthy people with mild symptoms of swine flu should not be given Tamiflu.

Yet Nanny still insists on giving it to all and sundry.

For why?

Nanny believes that this will zeroise the risk of the symptoms worsening.

The trouble is that:

1 The side effects of Tamiflu, when treating a bog standard infection of Swine flu, can be worse than the flu.

2 The flu may well build up a resistance to Tamiflu if it over prescribed in this manner.

3 You can never zeroise risk, nor should you try to.

Now wash your hands after reading this!

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Spies 'R Us - 1400 Times a Day

Nanny has turned Britain into a surveillance society, as recently released figures show that public bodies had obtained access to private telephone and e-mail records about 1,400 times a day.

Council, police and other organisations have made more than half a million requests for confidential communications data last year, representing a 44% rise in requests.

Have we all become a nation of criminals?

Or, as is more likely, has Nanny decided that it is "in our own best interests" that she spy on us?

The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (RIPA) is being misused by Nanny, against ordinary citizens; instead of against the "suspected terrorists", which we were told it was designed for.

The figures showing this alarming rise in state surveillance were compiled by Sir Paul Kennedy, the Interception of Communications Commissioner.

In 2008 Nanny issued guidelines on the use of the powers, in theory these guidelines should have prevented the misuse of RIPA. However, as the figures show, the guidelines are in effect being ignored.

Just so that the point is clear, one in every 78 adults in the UK has been/is now being watched by the state.

The state is the enemy of the people.

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Prats of The Week - Flintshire County Council

Tis a Saturday and I feel suitably moved to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This time it goes to Flintshire County Council.

For why?

Well, my old muckers, it seems that they have a bit of an issue wrt the disposal of rotting apples.

John Mason, who had a pile of "windfalls" from his apple trees, wanted to dispose of his apples and put them into his garden waste wheelie bin for the council (Flintshire County Council) to take away.

Alas he was working under the assumption that Flintshire County Council was not run by numpties.

How wrong he was!

Officials from the council ruled that just because something is waste and comes from the garden, it doesn't necessarily qualify as garden waste.

Council workers refused to empty the bin, and stuck a yellow label on it which warned that the bin had been 'contaminated' with food waste.

The council labours under the view that spoiled fruit could have come from a kitchen and been in contact with uncooked meat, thus picking up dangerous bacteria.

OK I am confused here...so farking what?

Are people going to eat it or wallow in it?

The waste is all dumped in the same landfill in India, along with all the other crap our councils send over there, surely?

Bottom line, the recycling rules imposed by councils are utter bollocks.

Ignore them, and put all your crap in one bin.

Flintshire County Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Physician Heal Thyself!

I am hugely amused to read that a large percentage of Nanny's health care operatives, the very same people who lecture us about our smoking, drinking and eating and who ask us personal questions about our eating/drinking, have been described by Nanny as being unfit and fat.

Oh the irony!

Nanny is concerned that the "right image" is not really being portrayed by an NHS staffed by doctors, nurses and others who are overweight, drink too much, smoke fags and indulge in other substances. She is alos worried that, whne compared to the rest of the popultaion, a higher than average number of working days are lost in the NHS by sick days.

As I have noted many times on this site, doctors and their associates have a higher percentage of smokers, drinkers and drug takers than other sections of society (politicians excluded, who are "prime examples" of health and self denial - or abuse).

To be told by doctors how we should live our lives is, to say the least, "wearisome"!

On a related note, I was amused by the comment made to me by one of the receptionists at my local LA Fitness yesterday.

As I was collecting my towel she asked if I was "training".

I replied that I was swimming.

She said, and I did not know this (but as she was wearing the company T shirt, she must be a health expert), that anything that raises the heart rate is training.

Well, stap my vitals!

Every time I dine out and have 4 Irish coffees, to round off my meal, my heart rate goes up and I feel well "primed".

So that means drinking Irish coffees must be as an effective a workout as swimming!

Great!

Physician Heal Thyself!

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Nanny's Word Police Expunge Words Again! II

I stand corrected!

This just in from Citizens Advice:

"Thank you for your email.

Citizens Advice hasn't actually banned the word Blacklisting, nor do we have any intention of doing so.

We are currently speaking to the Mail about the article which originally appeared in their publication.

With regards,

Advice Policy Officer

Citizens Advice"

Oddly though, I read it in The Telegraph.

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Nanny's Word Police Expunge Words Again!

Once again Nanny's thought police have taken their cue from Orwell's "1984", and have decreed that certain words are "ungood".

The Citizens Advice service has ordered all its staff to stop using the word "blacklisting".

For why?

In the eyes of the dip shits who came up with the ban, "blacklisting" seemingly "fosters stereotypes".

Utter bollocks!

Those hapless employees of this taxpayer funded quango, who wish to use a word akin to "blacklisting" have been instructed to use the word "blocklisting".

All very well, but "blocklisting" actually has an entirely different meaning.

A blocklisting is a facility whereby one application is made to issue and allot shares at future points in time.

Maybe, if the twats who came up with this numpty idea actually had more than a rudimentary grasp of English they might have known that.

Nice to see our taxes being wasted on such frippery!

Not!

Will Citizens Advice also ban the word "whitewash"?

I find that highly offensive.

Why not go the whole hog and ban the word "black"?

The of course we must ban the word "white"?

Remember, as Orwell warned, the state will try to control what people say and think by controlling the words that we use.

Tell them what you think via this form Citizens Advice.

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council Again!

I see that Croydon Council (where I used to live) have distinguished themselves again, and have again won my coveted and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award.

Well done lads!

For why have they won it this time?, I hear you ejaculate (Can I say ejaculate?).

Croydon council runs separate one-and-a half-hour swimming sessions for Muslim men and women every Saturday and Sunday at the Thornton Heath Leisure Centre (I touched on this issue in 2006 when Croydon denied - lied - such swimming sessions took place).

Swimmers have been told, via the centre's website, that "during special Muslim sessions male costumes must cover the body from the navel to the knee and females must be covered from the neck to the ankles and wrists".

Quite how the council thinks that this helps Muslims integrate into a non Muslim society, and bond with non Muslims I don't know.

Now here's where the council dig themselves further into a hole (you will recall they did the same thing in 2006, when they denied - lied - that there were Muslim only swimming sessions). A press officer at Croydon council claimed that the wording on the website was a mistake, and the dress code should be regarded as a suggestion rather than a requirement.

ROFLOL!

How stupid do these twats in the council think we are?

Needless to say, in a desperate attempt to airbrush history, the council changed the website to remove the reference to the dress code.

Great!

Except for one small problem.

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, it is still policy to require a dress code. An official at the leisure centre said that the dress code remained compulsory.

My understanding of basic Tory philosophy is that:

- It does not endorse segregation or divisive policies

- It believes in one nation politics that serves the interests of a cohesive unified nation

- It believes in "small" government

- It believes in honesty

Croydon council have failed in all respects of the above

BTW, they are Tory!

Croydon Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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The Dangers of Ham

I see that another food has been targeted by the food police for banning.

This time the target is ham and other processed meat.

The World Cancer Research Fund has decreed that parents must stop putting such products in their childrens' lunchboxes, lest they develop a taste for smoked, salted or cured meats.

Seemingly, if you believe the doctors, eating too much ham etc over decades can raise the risk of bowel cancer.

All very well, but would they care to define exactly what "too much" actually means?

They won't, because they don't know.

Instead they are using data collected from adult health surveys (because there is no data on children) to issue a blanket "scare the parents" health warning.

Another small question, what exactly is the "risk" of getting cancer if you eat one slice of ham; eg 10%, 20%??

Issuing health alerts without providing the relevant data (such as statistical risk of getting cancer from eating one slice of ham a day) is of no use to man nor beast.

As ever, instead of scaring people by saying "don't", why not remind people of the old adage "a little of what you fancy, in moderation" does you no harm whatsoever (ie eat a varied diet)?

Feeling hungry?

Here is my recipe for Baked Ham.

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Send In Your Uniform

As we know, Nanny is dead keen to start wars in foreign countries on the pretext of introducing "democracy".

A "noble" thought I suppose, if it weren't for a few inconvenient issues eg:

- people get maimed and killed

- you cannot impose democracy with the barrel of a gun

- not every country in the world wants our version of "democracy"

- the financial cost of these wars is crippling

- these wars are suffering from mission creep, as a result of lousy/dishonest political "leadership" from Brown and his toadies

- wrt Afghanistan, if we really are to stand a chance of "democratising" this country (and by the way, I don't think we have a cat's chance in hell - we got our arses kicked in Victorian times there, and the Russians suffered a similar fate at the hands of the US funded Taliban in the 1980's), then we are going to be there for 40 years or more

- once maimed our soldiers don't even get decent treatment, viz Nanny's recent attempt to reduce compensation payments

- the loyalty of our troops is being severely tested, as an unthinking uncaring and thoroughly despicable government sends them on missions without adequate support/kit/equipment etc

In view of the above I heartily endorse the "Send In Your Uniform To Brown" Campaign as per ARRSE:

"This is a protest, driven by the constant betrayals of this government, including ignoring the pleas of Service chiefs for life-saving resources, sending personnel to battle with inadequate or unsafe equipment and vehicles, and this latest kick in the teeth for injured veterans."

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Nanny Airbrushes History - 1984 Comes To Liverpool

My commiserations to the good people of Liverpool wrt the numpties they seem to be saddled with in their local council.

Liverpool city council have decreed that smoking is evil, and the members of the council are so keen to suck up to their mistress Nanny that they have decided that all films with smoking scenes should be classified as 18 (adults only).

In order for them to get away with this "1984" style sanitising of history (Winston Smith spent his days destroying anything that may have contaminated the state's version of history), Nanny's lickspittles in the council are conducting a "consultation exercise" whereby "stakeholder" organisations, community groups, businesses, members of the public aged 18 and above, and under-age "stakeholders" will have the opportunity to give their views.

Needless to say, the council will then rig the "consultation" in order to ensure that the results will validate their desired outcome.

I would point out that by making smoking "adult and illicit" merely makes it seem all the more attractive to the young. Let's face it, porn, drugs and drink are all pretty popular with the yoof of today; no small measure due to the fact that they are classified as "adult" or illegal.

The other point is that the council will be cordoning off some film classics from youthful eyes, eg Casablanca, The Marx Brothers etc.

Sanitising history, in order to comply with a modern day fad, is as odious as rewriting history.

I trust and assume that the members of Liverpool Council who support this odious idea are expunged from the council at the next election.

Not coming soon, not to a cinema near you:

- films with fat people in,
- films with men doing heroic things,
- films that mention Christianity,
- films with people drinking.

Drop the numpties a note and tell them what you think of them via this Have Your Say form.

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Nanny Bans Photos Again!

Nanny's photo police have been up to their old tricks again, ever fearful that an innocent photo of a child may in fact be for nefarious purposes.

Nanny rigidly follows her mantra "Won't someone think of the children?"

Sheila Campbell, the 85 year old mother of Nicky Campbell (a TV personality), found this to her cost recently when she went with her 4 granddaughters (aged between 5 and 10) to the Royal Commonwealth Pool in Edinburgh.

Mrs Campbell was happily about to take a photo of them when, blinky blonky blimey, one of Nanny's pool attendants popped up from nowhere and forbade her from taking a picture.

There were no other children nearby, therefore it was clear that she was taking a picture of her own grandchildren.

Mrs Campbell was worried that the attendant, were she to take the picture, would have confiscated her camera.

She is old enough to have been in the last war, when we fought against this sort of thing. I wonder if she now feels that the sacrifices that she and her contemporaries made were worth it? My late father (who was in the Atlantic convoys) used to look at how the state (and its minions) behaves, and would muse that the effort and sacrifice had been for nothing.

Nicky Campbell said:

"I am sorry.... I don't think my mother looks like a paedophile or a terrorist."

A spokesman for Edinburgh Leisure, that runs the swimming pool, claims that there is no ban on photography. Therefore why did the lickspittle of an attendant ban Mrs Campbell from taking the photo?

Were the attendant to seriously believe that Mrs Campbell was taking a photo for evil purposes then surely he should have reported her to the police, and had her camera searched for evil pictures. The fact that he didn't shows that he had not the slightest thought in his head about this, other than the power rush a little man gets when he is given a tiny amount of power over another human being.

These "little man" jobsworths need to be expunged from any position of control/power they may have.

Write to Edinburgh Leisure to tell them what you think: Edinburgh Leisure

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Prats of The Week - Sainsburys

Full marks to Sainsburys for going above and beyond the call of duty to win my coveted, and internationally prestigious, "Prats of The Week" Award.

Lewis Peagam, a balding 28 year old bank manager, was going about his regular shopping in Sainsburys Birmingham. Within his purchases was a DVD of the family film "Firehouse Dog" (no sex or violence), rated PG.

There he was was at checkout, ready to pay when.....

...blinky, blonky, blimey...

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the checkout operative refused to sell him the film unless he showed proof that he was over 18.

I would remind you at this stage that the film is a family film, not a slash and gore or acrobatic porno film.

Mr Peagam's work colleague was with him, and offered her driving licence as proof of her age.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the checkout operative refused to sell it:

"You're only buying it for him."

Sainsburys, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Here is Justin King's (CEO) email Justin.King@sainsburys.co.uk, if you want to drop him a note.

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Swimming Banned

Nanny is, as we know, a tad worked up over health and safety issues. However, even by her standards this is completely stupid.

It all began during a "Boredom Busters" session for children (why do children need to have every waking moment of their live's structured by Nanny? Why can't they be bored for a bit?) in a swimming pool at Stourfield Infants School in Bournemouth.

A six year old girl allegedly slipped into the pool. Thus it was emergency services were called.

She was taken to Poole Hospital for treatment, and later discharged.

Nanny then promptly banned swimming sessions for children.

Service director for children's learning and engagement ("engagement"??!!, where does Nanny get these ridiculous phrases from?), Di Mitchell, said:

"The safety and well being of children is our number one concern and the team on site worked swiftly to respond to this incident and immediately called in the ambulance and police services.

Following the incident we took the decision to cease the swimming sessions that were scheduled at the school this week and we are now undertaking a thorough investigation to determine how this incident occurred."

So let's get this straight, Nanny deems that it is too dangerous to teach children to swim lest they have an accident.

What happens then, given that Bournemouth is by the coast, were a child to fall into the sea and drown because Nanny had banned swimming lessons?

Isn't this ban rather stupid?

Won't someone think of the children?????

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Knobheaded Twats of The Millennium - Tesco

My thanks to Curmudgeon for alerting us to this story of utter Twattery (ooh...David Cameron's "banned" word!) from the supermarket aisles of Tesco.

Roy Downie, who is disabled, was attempting to buy a bottle of wine at Tesco Portsmouth. He was with his 16 year old daughter (Holly), who helps him carry shopping, because he needs assistance to get it back to his car.

The staff at Tesco refused to serve Mr Downie, because (yes, that's right) they decreed that he may be buying the wine for his daughter.

Mr Downie had to go back to the store, later on his own and buy the wine, and carry it back in the bag between his teeth.

No member of staff from Tesco bothered to help him.

Boycott Tesco!

Tesco, well deserving of my rare but highly prestigious "Knobheaded Twats of The Millennium" Award.

Here's a couple of email addresses, where you can tell them what you think of them:

customer.service@tesco.co.uk

investor.relations@uk.tesco.com

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Boycott Asda

Asda have joined the ranks of supermarkets who choose to add to Nanny's rules and regulations wrt booze.

Mark Brown was shopping with his 15 year old daughter in Asda's Brighton store, and tried to buy some wine. Asda refused to sell it to him, unless she had ID to prove her age.

The fact that the wine was for him was irrelevant to the staff at Asda.

Asda claim that they were "erring on the side of caution in line with national guidelines".

Nonsense, adults are allowed to buy booze!

Would the supermarkets prefer that people keep their kids at home in future, thus depriving them of millions in revenue resulting from the purchase of "I want" items such as sweets?

Boycott Asda to hurt them where it matters, in their pockets.

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Harperson

Here's some free advice to Harriet Harperson, wrt her playing at being prime Minister.

Doubtless madam you are enjoying playing at being in charge. However, your suggestion that rape trials should have conviction targets is dangerous, to say the least.

Either the accused is guilty or innocent, you cannot set targets for convictions.

The setting of targets for convictions is the road to dictatorship, and a police state.

You of course are "intelligent" enough to know this, but you have placed your political career and headlines above principles and democracy.

Make the most of playing at being PM, you will never hold the office legitimately.

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Big Brother - Spies R Us

Nanny's trolls in Waltham Forest Council have come up with a terrific wheeze to keep their citizens in order.

They are offering to pay people up to £500 to spy on their neighbours.

Taxpayers' cash will be dolled out for reports about dog shit, litter, graffiti etc.

- A court summons will net the spy £100.

- A conviction earns £150.

- If the offender gets a maximum sentence, the spy receives £500.

Top banana!

This scheme does of course set neighbour against neighbour, and will turn us into a police state.

Who gives a fark tho?

£500 is £500, and surely it is worth paying the price of our freedom if it means less litter on the street?

NB, I am being ironic!

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Prats of The Week - Milton Keynes Borough Council

Ooh Err Missus!

Tis time for another Prats of The Week Award.

This week it goes to Milton Keynes Borough Council.

For why?

Ask Terrie Rose and her partner Lee Smythe. They were given a £8.60 per minute penalty charge, totalling £86, by the council.

For what?

For spending an extra 10 minutes, over and above the agreed allotted/booked time, saying goodbye to their deceased baby, Zane, at Crownhill Crematorium in Milton Keynes.

Milton Keynes borough council stated that the extra charge was levied automatically on families who did not book extra time for their service. However, it stated:

"However, when we learned that there were extenuating circumstances we, of course, refunded the extra charge."

Call me a cynic but do you think the charge would have been refunded if the media hadn't got involved?

Milton Keynes Borough Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Good News Everybody!

My thanks to W. S. Badfellowe for conducting some scientific serious research into a matter of great importance to all of us.

He has confirmed that a wheelie bin can accommodate one councillor, if you push them down with a shovel!

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Bin Brother - Beware The Waste Education Officers

Pass the sickbag someone, Nanny's trolls in Oxford City Council have created a new Orwellian team of "thought police".

Waste Education Officers!

Cue a roll on the drums!



Nanny's trolls have also invented a new way to tax the long suffering citizens of Oxford, homeowners who produce more than one wheelie bin full of waste per fortnight will be fined £80.

All very well, but the bunch of numpties in Oxford City Council who came up with this tax wheeze, have abolished weekly waste collections and replaced them with fortnightly ones.

However, the hapless taxpayers of Oxford will receive "value for money" (note I am being "ironic" here) for their extra tax; a team of "Waste Education Officers" has been created.

What the fark are "Waste Education Officers"? I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?).

"Waste Education Officers" will come round to your home and teach you all about what you can and cannot throw away.

They will empty taxpayers' bins, and go through it with them in their own homes.

Here is the council's news release, which goes on about lilac sacks:)

Reality of course is a very strict mistress, the rubbish will simply pile up in people's gardens; as no one in their right mind will pay another £80 on top of the already outrageous council tax.

BTW, this council is ZaNuLabour.

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Nanny Bans Jewellery

Nanny's Trading Standards have seized the entire stock of Candy range of jewellery from shops and suppliers in the UK. Candy is designed by Dutch jewellery designer, Zsiska Jewellery.

For why?

Aha, simple my dear readers, the jewellery looks like candy (sweets to you and I). Nanny is worried that some simpleton will eat it.

Zsiska Jewellery has been sold for many years without any idiot eating it.

However, in Nanny's world risk (no matter how minuscule) is unacceptable and Nanny must protect us from our own stupidity.

No doubt there are those who would issue the well worn cry:

"Won't someone think of the children?"

Yes, doubtless it is possible that a child might try to eat this stuff. However, here are a few points:

1 No child has eaten it yet.

2 It is the parents' responsibility to ensure that items such as this are kept away from children.

3 Children eat all kids of shit, eg I am sure that dog/cat food (that looks so yummy these days) has been eaten by the bucket load by kids.

4 I drank the inside (the silver) of a thermos once (having accidentally dropped it). The doctor assured my worried mother that it would come out of my system in due course.

It is quite unnecessary to ban these products, and they are still available for sale elsewhere in the world.

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Too Dangerous To Rescue

It seems that Nanny's attitude to "risk" and health and safety may have cost someone their life, or at the very least distressed the dead man's family.

An inquest has heard the tragic story of what happened in the last hours of Karl Malton's life.

In May last year Mr Malton was hit by a car as he walked along an unlit country road, near his home in Crowland. He fell down a 15 ft bank into a ditch filled with 18 inches of water.

Police (ten of them), firemen (a fire engine load) and paramedics (an ambulance load), having all carried out risk assessments, were ordered by their respective bosses not to climb down the bank to help him (it was unclear as to whether he was already dead or not).

Instead a decision was made to send for a "water rescue team", based more than 50 miles away. Mr Malton's body lay in the ditch for 3 hours, whilst the rescue teams (waiting for water rescue) sat around and drank tea.

The inquest heard that officers no longer have to swim or receive life-saving training.

It has come to this!

When are the British public going to rebel against Nanny and her health and safety legislation, and reclaim their lives?

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